When I get old, I'm not going to be sitting around knitting. I'm going to be clicking my "Life Alert Button" to see how many Firefighters show up!!!
As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
Please don't hold me responsible for what my face does when you talk.
Remember when teachers used to say "you won't have a calculator everywhere you go"??? Well, we sure showed them.
I try to be a nice person but sometimes my mouth doesn't cooperate.
Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said: Disneyland Left... So they started crying and headed home.
The only problem with some people is that they exist!!
I look both ways before crossing a one-way street. That's how little faith I have left in humanity.
I put my scale in the bathroom corner, and that's where that bitch will stay until she apologizes.
May You Make This A Happy New Day
May The World Be Kind To You
May Your Own Thoughts Be Gentle Upon Yourself