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No Backbone, No Deal: Why Agents Must Master the Counteroffer

By
Real Estate Agent with Big Block Realty 858.232.8722 CA BRE# 01261476

It seems like in the last 5 years or so, the art of negotiation is becoming a lost skill among newer and younger agents. I’m seeing a troubling pattern (on my multiple-offer listings especially) where, instead of countering back after an initial seller counteroffer, they simply walk away—leaving their clients empty-handed. Worse yet, some agents fumble through explaining the counter options, missing the opportunity to advocate for their buyers and push back effectively. They actually get their clients emotional vs. calm with cooler heads prevailing. Where’s the resolve, the backbone, that used to fuel multiple back-and-forth counters? It's frustrating as a listing agent to see this happening.

Negotiating is one of the core pillars of what we offer as agents. It's a fundamental part of the job—alongside educating and guiding our clients through the process and providing access to on and off market homes. If you take negotiating out of the equation, you’re no longer offering the full service your buyers deserve. Without that third leg of the stool, the whole process collapses, and it's the client who suffers the most. They lose out on homes they truly wanted, not because the deal was impossible, but because the agent lacked the tenacity to fight for it.

They make Buyer Counter Offers for a reason folks. In today's competitive market, negotiation isn’t optional—it’s essential. And without that skill, you're doing a disservice to your buyers. Let’s not forget that it’s our job to advocate for their best interests, and sometimes that means pushing back. If we don’t, the stool topples, and so does the deal.

Final Thought: If you're going to walk away anyhow, why not take a shot at countering your way back to a better win/win first?

Images by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Posted by


Thomas J. Nelson
REALTOR®, CRS, RCS-D, CDPE, e-Pro, Certified Military Home Specialist, Luxury Home Specialist, Author, Keynote Speaker and  Podcast Host 

Serving Coastal San Diego from Carlsbad to Coronado, Downtown, Balboa Park Area,
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Disclaimer:  Nothing in this blog article is to be construed as legal advice, tax advice, medical advice or financial advice.  For legal advice see an attorney.   For tax advice, health or financial advice see a tax attorney, certified public accountant, or other qualified professional.
Lise Howe
Keller Williams Capital Properties - Washington, DC
Assoc. Broker in DC, MD, VA and attorney in DC

There are so many things that are changing in this market - this is definitely one of them

Sep 29, 2024 07:07 AM
Roy Kelley
Retired - Gaithersburg, MD

Thank you very much, Thomas, for sharing your experience and advice.

Have a productive autumn.

Sep 29, 2024 07:29 AM
Thomas J. Nelson, REALTOR ® CRS,ABR,PSA,RCS-D, ePRO

Thanks Roy! What's Autumn? We go from summer to The Holidays here in San Diego! 😉😂

Sep 29, 2024 07:43 AM
Will Hamm
Hamm Homes - Aurora, CO
"Where There's a Will, There's a Way!"

Hello Thomas and I see to many people do not negotiation any more.  I always say we can counter to get the best deal.  Can I reblog this this coming week

 

Sep 29, 2024 08:02 AM
Carol Williams
Although I'm retired, I love sharing my knowledge and learning from other real estate industry professionals. - Wenatchee, WA
Retired Agent / Broker / Prop. Mgr, Wenatchee, WA

Hi Thomas,
Negotiation is absolutely a skill. With so little training of young agents, that is just one of many skills not being taught.

Sep 29, 2024 08:06 AM
Kat Palmiotti
eXp Commercial, Referral Divison - Kalispell, MT
Helping your Montana dreams take root

For those who are not skilled at negotiations, there are courses offered in that skill. Find one and learn!

Sep 29, 2024 08:34 AM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Good morning Michael,

What a great post! If we are going to be an advocate for our clients we need to push the envelope as far as we can to get or get close to our clients threshold of tolerance. If your not fighting for your clients its a shame because you never would know if you could have come to agreement. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Sep 29, 2024 10:19 AM
Lew Corcoran
Better Living Real Estate, LLC - East Bridgewater, MA
Expert guidance. Exceptional results.

