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Never Have I Ever - Felt so Humbled During the Holidays

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Real Estate Agent with Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 SA5376460000

Every year on Christmas Day I travel to visit my oldest daughter and her family.  Planning travel for one is simple and I’m used to travelling for Christmas and other holidays by myself.  The flights are routine, parking is simple, and I’m on auto pilot usually before 8 am to catch an early flight.   But this holiday travel experience was one I’ll never forget.  The gifts this holiday season brings aren't tangible.  The gifts are humility, grace and feeling grateful.  

 

Boarding the first of my return flights from Huntsville to Dallas is non-eventful.  Scanning the rows for my reserved seat.  I noticed a woman sitting in the aisle seat.  My routine includes selecting a window seat as I like to doze or read a book.  As I waited in the aisle of the row of my my window seat, I announced that my seat was the window seat.   She didn't respond.  I announced it again thinking maybe she didn't hear me.  Nothing.  I then asked if she wanted my window seat and I would sit in the aisle seat.  She turned her head back and forth signaling no.  Finally, she attempted to move her things slowly as if giving me space to get to my seat.  She was a small, frail looking woman with thin, gray hair braided behind her head and wearing a double mask over her mouth.  Since there were no verbal cues and her eyes were not expressive, I took that as my directive.   I told her that I would climb over her.

 

Climbing over her was easy as neither of us are large people.  After I was situated, I noticed she gripped her cane firmly.  A flight attendant came along and asked her to lay the cane flat on the floor.  When the woman didn't comply, the flight  attendant looked at me, saying the same thing with no offer of assistance.  The woman looked at me and I helped her lay it flat.  It seemed like the flight attendant thought we were travelling together.  I never asked this woman her name since she was nonverbal, as communication was non-existent - never mind knowing her name.  She had enough to deal with so I doubted she wanted to know my name.   She resembled Jane Goodall; so let’s just call her Jane.

 

Jane had a cell phone in her hand but reached down to her bag and pulled out a small pad.  She used the pad to write with her finger like an “etcha sketch” and erase it with a button afterward.  Our eyes met and she wrote slowly, “I have non-verbal ALS.”    Wow, I thought!  Never have I ever met anyone with ALS, much less someone who is also non-verbal. 

I nodded and we ceased “communicating.”  Not knowing what else to say and  not wanting to add any additional stress to her flight,  I pulled out my AARP magazine to read. “Interesting reading choice,” I thought to myself. 

AARP reading - her straw is visible.

About halfway through the flight, she wrote that she needed to go to the bathroom.  Since she was seated when I boarded so I had no idea of her level of ability or how much she relied on her cane.  As she tried to stand up, it became very clear that she was barely mobile as she could not get up out of her seat.  The girl across the aisle saw us struggle and offered to help.  I nodded and she reached out to grab the woman around her rib cage and lifted her to standing position while I steadied her from behind.   After this exercise, I decided to follow her to make sure she got to the bathroom.   I helped her periodically when she weaved toward the back of the plane.  She made it to the bathroom without incident.   

 

Having never helped anyone with this type of disability, I guessed that she might need assistance during the bathroom process and getting back to her seat.    I told her I would close the door and stand outside, but we wouldn’t lock it.  She nodded.   After a few minutes, I knocked and noticed she needed assistance getting dressed.  Mission accomplished.  We headed back to our seats.  She had more difficulty getting back, appearing even weaker, especially when we tried to pass the exit row seats as they were further apart. 

 

“Man,” I thought.  This is unbelievable that she’s able to travel alone in this condition.  I wonder how her family let her travel this way.   Maybe she didn't have any?

 

Asking for assistance from the gal across the aisle, I slipped into the seat to help her from behind and she helped lower her into her seat while I made sure she was in the right spot and buckled her up.  “Where in the heck are the flight attendants?” I thought.    It seemed that no one knew of her abilities, let alone disabilities.  So many questions swirling in my head about people flying with disabilities, but no real assistance other than a wheelchair (I later learned) to get her to her flights and in her seat.

