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It's Not What You Say...

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Education & Training with Although I'm retired, I love sharing my knowledge and learning from other real estate industry professionals.

" It's Not What You Say… It's How You Say It" 

A meme (in the form of a question) on Facebook gave me flashbacks to life with the aunt who raised my brother and me after out parents died. 

My Aunt Dorothy had a knack for giving advice. The best piece of advice she ever gave me was: “It’s not what you say. It’s how you say it.”

At the time, I didn’t fully appreciate the depth of that wisdom. But somewhere along the line, it must have sunk in, because years later, someone told me, “You could tell someone to go to [that hot place], and they’d look forward to the trip.”

That made me laugh out loud, but it also made me realize how true my aunt’s words were. Tone, timing, body language, and even facial expression all play a role in communication. I think that's why written words are often misunderstood. There are no facial expressions, body language, or tone involved. The choice of words becomes even more critical. A hard truth can be softened with the right words, delivered in a kind way. 

Our success in business and personal relationships will depend on the way we communicate. We can either build bridges or burn them.

Posted by

Carol Williams

"Information is FREE.
Knowledge, Experience & Integrity Are Priceless."

- Carol Williams

Retired: Real Estate Broker/Owner, Property Manager 
Coaching, goal setting, and marketing consultant

Active: Golf & Travel Blogger
"Golf isn't a sport. It's a lifestyle."
SeniorWomenGolfers.com
TopTeamCarol@gmail.com
 

Whatever You're Doing, Make It Fun!



Comments(19)

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Michael Jacobs
Pasadena, CA
Pasadena And Southern California 818.516.4393

Hello Carol - reminders continue to show up.  Of different sorts and from different sources.  It's interesting to see how wisdom (in thought, word and deed) can be brought to the forefront.  Is it fortuitous or simply fortunate.  I wonder. . .  

Jun 12, 2025 03:42 AM
Carol Williams

Perhaps both, Michael Jacobs 😊

Jun 12, 2025 05:50 AM
Sham Reddy CRS
Howard Hanna RE Services, Dayton, OH - Dayton, OH
CRS

Great words of wisdom Carol. Thanks for sharing!!!

Our success in business and personal relationships will depend on the way we communicate. We can either build bridges or burn them.

Jun 12, 2025 03:59 AM
Carol Williams

Thanks, Sham. Have a wonderful weekend.

Jun 13, 2025 07:33 AM
Nina Hollander, Broker
Coldwell Banker Realty - Charlotte, NC
Your Greater Charlotte Real Estate Broker

Good morning, Carol... your aunt hit that proverbial nail on the head with that advice. 

Jun 12, 2025 04:37 AM
Carol Williams

Nina Hollander, Broker 
She really did.

Jun 13, 2025 07:34 AM
Roy Kelley
Retired - Gaithersburg, MD

Good Thursday morning, Carol.

Your blog post is a good reminder for all of us.

Have a great day!

Jun 12, 2025 04:56 AM
Carol Williams

Have a wonderful weekend, Roy Kelley 

Jun 13, 2025 07:34 AM
Kat Palmiotti
eXp Commercial, Referral Divison - Kalispell, MT
Helping your Montana dreams take root

Good morning! Yes indeed, how we say things definitely makes a huge difference. And writing/reading things on the Internet definitely provides a lot more room for miscommunications!

Jun 12, 2025 05:26 AM
Carol Williams

Hi Kat Palmiotti 
We sure see a lot of that in social media, don't we? 

Jun 13, 2025 07:34 AM
Gwen Fowler SC Lakes & Mountains 864-710-4518
Gwen Fowler Real Estate, Inc - Walhalla, SC
Gwen Fowler Real Estate, Inc.

Henry says I don't have a filter, what I think just comes out. Emojies do not communicate in my language so I just need to speak to someone.

Jun 12, 2025 05:40 AM
Carol Williams

Gwen Fowler SC Lakes & Mountains 864-710-4518 
Sometime we must use our "filter". 😊

Jun 13, 2025 07:35 AM
Wayne Martin
Wayne M Martin - Oswego, IL
Real Estate Broker - Retired

Goo morning Carol. Your aunt was correct. Think of all the people who spend big bucks on speech coaches. There is a reason. The thought should be good but the delivery is critical. Enjoy your day. 

Jun 12, 2025 05:46 AM
Carol Williams

Thanks, Wayne Martin 
Enjoy your weekend. 

Jun 13, 2025 07:35 AM
Ed Silva, 203-206-0754
Mapleridge Realty, CT 203-206-0754 - Waterbury, CT
Associate Real Estate Broker

Words so few appreciate. Tone and volume are the difference between success and failure.

