"Some influences in life are chosen, while others are thrust upon us by fate."
When my parents died, my brother and I became the responsibility of my Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Orval, our dad's brother and his wife. They didn't ask for the role, but they took it on anyway, shaping my life in ways I couldn't understand or appreciate at the time.
While their parenting style was focused more on discipline rather than affection, I try to see that their expectations and structure were their form of love that prepared me for the challenges of adulthood.
In the five years between my mother’s passing and my father’s, my brother and I had a lot of independence. Moving in with our aunt and uncle was a social and cultural shock, to say the least. At the time, I was extremely shy, and that is still a natural part of my personality. My aunt saw to it that I got involved in 4-H, and in many ways, that was the beginning of my journey toward self-confidence.
4-H gave me confidence, but school presented its own set of challenges. My aunt had high expectations, and academics were non-negotiable. While my heart was in sports, she made sure my grades came first, sometimes using tough love to get me there. I remember one instance when I received a C in Algebra, she threatened to take me out of after-school sports. Math was never my strong suit, but with some extra effort, I pulled my grade up to a B. Ultimately, I did well enough in school to be inducted into the National Honor Society.
One of the biggest frustrations of living under their roof was the inability to express an opinion. My aunt served on the school board, and she often knew what I said at school before I even got home. She warned me not to express my thoughts because people might assume they were hers. I still tend to hold back in the interest of keeping the peace, but I have also learned how to express myself tactfully to get my point across.
Looking back, I recognize that they expected more from me than my brother, which at the time seemed unfair. But my brother had undiagnosed dyslexia, and while he is highly intelligent, reading and writing were difficult for him. I now appreciate my own ability in those areas even more, knowing how much easier it has made life. Fortunately, he married a teacher who helped him navigate those challenges.
When I made the decision to leave college to move to Wenatchee, I knew they wouldn’t approve, but I wasn’t prepared for the full force of their opposition. They tried to stop me, even using legal arguments that turned out to be untrue. When I stood my ground, the fallout was immediate and painful. It came in the form of a letter that effectively disowned me. I had lost my parents once, and now I had lost them too. Despite my attempts over the years to reconnect, it never happened, and I am sorry about that.
With time and distance, I see that my aunt was the driving force in their household, while my uncle was basically a willing participant. They had already raised their own children and took on the responsibility of raising my brother and me the best they knew how. While I may not have appreciated some of their methods at the time, I can’t ignore the sacrifice and responsibility they took on with us.
Though our relationship never healed, I’ve come to understand that they did what they believed was right. They took on a responsibility they never expected, and while I may not have agreed with their methods, it's obvious their influence is woven into my resilience, my discipline, and my success... and for that, I am grateful.
* The featured picture is my Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Orval with their three grandsons from their daughter, Mary. This picture was taken around the year I graduated from high school. It is the only picture I have of them, which my cousin Jim, the boy on the left, shared.
This is my third entry into the March Challenge being hosted by Patricia Feager and Lew Corcoran.
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