 

I asked her if she wanted anything to drink as the cart came by and she wrote, “water.”   I watched her try to use a straw.  SHE COULD NOT SUCK ON THE STRAW!!   She tried to drink water from the cup and It spilled down the front of her and she couldn’t swallow.  UNBELIEVABLE!  I’m shocked at her level of disability at this point.  Finally, I had the idea to use a straw as if giving fluid to a toddler.   This worked, but I had to be careful to put it to the side of her mouth as she slowly moved her head backward so she wouldn’t choke.   We managed to get half of a straw’s worth of water down her 4 times.   

 

After we worked to get her some water with the straw, she stopped me and tried to cough.  Yikes, I didn’t want to drown the poor thing.  We stopped after using MANY napkins to dry the spilled water.   She could barely cough and it was dangerous to give her any more water.

 

After a while she was sleepy and dozing, but she had the aisle seat.  She motioned for me to move and switch seats with her.  Once again, I climbed over her, using the seat in front for leverage.  Thankfully, I’m very limber.   She was finally able to get some rest with the window seat. 

 

When we were ready to deplane, I told her I was very glad it was me sitting next to her and not a very large man.  Her eyes told me she chuckled.  She also wrote on her pad that she had  son who works for the government in Madison, which happens to be the same city where my daughter works as a realtor for a builder selling new build homes.  She and I had both just celebrated Christmas near each other.  Her daughter is a nurse practitioner who lives in Surprise, Arizona.  She must live with her daughter, I assumed.   With that information, I realized we would be boarding the same connecting flight and I felt reassured she had someone on the other end to care for her, but no idea who she would be sitting with or if they would help her.

 

As I boarded this next connecting flight in Dallas, she was already seated.    I patted her arm as I walked by telling her she beat me on the plane.  She was already trying to recline her seat and we were still boarding. 

 

Another disheartening revelation; her level of disability also includes cognitive function.  I had already told her twice on the first flight that she couldn't recline the seat until after take off.  Sadly, this makes me think she won’t be on the same flights next Christmas.  As I write this from row 24, it is just sad.   Seeing someone who is clearly in a state of decline with a terminal illness is heart wrenching.    

Never Have I Ever Blog in Progress

And this flight will be landing well after midnight in Phoenix.  Someone in her condition should not be travelling at this hour.  It’s hard enough for the rest of us, much less someone with her illness.  A part of me wanted to give her my business card to share with her daughter.  I wanted to tell her daughter how hard this flight was for her to experience at every level.  But thinking it over, I changed my mind and didn’t share my card or my name.  Her daughter probably knows how hard this was for her as she’ll be meeting her at the airport and see first hand her condition with her medical experience.  And she lives with her daughter.   Maybe her family figured this might be her last Christmas  travelling to visit her son in Alabama?   

 

We all see people on the street or in public places with some form of disability, but we never really connect with them.   Some of their disabilities are obvious and some aren’t.  This connection had a profound effect on me.   One I’ll never forget.

 

Sure, I’ve fed the homeless many times at Thanksgiving; rang the Salvation Army bell numerous times; but never have I ever helped someone with a non-verbal illness like ALS.   Thinking of her son and daughter and watching her travel alone was a sad learning experience, but also an about face after just celebrating Christmas with my daughter's family.  I’m glad to have helped her and the gift that she shared taught me a lot about appreciating my good health and the health of my family.  Other benefits - grace, humility, and regard for the human condition.   

 

This experience makes me also appreciate those that regularly care for and come across people like this in everyday situations.   God bless them!   The endless cycle of disease, research, caregiving and oftentimes eventual death is an every day experience for them.

 

Having walked to raise funds for ALS in the past a few times, this is a wake up call.  But it was never personal until now.   The feature photos was taken right before an ALS Walk.   Could not resist taking a phots of those cute triplets supporting ALS.

 

If you’d like to learn more or donate to the ALS, check out their website.   Thanks to the 2014 "Ice Bucket Challenge" an astounding $154 million was raised for reseach so far.  Let's hope a cure can be found to help so many with this awful disease. 