Jun 12, 2025 06:46 AM
Carol Williams

For sure, Ed Silva, 203-206-0754 
Enjoy your weekend.

Jun 13, 2025 07:36 AM
George Souto
George Souto NMLS #65149 - Middletown, CT
Your Connecticut Mortgage Expert

Carol Williams this is why I do not like e-mails and texting, because they depend on so much the mood or mindset the person receiving it is in.

Jun 12, 2025 09:06 AM
Carol Williams

That's true, George Souto 
It's not just our mood, but the receivers as well. 

Jun 13, 2025 07:37 AM
Joan Cox
House to Home, Inc. - Denver Real Estate - 720-231-6373 - Denver, CO
Denver Real Estate - Selling One Home at a Time

Carol, it is all about the words you choose, and also how you deliver those words!

Jun 12, 2025 01:03 PM
Carol Williams

Absolutely, Joan Cox 

Jun 13, 2025 07:37 AM
Lew Corcoran
Better Living Real Estate, LLC - East Bridgewater, MA
Expert guidance. Exceptional results.

Thanks so much for sharing this insightful post, Carol Williams. I really appreciate your heartfelt reflections on communication. It's a reminder that how we say things truly matters more than what we say. Grateful for your wisdom and for taking the time to share your thoughts! 😊

Jun 12, 2025 02:07 PM
Carol Williams

Thank you, Lew Corcoran 
Have a great weekend.

Jun 13, 2025 07:38 AM
Anna "Banana" Kruchten
Retired Broker/Owner - Phoenix, AZ
602-380-4886

Absolutely Carol.  Non- verbal communication sometimes speaks more loudly than spoken words!

Jun 12, 2025 04:08 PM
Carol Williams

Anna "Banana" Kruchten 
That's true. 

Jun 13, 2025 07:38 AM
Kathy Streib
Cypress, TX
Retired Home Stager/Redesign

Hi Carol- your aunt offered you priceless words of wisdom. My words can cut and someone once told me the same thing. I am always watching how I serve my words. 

Jun 12, 2025 07:08 PM
Carol Williams

Honestly, Kathy Streib , I can't imagine you as anything but nice... with the possible exception of when your team is losing. 😂

Jun 13, 2025 07:39 AM
Kathy Streib

Carol- it's best not to be around then.

Jun 14, 2025 05:42 PM
Roy Kelley
Retired - Gaithersburg, MD

Good Friday the 13th morning, Carol.

Have a lucky day! 

40+ Happy Friday The 13th Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty ...

 

Jun 13, 2025 06:59 AM
Roy Kelley

I was out early to plant some hosta seeds. We have a hot and muggy morning in Maryland.

Jun 13, 2025 07:47 AM
Carol Williams

Thanks, Roy Kelley 
I was out deadheading some roses this morning and the wind almost blew me right into the rose bush. Those thorns would have hurt. So, it's already a lucky day that I recovered my balance. 😊

Jun 13, 2025 07:41 AM
Kathy Streib
Cypress, TX
Retired Home Stager/Redesign

Jun 14, 2025 06:31 PM
Carol Williams

Thank you so much, Kathy Streib 
I'm always honored to be in your weekly round-up. 

Jun 15, 2025 11:37 AM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Good morning Carol,

How did I miss your post?? I'm so glad Kathy Streib featured it in her Sunday Series. This is why I feel Robots just don't cut it interfacing with people! You are exactly right our success in business and personal relationships depend on the way we communicate. Tone, timing, body language, and even facial expression all play a role in communication. I don't see robots adopting these essential ways humans interact.

Jun 15, 2025 08:29 AM
Carol Williams

Hi Dorie Dillard Austin TX 
Nothing will ever replace human interaction and communication. 

Jun 15, 2025 11:38 AM
Dr. Paula McDonald
Beam & Branch Realty - Granbury, TX
Granbury, TX 936-203-0279

So true, Carol. Sadly, many burn so many bridges they have cut off their pathway.

Jun 16, 2025 08:36 PM
Jeff Dowler, CRS
eXp Realty of California, Inc. - Carlsbad, CA
The Southern California Relocation Dude

Hi Carol:

There is lots of wisdom in your post, starting off with your Aunt Dorothy's quote. Great reminder for us all in business and in real life.

Jeff

Jun 17, 2025 04:01 PM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

So true Carol!  Your Aunt was a wise woman.  Did not know your parents passed young.  You have had an interesting life!

Jun 18, 2025 02:32 PM