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Worrying, Wanting & Waiting...Releasing Emotional Hurdles During A Home Sale.

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate

From time to time, I work with clients who are having a really difficult time leaving a home.  Sometimes, it is a home that they have lived in for decades which holds a lot of precious memories.  At other times, circumstances have changed; perhaps a job transfer which necessitate a move.  It is a really difficult thing to be dealing with the normal stress of showings and a move and also wrestle with the fact that deep down inside...you're not really ready to leave...just yet.

Over the years as I've counselled with my clients, I've realised that there are a number of reasons why people struggle to let go of a dwelling...even when they know they must.  One of the biggest issues is fear of the future and the unknown.  Other times, it is the feeling that by leaving, they will be separated from special moments that were a part of this special space they call "home".

Here are a few simple suggestions that many of my clients have found very helpful. 

practical solitudePractical Solitude

Set aside some time to alone & quiet within your home...quiet your heart, be still.  Turn off the TV, listen, hear and re-live special moments.  Look, really look at your home the way you would look into the face of a dear friend.  Relish the moments that have been shared, the laughter, the tears, the good times, the bad...Listen to hear things that may still need to be resolved.  In the stillness you will hear this as well.  Take note

 

Thanksgiving

Express gratitude outloud.  Yes, these walls have heard a lot of things during your time within them. Why not your thanksgiving? 

Thank out loud for the goodness & provision and shelter that your home has provided you.  Thank out loud for the many friends and family members who have found solace, refuge and friendship within it's walls. 

Thank out loud for the difficult lessons learned and the trials you survived.  Thank out loud that you and this home exist...many homes and people no longer do. Thank out loud that your home will soon be transferred to new owners who will be the beneficiaries of the shelter your home has faithfully provided.

 

 

releasing the blessing of peaceRelease the Blessing of Peace

A final step is to release the blessing of peace.  I suggest that you go through each room, thanking silently or audibly and then releasing God's peace into the space in preparation for the new owners.  This can be a wonderful time to envision the blessings that you desire for the welfare of those who will purchase your home. 

Different blessings can be released for different areas.  For instance in the kitchen, you can release wholesome goodness in the food that is prepared & bless this center of life to be a place in which the family or individual experiences the joy of friendship and satisfaction. Remember we all reap what we sow.  What you are doing for others will eventually be returned in some fashion back to you.

 

Many have found these few simple steps to be very helpful as they prepare to move.  Even if it is not a difficult move emotionally, this process can be extraordinarily enriching.

Comments(21)

Edite Liepina-Lawrence
ERA Tradewind Real Estate - Longmont, CO

Long time ago, I read in a book that over a period of time our soul gets attached to a place where we live with invisible strings. When we leave, we feel pain inside because these strings start to tear...

 

 

 

Mar 15, 2007 03:24 AM
Terry Collins II
HomeSmart ICARE Realty - Sacramento, CA
If it involves real estate, I'm there.

Letting go is very difficult for me concerning things I feel have sentimental value. Reading this blog reminded me of the good times I had growing up in my home town. Thank you

Mar 15, 2007 03:39 AM
Lynda Eisenmann
Preferred Home Brokers - Brea, CA
Broker Associate ,CRS,GRI,SRES, Brea,CA, Orange Co

Lola,

Lovely thoughts, thank you.

Last week I had the reverse experience.  My client (who went through a divorce) said it was time to move on because her home "just wasn't loved any more".  And the signs were very visual, yard had become over grown from neglect was just the first. It's interesting in so many ways how our homes are a reflection of our lives.

Mar 15, 2007 03:46 AM
Anna Lukyanova
Century 21 Sundance Realty - Daytona Beach, FL
Thank you for the positive, inspiration thoughts.
Mar 15, 2007 03:50 AM
Stephen Luckett
ExecuHome Realty-LuckNet Real Estate Group - Dundalk Sparrows Point, MD
Lola-Thanks so much for this-so well written. I have had a few clients that have struggled emotionally and and had to help them keep their eye on the future. Thanks for the thoughts in helping others through what they may consider "trying times"
Mar 15, 2007 04:32 AM
Therese VanderMeer
Midwest Properties of MI - Grand Rapids - Jenison, MI
Realtor-Greater Grand Rapids, MI area communities
Lola...beautiful Blog!!  Thank you for the information and guidance which will enable me to be able to help my clients who find themselves in this difficult and painful place.
Mar 15, 2007 04:34 AM
Desiree Daniels
RE/MAX Tri County - Robbinsville, NJ

Lola - Great blog and wonderful advise.   I pride myself on much of the same principals.   Best wishes and thank you for sharing.