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Show All Comments Sort:
Doug Rogers
RE/MAX Coastal Properties - Destin, FL
Your Real Estate Resource!

She was lucky to have you on the flight. It's a tough call, but at some point folks should no longer fly. Imagine 1) you hand not been close or 2) there was an emergency. She could have harmed herself and others. 

Jan 02, 2025 07:30 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Thank you for stopping by Endre Barath, Jr. !  I've since learned that airline attendants don't assist passengers, most likely for liability purposes.  Makes me think - what the heck happened to helping those in need!  It was definitely a day/flight I won't forget - ever!

Jan 02, 2025 08:24 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Appreciate your review, opinions, and suggestion Michael Jacobs !  This sure seems like a last ditch effort to visit her son and possibly his family in Madison.  She may have been strong willed and her family allowed her to go to satisfy her need for family at Christmas.  Sure seems to be at a high cost!  At least she was able to be with him at Christmas.  Maybe her daughter in Arizona couldn't take off from work?  Questions seem endless!  

Jan 02, 2025 08:26 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Appreciate your thoughts Wayne Martin .  My experience didn't exist!  I was solely focused on her and her needs.  When she tried to cough and couldn't, the gravity of her situation and eventual death took over.  This was aas close as it comes to seeing someone on their deathbed.  I'll never forget that. 

Jan 02, 2025 08:28 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

So true Kat Palmiotti she is brave!   I wonder if she was stubborn enough to demand to go as it may have been her last Christmas of flying, let alone flying alone?  I'm remember that day for a lifetime!  It's a good lesson for all of us to be more aware of those around us and of their needs. 

Jan 02, 2025 08:30 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Spot on Lew Corcoran !  That day serves as a reminder that no matter what life brings, nothing compares to a deadly illness with no chance of survival.  Appreciate your review and comments!

Jan 02, 2025 08:31 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Then you know first hand the intricacis of disabilities in airline travel.  I'm glad you're able to travel!  My heart went out to her immediately.  Another passenger across the aisle helped me get her up and continued to support me verbally with anything else we needed.  When faced with these challenges, it's a true test of the human spirit to rise to the occasion.  Thank you for your review and comments! 

Jan 02, 2025 08:33 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Indeed Brian England , that was one of my first thoughts. I had no idea of her situation and wasn't assisted by the crew.  Liability seems to have taken over caring for people!

Jan 02, 2025 08:34 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Right, Carol Williams !  Since that day, even more quesitons have formulated.  Was she adamant about travelling and her family wanted to grant her that freedom?  Since her son lives in Madison, maybe she felt she could get there?  Since she lives with her daughter (nurse practitioner) in Arizona, was she able to get off work?  Either way, it was an experience I will NEVER forget.   Seeing how dependent she was on anyone that could help created a lasting appreciation for my own good health!

Jan 02, 2025 08:36 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Very true Nick Vandekar, 610-203-4543 !  Usually I just read a book or am completely oblivious to those around me, as is everyeone else.  But not so on this flight.  What an experience!

Jan 02, 2025 08:38 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Thank you for your insights Patricia Feager !  I know you would have reacted the same, helping those that need help.  It's in your DNA!  I will always remember this experience, but especially the time at the end of the first flight where I could see i made her smile, sort of.  I told her, "It's a good thing a very large man was NOT seated next to you!"  Her eyes crinkled a little, which made me happy just to see that.  As a mother, our instincts kick in just when needed! 

Jan 02, 2025 08:40 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Very true Dorie Dillard Austin TX .   I wonder though.  When she asked to go to the bathroom, did she really have to go?  Not the urge, but she probably wore depends so there was no need.  Her cognitive skills and apprehension were waning since she kept trying to recline her seat when we were taking off.  I had to tell her she couldn't do that at least twice.   At any rate, I'm glad she made it back and to her daughter.  I bet she doesn't fly alone again, and may not fly period.  So sad!