Thank you, Thomas J. Nelson, REALTOR ® CRS,ABR,PSA,RCS-D, ePRO, for shedding light on the critical importance of negotiation in real estate! I appreciate your insights on advocating for clients and the need for agents to reclaim this essential skill in today’s competitive market.

Sep 29, 2024 11:42 AM
Patricia Feager, ABR,CRS,GRI,MRP
DFW FINE PROPERTIES - Flower Mound, TX
Selling Homes Changing Lives

Thomas J. Nelson, REALTOR ® CRS,ABR,PSA,RCS-D, ePRO 

There are many who say they are experts at negotiations but are not. When it comes to real estates sales, when the Agent doesn't practice their fiduciary duty and creates or induces an emotional response to their clients, and can't or doesn't know how to effectively negotiate, they are not serving them in their best interest.

Sep 29, 2024 01:38 PM
Patricia Feager, ABR,CRS,GRI,MRP
DFW FINE PROPERTIES - Flower Mound, TX
Selling Homes Changing Lives

Thomas J. Nelson, REALTOR ® CRS,ABR,PSA,RCS-D, ePRO - Congratulations on a well-deserved FEATURE on ActiveRain!

Sep 29, 2024 01:38 PM
Steffy Hristova
HomeSmart Elite Group Tempe AZ Tel: 602.710.8161 - Tempe, AZ
Tempe AZ Realtor - Your Home Close to Your Work!

I am glad you wrote on this subject, Thomas. Both Buyers and Sellers should use the Counter Offers effectively to negotiate. Sometimes Sellers do not respond to offers they don't like, other times Buyers move on before all options have been explored. Good negotiators work to reach a meeting of the minds. When there are multiple offers it's a bit more complicated but so what.

I wrote on this on my blog, too, some time ago. Three Things Home Sellers Should Know about Multiple Of (activerain.com) 

Sep 29, 2024 01:45 PM
Dr. Paula McDonald
Beam & Branch Realty - Granbury, TX
Granbury, TX 936-203-0279

Thomas, this is an important post on this topic. Negotiating is an essential skill for this business. It takes time, training, and effort. This is a skill I use when I'm at a listing appointment. Letting my clients know the importance of this skill is key.

Sep 29, 2024 02:25 PM
Kathy Streib
Cypress, TX
Home Stager/Redesign

Thomas- Well done!  I don't think Negotiation and mastering the art of counteroffers have been covered much in the posts here. Finding a way to a win-win scenario makes everyone happy. 

Sep 29, 2024 05:58 PM
Leanne Smith
Dirt Road Real Estate - Golden Valley, AZ
The Grit and Gratitude Agent

Congratulations on the feature and negotiating is well known by experienced sales people. My sense is many agents do not realize they are salespeople whether as a listing agent or buyer's agent. Those who do their homework ahead of time are far better negotiators than those who fail to do their homework.

Sep 30, 2024 08:11 AM
Nick Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Realty ONE Group Advocates 484-237-2055 - Downingtown, PA
Selling the Main Line & Chester County

Negotiation is an art. I once bought an antique set of rare Chinese export Porcelain vases in Amsterdam at an auction. I carried them back to London as we had a big fair due and I wanted to exhibit them at the fair. An American client who I knew well and who bought a lot at auction came on the booth at the fair. He looked at the vases and the price I was asking. He humphed a bit and said you bought these in Amsterdam a couple of days ago. How can you ask that sort of profit. I was in my 20's and I looked him straight in the eye and said because I did buy them over everyone else bidding and then carried them back so I could show them here. He smiled and asked me what my best price was and after some negotiation he bought them and several other things from me and gave me a good profit. You cannot be afraid of people knowing the truth, or your motivation either. They are all steps on the way to getting a deal that works for everyone.

