Are client's rowdy children devils?.....or somthing else?

My son has PDD which is a form of Autism and he goes with me to closings! He is 7 and is on the coach pitch team that I manage! I look at it as some people will never understand unless they have a child with a disabilty. You know what,he has better insight into people than some adults I know. He is a loving caring child who loves his dad and thats what keeps me going...even when the outside world doesn't understand-my prayers are with you-dont let it get you down :)

Ethan, thanks for sharing your perspective. :)

I think prior to becoming a parent myself I wasn't terribly patient with children. I'd travel a lot and nothing irritated me more than being stuck on a plane with a crying child.

That said I understood situation and certainly never would have made a comment in the manner you describe the middle aged man did. I did roll my eyes a few times (at least on the inside).

Of course time changes us, experiences adds to the richness of who we are (hopefully anyway).

My eyes are wide open now (or perhaps mostly wide open - there is always more to learn). I now view child development as such a varied affair that I feel pretty comfortable incorporating almost all types of behavior (no matter how irritating at the time) into the process, it's just a necessary step for many kids (not the least of which those suffering from something like autism).

Kids being loud? Kids do that sometimes. Kids breaking rules, kids disobeying, kids being kids? Yup...they do that too. That's not to say that undesirable behavior shouldn't be addressed with consistent parenting...just that kids are not monsters.

If you head out in public for dinner...well, kids have a right to be there as well. Want perfect silence? Buy a 100 acres, build your house in the middle, and don't ever venture forth.

Cheers, -B

 

Every child is a gift..and has a special light. Your son's is that infectious smile.It will see him through and open many hearts!

You are very blessed.

My daughter and I were in a store the other day and a girl about 9 or 10 screamed and made some noises that startled me they were so sharp in a quiet environment.  (it was actually provoked by being happy but it didn't sound like she was happy) I realized what was going on and went about my business.  My daughter came over and said I just saw a show on Tourettes s syndrome, I wouldn't have known what was going on if I hadn't.  I'm glad I understand it, now.  I was actually surprised she knew about it and was empathetic. 

So many people aren't tollerant and unfortunately, sometimes we're just collateral damage for someone elses bad day.  That guy had a crappy day and took it out on innocent by standers.  Maybe he should have stayed home and ordered a pizza.

Ethan,

I was an after school care-giver for a child with autism when I was in high school.  I understand what you are saying. 

Sometimes people made very rude comments and remarks... and you know what... you don't owe anyone an explanations when it comes to your child's disability. I know that's easier said than done though.  I would fiercly defend my child as well!

The only person who needs to make an excuse for themselves, is the idiot who makes ignorant comments under their breath... well, loud enough for everyone to hear of course!

Thanks for bringing this up.  Kids are part of the family...  and that's what homes are for!!!  They will always be part of the picture.

Ethan -

I've been blessed with two boys that definitely had their rowdy days.  I think my experience helps me when I work with clients.  I keep crayons, markers and papers in my office, as well as a few stuffed animals.  A few of my clients have had special needs children and so far I've managed to make it work.

Sorry to hear about the grouchy couple in the restaurant!  My elderly, sometimes grouchy uncle lives in Pe Ell, so I was relieved when you said he was with his wife!  My uncle is a bachelor and at least I know it wasn't him in the restaurant!

Ethan,

Thank you for sharing this very powerful post. It always amazes me as to how people can be so very rude, cruel and ignorant. God bless you and yours : )

 

 Ethan,

Yes, the man has a bad case of ignorance, which is no excuse for poor behavior.  EVERY child is a blessing, too bad he doesn't see that.  Let's just hope he's not a parent!

I think you handled the situation better than I would have.  I don't know the extent of the "argument" that followed his "what the kid needs is some old fashioned discipline!" comment, but I would have probably retorted with something like, "And what you need a some old fashioned compassion!"

Most people's world revolves around themselves, and their own perceptions and perspectives.  You perfectly illustrated this in your example.  The man's reality -- that the enjoyment of his meal was being undermined by a rowdy child --  was limited by his perspective.  Changing perspectives -- a difficult thing to do under even the best circumstances -- would have allowed him to see a happy child, instead of a nuisance. 

I encourage anyone interested in the topic of Perspectives to check out my post WANTED: Fresh Perspective. Apply Within.

Thats a great point you made.  There is often more to the story than meets the eye, as seems to be the case with your son.  Along the same lines, a client's poor reaction or an uncalled for remark might also be the result of unseen stresses and may be completely unrelated to the transaction at hand.  It always seems to work out better not to rush to judgement.

Bottom line is that in this case your son is not to fault.  However, one must consider how their choices will affect others.  If being how I am is going to offend others in certain situations, I won't put myself in those situations.  I am not a jerk and usually don't say anything, but I am offended at parents who put the comfort of one person above the comfort of many.  Most of the time the unruly children are the result of what I consider poor parenting.  This excludes the parents of children with disabilities.  But these parents need to consider the good of the many over the good of a few.