Jan 02, 2025 08:42 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Thank  you Anna "Banana" Kruchten .  It boggles the mind! So many questions.....  I'll never know, but I can imagine her daughter and son are glad she is home safe!

Jan 02, 2025 08:44 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Jeff Dowler, CRS yes, she is very brave for flying alone.  But I also wonder if she's maybe stubborn?  Such an awful disease that maybe her kids decided to let her as it might be her last flight?  Thank you for your review.  I'm very sure you would have helped her as well, but maybe not in the bathroom!  Happy New Year to you!

Jan 02, 2025 08:45 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Joe Mojica, I'm sorry to hear of your experiences with caring for your mother (bless you) and now your wife.  That is heart wrenching and I can say the same for you.  We are only given that with which we are capable.  Clearly you have big shoulders.  And thank you for sharing your experience reading this post.  It was a very moving experience, so much so that my blog was finished during the connecting flight!  An experience like that is unforgettable, but also provides life long lessons.  Anytime I have an ache or pain, I won't complain after watching her struggle to drink a simple sip of water, much less make it down the aisle of the plane.   Have a wonderful new year!

Jan 02, 2025 08:49 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

You're right Doug Dawes .  I became very worried when she couldn't cough after a small half straw full of water that I gave her.  I realized the liability that I could face as well!  Either way she made it and I'm glad she has her daughter, a nurse practitioner.  

Jan 02, 2025 08:51 AM
Kathy Streib
Cypress, TX
Home Stager/Redesign

Jan- I am thankful that you were the one to be seated by this woman. I don't know what others in the same situation would have or could have done. I'm amazed that her family would let her travel on her own but who knows what their own situations were. 

I would have thought that someone would have asked the attendants to be aware of her situation but who knows. When my mother traveled years ago to visit my cousins, she was still very mobile but her memory was not what it used to be. However, we made sure the attendants knew who she was. We also had her name and the names of my cousins who would be meeting her at the plane. 

Your story is one that shows us how we are all in this together. 

Jan 02, 2025 07:14 PM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Thank you for commenting Kathy Streib !  That day brought several questions to mind.  Since I"ve never been in that situation, I wasn't sure how much a flight attendant could/woudl assist.  I searched and found the Airline Bill of Rights for Disabled passengers.  It does not include anything about assisting passengers with personal care.  And a passenger has to be able to get into and out of a wheelchair.  This woman could not get herself out of the seat.  Hmmm......

It does say that the airline needs as much notice as possible to know of wheelchair assistance, but that's it.  That was smart of you to share the names of cousins, etc so in case of emergency your Mom had care.  

Doing more research on this subject sent me down a rabbit hole!  I discovered wheelchairs have been damaged, left in the rain, and lost.  One woman died from an infection related to her chair being lost and being left in an airport wheelchari so long she developed sores!  Argh.  

I follow a local former Olympian who is now a paraplegic due to a 4 wheeler accident.  She has  a regular Instagram post where she talks about all things related to her disability that has been eye opening during the last 2 years.  It's aweful what some go through! 

Thank you again for commenting and sharing your mom's history.  I hope this topic is revisited by others with disabilities to improve care.  

Jan 05, 2025 10:03 AM
Wanda Kubat-Nerdin - Wanda Can!
Red Rock Real Estate (435) 632-9374 - St. George, UT
The best agent in Southern Utah!

The woman was clearly in good hands with you, Jan. My concerns are close to everyone else's, in that she should have had a companion or let the crew know of her health hallenges. Anyway, in the scheme of things, you were the chosen one to show her kindness and support when she truly needed it. 

Thanks for opening your heart up to a stranger, for sharing this experience and for being an absolute angel! 😇 

Jan 20, 2025 05:19 PM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Thank you Wanda Kubat-Nerdin - Wanda Can! !  Responding was automatic - I'm sure you would have done the same for anyone in that position.  

Jan 20, 2025 06:35 PM
Wanda Kubat-Nerdin - Wanda Can!

Absolutely, Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ.

Jan 20, 2025 06:42 PM