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Thoughtful Thursdays…Behavior

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Home Stager

Thoughtful Thursdays…Behavior

 

Yesterday, I read Richie Alan Naggar’s post about change…our changes and the changes that occur around us. People and things around us change. We can’t escape it and sooner or later it causes a change in our behavior.

 

When I was doing my practicum in grad school, I had a young patient who was acting out.  The first session included the young patient and his parents.

Our plan involved weekly sessions involving the whole family and a weekly session with the young boy. His parents, however, did not think the group family sessions were necessary but agreed to weekly sessions for their son. 

 

I was frustrated because I wasn’t sure how to proceed without the participation of the parents. 

My Advisor gave me advice that has stayed with me…

 

Focus on changing the behavior of the young boy. Changes in his behavior may affect the parents, how they interact with him, and their family dynamics.

 

(This was when I became a behaviorist)

 

We can try to change others but the only behavior we have control over is our own. So make use of that knowledge. 

 

Change your behavior.

The agent who constantly enlists your help but is “too busy’ to help you? Change your behavior towards them. Say NO.

 

Whatever they do or say is not up to you. The change in how you behave just might impact their future behavior.

 

The friend who is always late for dinner? You fume and stay until they show up.  They never show remorse even after you express your displeasure. Your behavior next time? Leave after (you choose) minutes. 

 

To change behavior in the world around you… begin with your own. 




The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.
Oprah Winfrey

 

If you want to change attitudes, start with a change in behavior.  William Glasser

Posted by

Kathy Streib
Retired Home Stager
and Interior Redesign

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Comments(21)

Michael Elliott
Fathom Realty - Burlington Township, NJ
Burlington, New Jersey Residential Sales

I used to take things personally, ie, when people are late.  I thought it was disrespectful.  Then I just accepted that they are a mess.   Then I felt better!

May 16, 2024 05:11 AM
Kathy Streib

Michael Elliott interesting perspective. 

May 16, 2024 11:19 AM
Brian England
Ambrose Realty Management LLC - Gilbert, AZ
MBA, GRI, REALTOR® Real Estate in East Valley AZ

I would think that you found out there was a reason the boy was acting out and it likely had something to do with how his parents acted, haha.

May 16, 2024 05:14 AM
Kathy Streib

Brian England it was the dynamics of the family interaction that perpetuated his behavior. 

May 16, 2024 11:20 AM
Michael Jacobs
Pasadena, CA
Pasadena And Southern California 818.516.4393

Hello Kathy - lessons learned in life continue to be taught.  In different yet similar ways.  

May 16, 2024 05:23 AM
Kathy Streib

Michael Jacobs isn't it interesting how some things said to or observed by us last forever. 

May 16, 2024 11:21 AM
Kat Palmiotti
eXp Commercial, Referral Divison - Kalispell, MT
Helping your Montana dreams take root

That was excellent advice from your advisor. If we focus on what we CAN do, who knows what ripples will result?

May 16, 2024 05:29 AM
Kathy Streib

Kat Palmiotti precisely. Put our energies on our own actions. 

May 16, 2024 11:21 AM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Good morning Kathy,

You had excellent advice from your advisor. So many parents are so busy with their own lives they don't and won't take time to be involved with sessions to help their children. It's such a shame but you have no control over their actions. Then they wonder why their child acts out! 

May 16, 2024 05:33 AM
Kathy Streib

Dorie Dillard Austin TX I'm sure our teachers see this all of the time. Some parents leave the parenting to the schools. 

May 16, 2024 11:22 AM
Richie Alan Naggar
people first...then business Ran Right Realty - Riverside, CA
agent & author

Here, we find a good role model for the subject matter ladies & gentleman Kathy Streib 

May 16, 2024 05:56 AM
Kathy Streib

Always love your posts Richie Alan Naggar And they inspire other posts!

