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Acts of Kindness | Stand Up for Kindness | Fear No Evil

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with KD Realty - 408.972.1822 CA DRE#01366594

This post is my third entry in Acts of Kindness | Sharing Love & Joy This Holiday Season the December 2023 Active Rain Challenge.  

This post is about an act of kindness by someone I know. It is inspired by something I learned following the death of a friend. I learned that our deceased friend believed something about me, something I allegedly said or did, that was not true. Someone told a straight-up lie, and it was believed as though it were truth.

 

How often in life does this happen? 

How sad that for over ten (10) years my friend believed something about me that was not true and did not, for God only knows what reason(s) come to me with it. 

I am thankful that someone dared to speak the truth to me with kindness in their heart. 

 



Might "kindness" mean something different to each of us? 

From the Collins Dictionary the definition of Kindness

"Kindness is the quality of being gentle, caring, and helpful.
We have been treated with such kindness by everybody. 

Synonyms: goodwill, understanding, charity, grace."  

"A kindness is a helpful or considerate act."

The opposite of kindness could mean different things to different people. 
Hundreds of words fall into the category of "opposite of kindness". I am confident most of us could list at least 5 words off the top of our head without thinking. 

Some acts could be perceived as "evil" without intent to do evil. The lies talked about me, I believe, were evil, with evil intent. 

 



I am a Christian.  In my world, Christianity has nothing to do with religion. 

The Golden Rule comes to my mind in thinking about whether I perceive an act to be kind or unkind.  Would I want it said or done to me?  

Matthew 7:12

"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."

How many of us stop and think before we say or do something that may hurt someone? Or are we so hurt or angry that in that moment, we just don't care?

If the intent is to hurt someone my guess is much thought may be put into actions someone might take or words that may be spoken. 

 


 

Kindness Comes From the Heart

The older I get the more wisdom and discernment I acquire from my life experiences.  

  • If angry or upset, say, and do nothing until I am cooled off. Level heads prevail. 
  •  
  • Do not make assumptions. Trust but verify. If/when I feel hurt by what a friend said or did, check it out with them. I owe it to myself to first seek the truth. I pick up the phone, call them, and have a heartfelt discussion.  This is not a time for a text or an email. 
  •  
  • Sometimes it is best to take the high road and say nothing. If that is what I would want someone else to do, then that may be the right choice.  
  • Sometimes I must call people out on their 💩 because that is the right thing to do. This takes courage and may result in the loss of a friend. Yet, if someone has done me so wrong, I need to call them on it, then they likely were not a true real friend, to begin with. 

 

 

There are things people have told me in confidence that I will take to my grave. Maybe that is what my friend did.  When people trust me to tell me (think confessions or secrets) I must hold their trust close to my heart. 

The best gift of kindness anyone can give me is to trust me with their truth. We can have a grown-arse adult conversation about whatever it is. We may disagree on things. An apology may be in order. We might hug it out in understanding or misunderstanding. We might decide together that continuing the relationship is not in our best interest and let go with forgiveness and grace. 

 

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Comments(21)

Endre Barath, Jr.
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices California Properties - Beverly Hills, CA
Realtor - Los Angeles Home Sales 310.486.1002

Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist  what a sad situation and I find that this is not a rare occurrence, I am of the belief that the advent of social media has not helped rather escalated these types of situations, Endre

Dec 25, 2023 02:16 PM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist

I agree Endre Barath, Jr. People may feel empowered sitting safely behind a device and saying things they would not say to someone's face - most of us would call that cowardly. 

I appreciate you reaching out last night.  

Thank you for stopping by and commenting.  

