At the risk of tooting my own horn, I've never shared this story publicly or really with anyone other than Ailina. One of my favorite acts of kindness to do for others is a simple one, it's very rewarding and it just feels good:
Black Coffee And A Breakfast Sandwich
I used to drive from San Diego to The SF Bay Area twice per month to keep up with my monthly visits with Wyatt when he was little. Yes, that totals 2,000 miles per month of being on the road, mostly alone. I like road trips for the freedom of them, the think-time, the books on tape aka mobile university opportunity and of course the sights you see along the journey. But, at times, especially late at night with no sights to see on 500 miles of Highway 5, it's a tad lonley.
This loneliness became key to discovering my empathy, an emotion I discovered during these years. See, I've never felt sorry for homeless people, mostly because I once was homeless when I was 16, living in my car. My attitude was, "If I can do it, you can do it" - given I got myself off the streets by age 17. But, that was both youthful angst and a harsh black & white mentality. Given what I know now about mental illness in general and working with Veterans, some who very much suffer from PTSD - I feel differently. Not everyone on the street is a drug addict; I certainly wasn't yet there I was once living in my car.
The Bay Area's icy wind cuts to the bone and it was freezing cold outside, this particular 46 degree February morning in 2004. This was the morning my attitude changed. I stopped at a Starbucks on the way out of town from San Mateo back to San Diego. It was very dark at 4:30AM and as I walked down the sidewalk towards the shop entrance I was startled by a homeless man in a doorway, ironically whom I had startled equally. I don't know why, but I said "good morning sir" and he smiled at me as I kept walking. But what struck me, as I stood in line for my coffee and breakfast was how lonely he looked, and yet how my greeting him was almost a brief mutual blessing of connection. Perplexed.
I ordered my food and coffee and sat down. Why was this guy still on my mind, I walk by many homeless unfortunately in San Diego and in San Francisco with little regard most of the time up till that point. He just not only seemed so cold, but so lonely. I remember how lonely sleeping in my car felt as a kid. My food was ready and I started to leave and then the thought hit me hard. "I can't walk by that guy with my hot food and coffee and act like he's not there." In a confused huff, I got back in line and ordered a copy of my breakfast.
On the way out I stopped at his spot and as he looked at me I handed him a bag
with a breakfast sandwich and squatted down to hand him his coffee. "It's Black Coffee And A Breakfast Sandwich to warm you up. They'd have to let you inside to eat it if you want to get out of this doorway."
His haggard, heavily bearded face broke from surprise into a big smile as he reached for the food and he said "Oh Really? For me? Oh my God Bless you son."
I just smiled back and said "Have a good day friend." I walked back to my car and drove back to San Diego. But, ever since then, I've repeated this same gesture many times over, whenever I see a homeless person outside an eating establishment I'm on my way into. I'll never give them money; despite them not all being addicts, I've been around too many drug addicts and alcoholics in my own family and circle of friends when I was younger so it's a blanket policy; but I'll always feed them. The joy from this simple act of kindness has always been mutually beneficial.
Givers Gain.
Image 1 by pixabay.com/users/myriams-fotos-ekg
Image 2 by REDioACTIVE from Pixabay night drive
Photo 3 by Quang Anh Ha Nguyen: https://www.pexels.com/
Photo 4 by Pixabay: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-s-face-34534/
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