May 16, 2024 11:28 AM
Wayne Martin
Wayne M Martin - Oswego, IL
Real Estate Broker - Retired

Good morning Kathy. The only constant in life is change. As for me, change is a process and not an event. Enjoy your day.

May 16, 2024 06:00 AM
Kathy Streib

I agree Wayne Martin I've learned to quit worrying about the small stuff and how someone may react to what I do. 

May 16, 2024 11:29 AM
Ed Silva, 203-206-0754
Mapleridge Realty, CT 203-206-0754 - Waterbury, CT
Central CT Real Estate Broker Serving all equally

Some serious pondering to do with this post.  Offering help when requested is not a negative but giving help to someone that is just a user doesn't get a lot of second chances.

May 16, 2024 06:01 AM
Kathy Streib

Exactly Ed Silva, 203-206-0754 I have a neighbor who is constantly in need of help and he instantly turns to Larry and me instead of his adult sons. We're learning to change our behavior. 

May 16, 2024 11:31 AM
Carol Williams
Although I'm retired, I love sharing my knowledge and learning from other real estate industry professionals. - Wenatchee, WA
Retired Agent / Broker / Prop. Mgr, Wenatchee, WA

BINGO! The only thing I have control over is myself and how I act & react.

May 16, 2024 07:12 AM
Kathy Streib

Carol Williams it's one of those "growing up" things you learn. 

May 16, 2024 11:31 AM
Leanne Smith
Dirt Road Real Estate - Golden Valley, AZ
The Grit and Gratitude Agent

If we subscribe to the belief that our attitudes are habits of thoughts and our thoughts potentially drive our behaviors, then we must begin to change the words we think. My motto to my coaching clients has always include: Change your Words, Improve your Results.

May 16, 2024 07:25 AM
Kathy Streib

Which Leanne Smith changes our behavior. Our change is as Kat Palmiotti suggested like a ripple effect. 

May 16, 2024 11:32 AM
Roy Kelley
Retired - Gaithersburg, MD

Thanks, Kathy, for sharing your experience. I love your quote selections.

Have a great day!

May 16, 2024 08:27 AM
Kathy Streib

Thank you Roy Kelley Hello to Chef Dolores. 

May 16, 2024 11:33 AM
Doug Dawes
Keller Williams Evolution - 447 Boston Street, Suite #5, Topsfield, MA - Topsfield, MA
Your Personal Realtor®

Right on, Kathy Streib 

I don't think I knew you were a behaviorist. Our oldest is a BCBA and his biggest challenge is not usually the patient/client rather the parents. You received good advice.

May 16, 2024 09:23 AM
Kathy Streib

Doug Dawes I'm not a hardcore behaviorist but I have found that behavioral changes can be more effective than words. 

May 16, 2024 11:34 AM
Wanda Kubat-Nerdin - Wanda Can!
Red Rock Real Estate (435) 632-9374 - St. George, UT
St. George Utah Area Residential Sales Agent

Yes. We are unable to change others but can control our own behavior and how we react, Kathy. Took me a long time to understand this! p.s. I hope you made strides with that young boy! 🙏

May 16, 2024 09:27 AM
Kathy Streib

Wanda Kubat-Nerdin - Wanda Can! I think we did but sadly my semester was up and I don't know about the followup. It would have been up to his parents and the young boy. 

May 16, 2024 11:35 AM
George Souto
George Souto NMLS #65149 - Middletown, CT
Your Connecticut Mortgage Expert

Kathy my wife and I had another couple who we enjoyed spending time with, BUT they were always late, and I mean really late, not just a few minutes.  That is until one time after waiting what we felt was a reasonable time of 15 minutes, we left.  Guess what they were not late again.

May 16, 2024 01:19 PM
Kathy Streib

There you go George Souto there was no reason for them to change their behavior until you changed yours!!! BTW- we had a friend like that as well. This was back when we were willing to wait in line at our favorite Italian restaurant. We waited but when we got to the head of the line, they weren't there so we had to go to the back!  Never did that again. 