 

Dec 26, 2023 07:07 AM
Leanne Smith
Dirt Road Real Estate - Golden Valley, AZ
The Grit and Gratitude Agent

First Merry Christmas and second your post reaffirms that we humans are first emotional creatures and tend to react emotionally. Sometimes logic will kick in after the emotions have died down. Then embarrassment takes over and the negative emotions are still there.  We must remember human beings are negatively conditioned from their infancy and young childhood. This negative conditioning continues well into adulthood unless the individual recognizes that negative conditioning. Letting go with grace is not possible for some folks. Great post and a great reminder.

Dec 25, 2023 03:30 PM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist

Miss Leanne Smith thank you for your comment and for sharing your thoughts on human behavior.  I know I have been guilty of having an emotional response to something that I had not verified as "truth". 

These days, thankfully, that rarely happens. 

I agree, some people cannot let go at all let alone let go with grace. 

Dec 26, 2023 07:11 AM
Kathy Streib
Cypress, TX
Home Stager/Redesign

Merry Christmas, Kathleen. Kindness is such a broad word. Often being kind can mean telling the truth even if it does hurt. Isn't it interesting how willing we are to believe something negative about a person?! What you've learned as you've gotten older is something for all of us to reflect on. One is taking the high road. I ask myself what my purpose is when I want to tell someone something. If it's to hurt the other person then rethink what I want to say. 

Dec 25, 2023 08:26 PM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist

I never want to hurt another person Kathy Streib - not even when I am angry. I know that I have unintentionally, and I know I have lost "friendships" by speaking my truth. Even coming solely from my heart with the best of intentions ... some people just cannot handle it. 

I like the way you assess yourself:  weights and measures - some things just don't need to be said even though we want to say them. 

Thank you for stopping by and commenting. 

 

Dec 26, 2023 07:18 AM
Bo Zivak
Zivak Realty Group - Nashville, TN
Nashville Real Estate Broker

Thank you for sharing these uplifting stories that brighten our day.

Dec 26, 2023 02:14 AM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist

Thank you for stopping by and commenting Bo Zivak 

 

Dec 26, 2023 07:19 AM
Kat Palmiotti
eXp Commercial, Referral Divison - Kalispell, MT
Helping your Montana dreams take root

Aww, it's too bad that person didn't talk to you about what they heard and that you didn't find out until it was too late to have that conversation. I think many people are afraid to have real discussions about things that actually matter. And that's a shame. Often things can be cleared up by a simple discussion.

I hope your Christmas was wonderful.

Dec 26, 2023 05:06 AM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist

Hello Kat Palmiotti - this comes from a person with a level head and with emotional maturity and intelligence ... thank you. 

"I think many people are afraid to have real discussions about things that actually matter."   

I did have a wonderful Christmas, thank you. 

I trust you did as well. 

Dec 26, 2023 07:21 AM
Wayne Martin
Wayne M Martin - Oswego, IL
Real Estate Broker - Retired

Good morning Kathleen. The best way for me to say it has been said by Nina Hollander, Broker, especially  "not sure what it says about us humans"! Enjoy your day.

Dec 26, 2023 05:06 AM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist

It says a lot about humans.  Animals have a better way of communicating Wayne Martin 

Thank you for stopping by and commenting. 

Dec 26, 2023 07:23 AM
Michael Jacobs
Pasadena, CA
Pasadena And Southern California 818.516.4393

Hello Kathleen - this is a deep post.  For me, there are hidden, and not-so-hidden roots, found.   Many possible points of origination.  And origins like definitions are subject to interpretation. 

Posts like this can find meaning for each of us.  Additionally, comments can offer clues - perhaps, insight.  

A belated Merry Christmas.  Best wishes for 2024.  

Dec 26, 2023 05:17 AM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist

Hello Michael Jacobs - it is deep.  I felt my deep feelings as I was writing it. Had not planned on including this as a challenge post-entry, yet when I learned about it, so close to Christmas, I felt the need to write about it. It was tugging at my heart. 

Thank you for your insightful comment. 

I've learned more, and grown from the experience. 

All the best for you in 2024 and beyond! 

