Death by "What If's" and the Magic of Zero Fs Given

Commercial Real Estate Agent with Next Wave RE Investments LLC Bullhead City AZ Commercial RE Broker AZ BR 528507000

I have a side hustle in spiritual counseling, as some know. It's fun! LOL

FREQUENTLY, I get questions like,

"But what if they never return my call?"

"I'm so worried I won't get this - I really want it!"

"I just know they're gonna pass me over and choose another." 

and my personal favorite:

"I'm not gonna wait A YEAR for this to happen!"

In the words of John Lennon, "God laughs while we make plans."

My answer to ALL this type of mindset is

If you can't release your attachment to a SINGULAR outcome . . .


In our business, just as in every aspect of life, you have to be aligned with what you want. That means BLIND AND COMPLETE TRUST that it is yours, on the way to you, done and done!  Why not? Who better than you?

If that client, or that closing, that success or that money isn't ALREADY YOURS in your mind, it will always be 'never yours'. 

It may be a different outcome than you're stressing over, and some deals are meant to die.

Consider that when you fixated on whether something will work out, you are sending a message to the Universe that it isn't gonna work out! REMEMBER, the mind CANNOT distinguish between the negative and affirmative.

"What if I lose?" is processed as "I LOSE"!

Anxiety sends out the wrong message to humans, too. If you wish someone would circle back to you and you are SO focused on it that it's consuming you  . . . that recipient will feel like 'it's not the right time' to engage you. They won't know exactly why, but they will hold off. YOU are energetically pushing them away!

Powerful as hell, you are! 

Now let's think in terms of using your power for good.

When you position yourself for success, take the steps toward that end, RELEASE anxieties, fears and doubts . . . and work on something else while it's all processing in the 5D . . . 

You'll see it all fall into place, the ideal way! You will! 

🎵 You're either in or in the way 🎵


Laura Cerrano
Feng Shui Manhattan Long Island - Locust Valley, NY
Certified Feng Shui Expert, Speaker & Researcher

That really does work sometimes if you put out the worst case scenario and figure out it’s not that bad

Jan 29, 2023 08:53 PM
Candice A. Donofrio

RESISTANCE once dissolved allows doors to open . . . so yeah so what if they don't call or it doesn't work 0 Fs . . . only makes way for a better opportunity! 

Jan 30, 2023 06:46 AM
Kris Collis, Associate Broker
Smart Way America Realty - East Stroudsburg, PA
Professional Results you Expect 570-801-5525

You're either in and aligned, or in the way, simply profound. Brilliantly said.

How we like to complicate life because universal truths were never taught at home or school.

Jan 29, 2023 08:54 PM
Candice A. Donofrio

I would love to see that change - our education system needs a massive overhaul and has for decades!

Jan 30, 2023 06:45 AM
Brian England
Ambrose Realty Management LLC - Gilbert, AZ
MBA, GRI, REALTOR® Real Estate in East Valley AZ

This is why it is such a great hustle for you and those that you provide advice to.  You always have great advice and I have appreciated all of the advice you have given me over the years, it is truly appreciated!  I look forward to seeing you again soon!

Jan 30, 2023 04:33 AM
Candice A. Donofrio

HA now that Pam works for me, it's a BUSINESS MEETING! LOL

Jan 30, 2023 06:31 AM
Kat Palmiotti
eXp Commercial, Referral Divison - Kalispell, MT
Helping your Montana dreams take root

Love it!  Our minds and desires are amazing things. Positioning ourselves for success, and then getting out of our own way - who would have thought?


Jan 30, 2023 04:54 AM
Candice A. Donofrio

I think we make things difficult bc we've all been conditioned that work/struggle -----> success.

Jan 30, 2023 06:31 AM
Patricia Feager, ABR,CRS,GRI,MRP
Selling Homes Changing Lives

Candice A. Donofrio - FINALLY! Something FEATURED that is DIFFERENT! REFRESHING! FUN! TRUTHFUL! ORIGINAL! Congratulations on breaking the mold!

The studies of human behavior are plagued by patterns that humans fail to recognize in themselves. Are humans consumed by finding faults in others, but not themselves? Are they biased against themself? Is it human nature to be proned to not understand "DOUBTS kill. more dreams than FAILURE - ever- will?"

"What if I lose?" is processed as "I LOSE"! 
is a POWERFUL example of prophecy of doom! 

Jan 30, 2023 05:00 AM
Candice A. Donofrio

Yup. Learned in the book Psycho Cybernetics damn, 40 years ago. It is impossible for the mind to focus on the negative of a thought. "I will not smoke" is 'I smoke' :D

Jan 30, 2023 06:25 AM
Anna "Banana" Kruchten

Wow Candice A. Donofrio I so remember that book way back when!

Jan 30, 2023 12:20 PM
Scott Schulte
Scott Schulte LLC - Phoenix, AZ

Positive vibes going to the universe, what a fantastic thought process and concept! 

Jan 30, 2023 06:12 AM
Candice A. Donofrio

And easier than dropping your vibes to worry! :D

Jan 30, 2023 06:30 AM
Edward Gilmartin
CRE - Boston, MA

John Lennon also said “Life is what happens while you are making other plans

Jan 30, 2023 06:13 AM
Candice A. Donofrio

Alan Saunders originally said it in 1957 . . . it has been attributed to John Lennon over time, as he also famously quoted the same. Alan Saunders was the creator of the comic strip Mary Worth!