Ethan.

The joy of my life is my son, who has Autism. We too have had to deal with the reactions of others to behaviors that seem "different" or "not age appropriate". It is very difficult to remain calm in situations like the one you found yourself in. I will continue to take my son to restaurants, movies, malls, and anywhere else that we enjoy. I agree with Rich, people do need to have a fresh perspective on what they are encountering.  Kathy Snow has one of the best perspectives about this issue. On her Disability is Natural website she says:

Who are the so-called "handicapped" or "disabled"?

According to stereotypical perceptions, they are:

People who suffer from the tragedy of birth defects.

Paraplegic heroes who struggle to become normal again.

Victims who fight to overcome their challenges.

Categorically, they are called retarded, autistic, blind,

deaf, learning disabled, etc., etc., etc. --- ad nauseam!

 Who are they, really?

Moms and Dads. . . Sons and Daughters . . . Employees and Employers

Friends and Neighbors . . . Students and Teachers. . . Leaders and Followers

Scientists, Doctors, Actors, Presidents, and More

They are people.

They are people, first.

My hope is that we will all begin to understand and see that DISABILITY IS INDEED NATURAL!

Thank you for sharing this experience. I know how truly blessed you are as a parent.

LisaWopschall

Brookings Oregon

Man....I hate to be the party pooper here and I do understand that people should not be rude and I do sympathize with your child's disability and I think that you and your son might be getting painted with the same brush as people who are irresponsible parents, but people letting their kids run wild has become a plague of epidemic proportions.  Way too many parents allow their kids to act out inappropriately and I think that parents, including ones who have children with disabilities such as your child's, should be prepared to remove their child from a situation when they become a disturbance to other people's life's.  In essence, your rights extend to the point where they infringe upon mine and vise versa.

I write a column on a web site called http://www.yojayhudson.com/ and in response to the recent story that was on the news about the family that was kicked off of an Airtrans plane because the kid was acting out I wrote the following article. http://www.yojayhudson.com/Outraged_brat1.htm Please take a second to read it and feel free to write me back and tell me what you think.

Bob 

My daughter was a strong willed child and made me eat those words "my child will never do that" many times.

What a beautiful boy!  You cannot change other people. It seems with age some people think it is okay to complain about everything and anything.  Not all disabilities are entirely visable. I think you handled yourself as well as you could under the critism and lack of empathy. There is a big difference between parents who ignore poor behavior in children, and a parent handling a child who is challenged. I admire your courage! BRAVO.

Ethan,

My brother in law is special needs - not autistic, just developmentally disabled... so I see it in a 30yr old and sometimes it isn't any better.  It can be very frustrating for everyone...but it is part of life and I will admit to being much more open in my life to such special needs people.

My son is 14 months old next week - not autistic... and I see the dirty looks...especially from the snowbirds who believe that this area is meant ONLY for the 55+ crowd.  I will admit that I do not like when I see kids running around a restaurant or making a huge disturbance because I have worked in restaurants and it is DANGEROUS.  People walking with hot food or drinks and kids running under them is an accident waiting to happen.

But... you CANNOT go to a Family Restaurant and expect not to have a kid somewhere in the vicinity acting up ... autistic or not.  Perhaps the guy would be better suited to dine elsewhere.

The restaurants that cater to families are usually very sensitive to kids... for instance, at 14 months, there is a LOT of mess under the high chair.  We always get a good bit of it (when we get good service)... but good family restaurants tell you to leave it because that's their job. 

It is a good family restaurant's job to also deal with the rude people that disrupt your family meal.

My good friend and neighbor has an autistic child, he is 15.... He has a heart of gold and a quick sharp wit, so very funny...... You have been very blessed and god chose you because you are special.. not everyone can handle it..those who do not understand have not had to deal with it before.. bless you Ethan..

 

 I agree wth David...

I learned long ago from my parents, who are teachers. Never to talk bad about a child to their parents. If the child is a problem you state the facts on a report card and let the parents decide for themselves, what they should do.

 That person should have just let it be...Kids are kids...They make noise, they move around. The are not old farts!

YES, I have had to bite my lip a time or two. I had one client that had a child who was in their car following me and they had to pull over because the child kept reaching out the window and opening the door. Because she couldn't open the door from the inside thanks to child safety locks. WOW - scary going 35 and the back door opens with a kid on it.

Then another time I had a mother tell her daughter please stop doing that and the 2 yes TWO year old daughter told her mom "F**K You"  - I couldn't believe what I had heard. I have a 2 year old. I couldn't even imagine those words coming out of my daughters mouth. Then the mom said, what did I say. Then just ignored her and didn't even punish her.

I'm glad you have the patience to try to explain to others who are not understand that a disability can affect a child and their behavior to the world.

Todd

WOW - I'm not a fan of children - at ALL - but the fact that they could have a disease or developmental problem never occured to me....thanks for opening my eyes!

SK