In a Girl Scout camp in Colorado there lives a tree named Hercules. As the name suggests, the tree is massive and draws you toward it. Because of its magnetism, we designed a program with Hercules at the center.
We chose four girls from the group who each stood at a point about 10 feet from the tree, forming a square that surrounded Hercules. The rest of the girls then proceeded in a circle, slowly, and passed by the four girls, one at a time. As they passed by each corner, the girl standing there would look at them, pause, and then say, “Yes!” or “No!” If the girl passing by got a yes, she then stood beside that girl, but if she got a no, then she kept on walking.
What the passersby didn’t know was that each of the girls at the four corners had been given a trait that they were looking for, and when they saw that, they would respond with “Yes!” That trait might be the passerby was wearing her hair in braids, or the passerby was wearing glasses, or the passerby was wearing the color red.
Once the girls were sorted, there were some who hadn’t received a yes at all, others who had, and some who had heard the word “No!” from a girl who she thought was her friend. We sat down under the shade of Hercules to discuss how it all felt. Some were sad, some were happy, some were confused. Both the ones who were picking or denying AND the ones who were being sorted, as it were, had some strong emotional responses to the exercise.
It has stuck with me all these years because it’s something that we do from time to time. We make assumptions about people and make selections based on something a person said or how they carry themselves or how they present themselves. We allow what someone else says to then alter how we respond. We feel hurt, so we might withdraw. We feel damaged, so we might snap back.
Once the girls embraced that they were not in control of how they had been selected, and once they verbalized how all of it made them feel, it was amazing to see how much kinder they were to one another. Even as the day progressed, I heard the conversations continue, and the assurances being given that yes, they really did like one another.
Maybe the visual of a great big tree will help you the next time you feel wronged or misjudged or cut off. Maybe you just don’t have enough of the facts. But truly, in the end, the only person you can control… is you. So continue to bring your best and don’t be hard on yourself. Use the missteps along the way to improve the next steps.
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