Jan 30, 2023 06:30 AM
Margaret Goss
@Properties - Winnetka, IL
Chicago's North Shore & Winnetka Real Estate

I so totally understand the vibes we send out. Negative out = negative in.

Jan 30, 2023 07:29 AM
Brian Skaar
VanDyk Mortgage - VA, FHA, Conventional, VA Jumbo, Jumbo, Purchase Loans, & Refinance, Direct Lender - San Diego, CA
Purchase Loan Specialist - VA, FHA, Conventional

Well said advice Candice!   These are words to live by for sure.  

Jan 30, 2023 07:34 AM
Liz and Bill Spear
Transaction Alliance 513.520.5305 - Mason, OH
Transaction Alliance Cincinnati & Dayton suburbs

It's the engineer in me.  I think it's prudent to be aware of the various outcomes, but not spend time worrying over the less than desirable outcomes.  Mitigate if needed.  Act on the best information on hand.  Adjust as needed.  Enjoy what you got while you got it.

And if all else fails, build a house on a mountaintop and become a hermit :)

Jan 30, 2023 10:08 AM
Nick Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Realty ONE Group Advocates 484-237-2055 - Downingtown, PA
Selling the Main Line & Chester County

A great reminder to believe you have it, before it actually manifests itself into reality. Yes, we all get in the way at times. 

Jan 30, 2023 10:58 AM
Carol Williams
Although I'm retired, I love sharing my knowledge and learning from other real estate industry professionals. - Wenatchee, WA
Retired Agent / Broker / Prop. Mgr, Wenatchee, WA

Hi Candice,
You can't get a positive outcome with negative thoughts. I have a philosophy that if it can be done I can do it. If it doesn't work out, it never was intended to do so.

Jan 30, 2023 11:47 AM
Candice A. Donofrio

Achievement Level Mastery! 💯

Jan 30, 2023 03:29 PM
Hella M. Rothwell, Broker/Realtor®
Carmel by the Sea, CA
Rothwell Realty Inc. CA#01968433 Carmel-by-the-Sea

Yep, when I go after something, focus on it, it's amazing how many times it comes to fruition. 

Jan 30, 2023 03:39 PM
Wanda Kubat-Nerdin - Wanda Can!
Red Rock Real Estate (435) 632-9374 - St. George, UT
The best agent in Southern Utah!

Congrats on the feature BB, I was hoping someone would do that! 😍

Jan 30, 2023 06:11 PM
Alan May
Jameson Sotheby's International Realty - Evanston, IL
Hot enough for ya?

There are so many people credited with the phrase "Man plans, God laughs".  Woody Allen was quoted, and it's a well known Yiddish saying "Mann tracht, un Gott lacht".

Some have said it's in the bible, but I've found no such reference.  I'm sure that John Lennon may have said it, along with Lenin, Marx, Groucho and McCartney.  Whomever, it's a clever turn of phrase.

Jan 31, 2023 02:52 AM
Candice A. Donofrio

Many variations on that quote. Originally attributed to the creator of the comic strip Mary Worth, Alan Saunders in 1957. 

Jan 31, 2023 04:18 AM
Alan May

I think it seriously pre-dates 1957... but then who the heck knows?

Jan 31, 2023 06:22 AM
Steffy Hristova
HomeSmart Elite Group Tempe AZ Tel: 602.710.8161 - Tempe, AZ
Tempe AZ Realtor - Your Home Close to Your Work!

I have discovered more than once how setting your mind to accomplish something gets in the right connections, resources and things happen. With focus and persistence, and a bit of luck. When they don't, a lot of other opportunities have opened in the process. Great post, Candice!

Jan 31, 2023 08:19 AM
Chris Ann Cleland
Long and Foster Real Estate - Gainesville, VA
Associate Broker, Bristow, VA

Love this post.  We see it again and again...if we are paying attention anyway.  That on which your brain is focused happens, good or bad.  It can be difficult to get yourself out of a mindset of anxiety, but the reward is so worth it.  

Feb 01, 2023 04:12 AM
Brad Andersohn
Retired Executive Director of Education at eXp - Boulder Creek, CA
ActiveBrad - 707.646.1876

What if I don't read this post? What if I don't comment? What if I don't get anything out of it or contribute to it at all? What if I overthink it?

What if... it's an easy answer if you can just get folks to ask themselves, "What if...?" 

Turn What if into Why not? The brain is a complex and powerful tool, and we all spend our lifetimes trying to master that powerful and complex tool.


Great post, thanks! 

Feb 02, 2023 12:25 PM
AJ Heidmann ~ CRS
McEnearney Associates, Inc. - Alexandria, VA
YOUR Alexandria & Arlington, VA Real Estate Expert

Candice ~ This is a great post and dovetails nicely with a book that I am reading right now that stresses you should completely detach yourself from the outcome to allow yourself to commit to process.  Whether it is a listing appointment or trying something new, the effort is what matters and the chips will fall where they fall.

And I like any post with an Ozzie song embedded...

Feb 05, 2023 11:11 AM
Debe Maxwell, CRS
Savvy + Company (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC


WOW! I don't know how I missed this one but, you are singing my tune, Miss Candice! I can't tell me how often I tell agents to get out of their own way - we often sabotage, not only our businesses, but, our lives.

Love this post!

Mar 16, 2023 09:14 PM