 

Desiree

Mar 15, 2007 04:55 AM
No Longer Active
Real Estate - Fallon, MT
Fortunately I have not encountered anyone with a deep emotional attached to their house.  I normally point out the fun and excitement of what lies ahead and reinforce the fact that memories are in their mind and will not disappear at the closing.
Mar 15, 2007 04:56 AM
Theresa Cavanaugh
Global Realty Marketing - Appleton, WI
Very moving and great advice.  Thank you for sharing.
Mar 15, 2007 05:19 AM
George Tallabas
RE/MAX Advantage - Nampa, ID
Idaho Real Estate
Thank you Lola...yes people to have emotions that run deep in a home.  I remember selling a 2-story home many years ago in my hometown.  My Sellers had lived in that home for over 40 years and raised 3 boys and a girl it.  I sold the that home for them and sold them a 1 story smaller home with a smaller yard on the other side of town.  About a month after I had sold them the smaller single story home I visited my clients.  I sat down at the dining table having a cup of tea.  All of a sudden the wife asked me how the buyers liked their old home.  I said the love it because it has so much charm and character.  All of a sudden a tear came out of the corner of her eye and said to me.  "I was thinking about my kids the other day and though back to when they were little.  I heard their little feet in my mind coming down the stairs at Christmas time and I really miss that".  I then started to cry and we both had a good little cry that finally ended in laughter and hugs.  Thanks for sharing my friend.
Mar 15, 2007 07:34 AM
"The Lovely Wife" The One And Only TLW.
President-Tutas Towne Realty, Inc. - Kissimmee, FL

Lola...

Well this is very nice. Not to mention the wonderful advice you give to people who are going through a stressful time. I'm beginning to think that you my dear are in the profession. You'd make one hellava good therapist :)

TLW...ROAR!

Mar 15, 2007 07:44 AM
Michele Connors
The Overton Group, LLC Pitt & Carteret County - Greenville, NC
Your Eastern North Carolina Realtor
Memories can travel with us, that is the saving grace ! I too love your post, have had clients that are emotionally attached and ..well, know the time is right and once they resettle in the new home- they are thankful. All those memories intact . Time to make new memories and traditions.
Mar 15, 2007 10:15 AM
Chris Tesch
RE/MAX Bryan-College Station - College Station, TX
College Station, Texas Real Estate
Awesome post!  I too have had trouble leaving a home.  I can almost see my kids taking their first steps, or remember our first party in the house.  It's always an adventure to get to the next one to see what the future holds as well!  Soon I'll have a house that my grandkids will take some of their first steps in!!!
Mar 15, 2007 11:51 AM
Laura Cerrano
Feng Shui Manhattan Long Island - Locust Valley, NY
Certified Feng Shui Expert, Speaker & Researcher

 

 Lola, what a beautiful post. Many people are so attached to their homes and you have the perfect advice for them to get through a difficult time. Some people also believe a home won't sell if the seller is unable to "let go."

Mar 15, 2007 12:19 PM
Tonia DeBeaux
eXp Realty - Olympia, WA
Managing Broker, ABR,AHWD,C2EX,CNE,CRS,SFR,SRES
Nice post.  Thanks.
Mar 15, 2007 04:38 PM
Lola Audu
Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate - Grand Rapids, MI
Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI ~Welcome Home!

Vickie,  Thanks for stopping by

Edite, Interesting observation.  I remember watching a program in which Maya Angelou made observations along the same vein about how space is affected by different sorts of interactions.

Terry, Glad this brought back good memories! :)

Mar 16, 2007 06:53 AM
Lola Audu
Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate - Grand Rapids, MI
Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI ~Welcome Home!

Lynda, Thanks for the comment.  I would strongly agree that often times you can tell much about what has gone on in a home through indications of the type of neglect you referred to.  For a home buyer purchasing a property that has gone through this kind of sad process, these steps can also be "modified" by them to bring blessing into the transfer of ownership.

Anna & Stephen...Thanks for your comments. I hope this helps others as it has helped many whom I have been in contact with.

Mar 16, 2007 06:57 AM
Lola Audu
Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate - Grand Rapids, MI
Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI ~Welcome Home!

Therese, when a client is having a lot of trouble "letting go", giving them something like this to do can ease the pain in the process.

Desiree, that's great that you're doing this sort of thing!  Blessings to you!

Dan, great counsel!  I also encourage them to collect their memories in photgraphs. Different things work for different people I guess.

Therese, thanks for your comment.

Mar 16, 2007 07:07 AM
Lola Audu
Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate - Grand Rapids, MI
Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI ~Welcome Home!

George, Thank YOU for sharing.  That was beautiful & I am especially touched by the fact that you have relationships with your clients that enable them to open up to you with such vulnerable honesty.

TLW, I think you've been reading my mail. :)  Yesterday evening, I found myself at a benefit banquet for therapists who run a counselling service that's been in existence in Grand Rapids for more than 60 and provides services for Free or very little fees to many who cannot afford it.  I did kind of wonder...just what I was doing there!  On the other hand...don't want to spend another 4 years in school, so I'll stick to real estate. :)

Amen Michelle...Time to make NEW memories!

Mar 16, 2007 07:13 AM
Lola Audu
Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate - Grand Rapids, MI
Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI ~Welcome Home!

Thanks for your perspective Chris.  As a professional real estate agent, I was once given the advise that we should move every so often just to remind ourselves of what our clients go through.

Carole, interesting perspective about how a seller's emotional unwillingness to release a home may impact the results of the transaction.  There is still much to be learned about the impact our emotions exert on our lives.

Tonia, Thanks for your comment.

 

Mar 16, 2007 07:17 AM