May 16, 2024 05:58 PM
Sharon Tara
Sharon Tara Transformations - Portsmouth, NH
Retired New Hampshire Home Stager

It seems this is one of those things that it takes a while to learn. Once you learn it and accept it your life changes.

To change behavior in the world around you… begin with your own.

May 16, 2024 02:07 PM
Kathy Streib

Sharon Tara you are so right about that. I guess it's part of maturing. 

May 16, 2024 06:00 PM
Patricia Feager, ABR,CRS,GRI,MRP
DFW FINE PROPERTIES - Flower Mound, TX
Selling Homes Changing Lives

Kathy Streib - my Bachelor's Degree was in Applied Behavioral Sciences. It was a degree program I never forgot. Change always begins with me.

Thanks for the mention of Richie Alan Naggar - I'll be sure to visit his blog post 

May 16, 2024 03:02 PM
Kathy Streib

Patricia Feager, MBA, CRS, GRI,MRP  A family friend and attorney wanted me to go to law school but I chose grad school in clinical psy.  I think you'll enjoy reading Richie's posts.

May 16, 2024 06:18 PM
Richie Alan Naggar

Thoughtful & caring this Patricia Feager, MBA, CRS, GRI,MRP is...

May 17, 2024 05:20 AM
Patricia Feager, ABR,CRS,GRI,MRP

Hi Kathy Streib - After my Bachelors Degree, I spent 10 years taking law classes in HR while working in HR. After getting my Masters in HR Management, I became a REALTOR, thinking I could sell my own house and move anywhere else I wanted. But here I am still a REALTOR. I did go on to further my education and in 2006 graduated as a Paralegal while staying in this business of real estate. 

Clinical Psychology must have been very interesting. In one semester, we spent hours watching movies to psychoanalyze movie characters. The one our class did best was analyzing One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. It was fun!  

May 17, 2024 08:35 AM
Jeff Dowler, CRS
eXp Realty of California, Inc. - Carlsbad, CA
The Southern California Relocation Dude

Hi Kathy:

You've made some excellent points about behavior and what we can control...and what we cannot. The interplay between our attitude and our behavior and what we CAN control is a valuable life lesson to learn. Trying to control others' behavior leads to frustration for both parties.

Jeff 

BananaTUDE Group logo     Featured in BananaTUDE

May 16, 2024 04:48 PM
Kathy Streib

Jeff Dowler, CRS thank you for the feature in Bananatude. We're human and we're always trying to change someone else's behavior. It's in our nature. LOL

May 16, 2024 06:21 PM
Endre Barath, Jr.
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices California Properties - Beverly Hills, CA
Realtor - Los Angeles Home Sales 310.486.1002

Kathy Streib  I always enjoy Richie Alan Naggar  posts, it has been a while since he was posting good to see him back, now maybe we can get him to stay and interact with the peasants like me:)Endre

May 16, 2024 09:43 PM
Richie Alan Naggar

Endre Barath, Jr. ,,,I remain your servant in these matters

May 17, 2024 05:17 AM
Hannah Williams
HomeStarr Realty - Philadelphia, PA
Expertise NE Philadelphia & Bucks 215-820-3376

Kathy Streib, So glad Carol Williams featured your post, as I missed this one. Changing other's behavior is not what we should worry about; it is our own. If we are not getting the results we want it may be time for a change! 

May 18, 2024 10:25 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Love this post Kathy Streib !  Thanks to Carol for posting or I would have missed it.  I really appreciate your insights.  Choosing how you react to another's "known" behavior releases you of the drama and headache.  There was a volunteer that always showed up late for every meeting.  It used to frustrate me to no end and she wsa a fellow realtor. I would react negatively to her as I thought it was rude.  But I learned she's late to everything so it had nothing to do with me and my negativity only hurt my own attitude.  Revelation!  Thank you for this life lesson reminded!

May 21, 2024 09:19 PM