Sep 30, 2024 10:40 AM
Matt Price
Matthew Price, Broker and Auctioneer - Fuquay Varina, NC
Consider it Sold!

It is truly a poor statement when we have seen negotiations take place where Brokers get a yes or no, but if they come to the table with something additional it would be considered - they simply walk away from the negotiations and steer their clients to the fast buck.

They do this for a few reasons, one is they want a shortened closing period so they can get their commission cash in their pockets quicker so they throw their agency out the door for the sake of a dollar.

The other reason why they don't negotiate is because they don't understand their agency or explain it to the sellers.   You have to have a bare minimum plus or minus 5% or a fully offer plus or minus 5%, and you have to have it witch certain contingencies or not.  And you have to communicate the value of those contingencies rather than think the buyer is the enemy.

The last reason they refuse to negotiate is they simply don't know how to.

Sep 30, 2024 01:11 PM
Thomas J. Nelson, REALTOR ® CRS,ABR,PSA,RCS-D, ePRO

All valid observations and points Matt Price - thanks for visiting my blog!

Oct 03, 2024 07:11 AM
Ed Silva, 203-206-0754
Mapleridge Realty, CT 203-206-0754 - Waterbury, CT
Central CT Real Estate Broker Serving all equally

Getting a stable contract that all can be happy working is what we are supposed to do and yet some agents allow themselves to be pushed around to the pain of their clients.

Oct 01, 2024 06:13 AM
George Souto
George Souto NMLS #65149 - Middletown, CT
Your Connecticut Mortgage Expert

Thomas J. Nelson, REALTOR ® CRS,ABR,PSA,RCS-D, ePRO negotiating is a part of sales.  However, many in this business do not see themselves as sales people, and think being a sales person is beneath them, and pushy.  They confuse negotiating with pushy, therefore they do not negotiate.  

Oct 01, 2024 03:51 PM
Thomas J. Nelson, REALTOR ® CRS,ABR,PSA,RCS-D, ePRO

Couldn't agree more George Souto -sales is a noble profession when done with excellence. 

Oct 01, 2024 04:56 PM
Debe Maxwell, CRS
Savvy + Company (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
The RIGHT CHARLOTTE REALTOR!

Oh, what a wonderful post, TJ! I'm so with you - negotiating is a lost art! I've dealt with agents who have been around forever, who boast that they are THE end-all-be-all of negotiators and they're total push-overs! 

I have actually taught negotiating and my best advice is two-fold - plan ahead, knowing what your response is going to be, should you receive a counter. Secondly, I'm an advocate of win-win but, never 'meet in the middle' - make everyone feel that they won what was most important to them. To do that, you have to lay groundwork and do discovery during your conversations with the other agent BEFORE an Offer is submitted. Again, being known as the city "B___" or jerk is not being a great negotiator; I prefer to catch flies with honey!! LOL

Oct 01, 2024 06:39 PM
Thomas J. Nelson, REALTOR ® CRS,ABR,PSA,RCS-D, ePRO

Well said Debe Maxwell, CRS - great observations and tips too.

Oct 02, 2024 05:56 AM
John Juarez
The Medford Real Estate Team - Fremont, CA
ePRO, SRES, GRI, PMN

Our market has been a multiple offer, no contingencies offer for so long that agents have forgotten how to negotiate. The just take the easy way out.

Oct 02, 2024 05:55 PM
Thomas J. Nelson, REALTOR ® CRS,ABR,PSA,RCS-D, ePRO

Oh man, indeed John Juarez - I used to work up there, knowing that market well and even now I think The Bay Area is The Wild, Wild West compared to SoCal. Crazy market there.

Oct 02, 2024 06:19 PM
Laura Cerrano
Feng Shui Manhattan Long Island - Locust Valley, NY
Certified Feng Shui Expert, Speaker & Researcher

There is something to be said about all of that and just knowing yourself and knowing that life is a big experiment sometimes and you have to go for the things you are interested in doing

Oct 02, 2024 10:48 PM