Dec 26, 2023 07:27 AM
Bill Salvatore - East Valley
Arizona Elite Properties - Chandler, AZ
Realtor - 602-999-0952 / em: golfArizona@cox.net

We do go by the Golden Rule. Have a super fantastic week!

Bill Salvatore, Realtor- Arizona Elite Properties

Dec 26, 2023 05:20 AM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist

Thank you for stopping by and commenting Bill Salvatore - East Valley 

Dec 26, 2023 07:27 AM
George Souto
George Souto NMLS #65149 - Middletown, CT
Your Connecticut Mortgage Expert

Kathy it is hard to understand why someone would make up things about someone else.  When the truth comes out, it ends up making them look bad.

Dec 26, 2023 11:40 AM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist

The truth always comes out. The truth withstands the test of time! 

If only I understood the "human condition" George Souto 

Maybe I could bottle it, can it, bag it, and sell it (LOL)

The more I ponder what people say and do,  I wonder how much deeper the mental health crisis runs.  Leanne Smith talks about the negative conditioning ... no doubt that plays a role. 

 

Dec 26, 2023 12:17 PM
Carol Williams
Although I'm retired, I love sharing my knowledge and learning from other real estate industry professionals. - Wenatchee, WA
Retired Agent / Broker / Prop. Mgr, Wenatchee, WA

Hi Kathleen,
I was thinking earlier today about this subject. I was listening to the Audible version of Kat Timpf's book "You Can't Joke About That". She was talking about how things get taken out of context (often purposely), and the bashing begins without any effort to verify the truth.  My thought was: What would happen if, before bashing someone about something they allegedly said or did, we contacted the offender and asked if that was true and what their intent was? Wouldn't that change the world?

Dec 26, 2023 02:08 PM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist

Hi Carol Williams - well, yes it would IF they told the truth. 

That would only work with emotionally intelligent people with the courage to do so. 

Some people don't want to verify the truth. They are stuck in their victimhood and drama-making. They feed off of it. 

Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts on this. 

Dec 26, 2023 02:57 PM
Myrl Jeffcoat
Sacramento, CA
Greater Sacramento Realtor - Retired

I think the problem we especially have today, is that folks look for alternative facts that support their world view, rather than looking for truth.  I worry it could cost us our democracy.

Dec 27, 2023 11:07 AM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist

Oh my gosh, Myrl Jeffcoat - I could not agree with you more!  

When people hold negative emotions in their hearts, I do not believe they can see or hear the truth.

We see so much of this today with the divide, people don't want to hear the truth. They refuse to look at the facts, look at history, and open their hearts. We are being fed so many lies, so much deception, and people believe it as if it has merit or truth. 

Thank you for your comment. 

Dec 27, 2023 11:14 AM
Sheri Sperry - MCNE®
Coldwell Banker Realty - Sedona, AZ
(928) 274-7355 ~ YOUR Solutions REALTOR®

Hi Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist - What a shame that your friend never talked with you about the lie that was told to them.  All we can hope for is that all things become clear when we meet our maker.  

As you stated,  when we become wiser in our years, we can learn to be mindful of the negative things we might say and hold our thoughts through an emotional period. 

My mother told me that if I don't have anything good to say about a person, don't say anything.  

Dec 30, 2023 01:47 PM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist

My mother said the same thing. I have not always practiced silence.  

I do believe all is revealed when we meet our maker.  Hopefully, my friend laughed their butt off as hard as I did when I heard about the tall tales told. 

Thank you for stopping by and commenting Sheri Sperry - MCNE® 

Dec 30, 2023 02:17 PM
Elyse Berman, PA
LoKation Real Estate - Boca Raton, FL
Boca Raton FL (561) 716-7824

It's very sad Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist why someone would do that, but it seems the world has changed much since we grew up.  We can feel badly but we are only responsible for our actions.  

Wishing you a prosperous and Happy New Year!

Jan 01, 2024 05:18 PM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist

Well said Miss Elyse Berman, PA - we are only responsible for our actions.  I would add, the actions include our thoughts.  How we think dictates how we feel. How we feel directs how we act.  

Thank you for your comment. 

Happy New Year - so much more in 2024! 

Jan 02, 2024 08:44 AM
Debe Maxwell, CRS
Savvy + Company (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
The RIGHT CHARLOTTE REALTOR!

Oh, you know, that certainly does make my (good or bad) habit of going directly to the source and ASKING, worth the time and the anxiety to do so, Kathleen. I do feel strongly that she NOW knows the truth and will greet you with open arms when you reach those pearly gates.

Jan 28, 2024 01:15 PM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist
KD Realty - 408.972.1822 - San Jose, CA
Probate Real Estate Services

 

I believe so as well Debe Maxwell, CRS 

Things are not always as one might think, hear, or believe. There comes a time when the truth is revealed.  I expect to be laughing my back side off when I get there. 

Jan 29, 2024 02:24 PM
Wanda Kubat-Nerdin - Wanda Can!
Red Rock Real Estate (435) 632-9374 - St. George, UT
The best agent in Southern Utah!

Just now read your post, Kathleen and understand the rumor mill very well. We are living in a different time, where the saying, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." has lost it's true meaning.

Being honest is considered rude and inflammatory now and I say, so what?! I'd rather be truthful than noxiuosly sweet with deception! So sorry your friend passed away without know the truth. I mean that sincerely.

Feb 18, 2024 12:17 PM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist
KD Realty - 408.972.1822 - San Jose, CA
Probate Real Estate Services

 

I do know that you mean that sincerely Miss Wanda Kubat-Nerdin - Wanda Can! 

I am just not one to hold back anymore when people do harm, or lie, which is harmful. I will stand up, speak up., and defend all that is good and right. 

Thank you for stopping by and for your heartfelt comment. 💛💙

 

Feb 18, 2024 01:47 PM
Thomas J. Nelson, REALTOR ® CRS,ABR,PSA,RCS-D, ePRO
Big Block Realty 858.232.8722 - La Jolla, CA
Serving Coastal San Diego, Veteran's & Seniors

Wow, I missed this post.

I like how you summed up where you are with handling things these days, it's a good list. In fact on it's own would be a great post to expand on.

I wasn't clear, did your friend go to the grave with that misbelief about you? This almost happened to my sister and I, my mother lied to her about me, but on her own, she figured out it was a lie. But we lost 5 years as a result in the interim. 

Mar 29, 2024 08:07 AM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist

 

Hello Thomas J. Nelson, REALTOR ® e-Pro CRS RCS-D Vets Yes, my friend did go to their grave believing the falsehoods about me. I do believe once we transition all truths are revealed.  It is sad that your mother lied about you and caused a divide, and loss of 5 years between you and your sister.  With enough time, the truth will always be revealed. Thank you for stopping by and commenting. 

Mar 29, 2024 08:52 AM
Lise Howe
Keller Williams Capital Properties - Washington, DC
Assoc. Broker in DC, MD, VA and attorney in DC

I am so sorry that this happened to you and that it went on for so many years and you were unable to fix it because you didn't know... very sad

Apr 07, 2024 07:17 PM
Pat Starnes-Front Gate Realty
Front Gate Real Estate - Brandon, MS
601-991-2900 Office; 601-278-4513 Cell

I'm sorry this happened, and there is nothing to be done to remedy it.

People have broken off friendships and we wonder why... a "friend" unfriended me on FB, and I didn't understand. I ran into her over the weekend at an Open House and she kind of snubbed me. To my knowledge, I've done nothing to her. Yet I wonder what she heard from the "rumor mill". It's sad, but since this was more an acquaintance than a friend, I'm not confronting her. She can believe whatever she had heard. But it still bothers me.

May 16, 2024 11:00 AM