Lew Corcoran: Twain’s Roast Served Extra Crispy

Mark Twain sharpens his wit to roast Lew’s real estate hustle, photography quirks, staging flair, and drone antics.

Twain’s Comedy Roast Act

which is Twain-speak for ‘leaning walls and a smell you can’t quite place.’

“As a photographer, Lew captures moments so awkward they make family portraits look like crime scene evidence. 

“He even photographs houses like crime scenes. Every shot screams, ‘The culprit was bad lighting.’

“Leonardo Da Vinci painted timeless beauty. Lew photographs a staged fruit bowl and calls it ‘artistic composition.’

“Lew captures moments so blurry you’d think he was documenting ghosts. 

“Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa. Lew photographs the Mona Lisa gift shop and calls it art.

“Lew rearranges furniture like Ben Franklin's rearranged mistresses. He’ll put a lamp in the corner and call it ‘emotional resonance.’ Buyers walk in and wonder if they’re touring a home or auditioning for a play.

"He once staged a living room so dramatically that even Shakespeare asked him to tone it down.

“As a drone pilot—well, Lew flies drones like Franklin flew kites: straight into lightning. He calls it ‘cinematic aerial footage.’ I call it ‘the neighbors ducking for cover.’

“Lew insists he’s a Renaissance man. I say he’s more of a Renaissance Faire man—lots of costumes, plenty of drama, and turkey legs for everyone!

“I once said, ‘Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.’ Lew took that advice and started arguing with his own drone when it refused to land.

“I also once said, ‘Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.’ Lew took that advice and built a career. He stages homes like fairy tales, photographs them like ghost stories, sells them like tall tales, and flies drones like slapstick comedy.

“If Lew photographed the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve would’ve left early because the glaring bright lights were too distracting.

“If Lew photographed the Last Supper, half the apostles would be out of frame, the image tilted, and Judas would be blurry—all in a poorly lit photo.

“Lew’s ambition is taller than Franklin’s kite, but his execution lands shorter than Franklin’s patience for gout. He’s proof that genius skipped a generation, then came back for comic relief.

“Lew’s drone footage is so shaky it doubles as earthquake simulation training.

“As a stager, Lew once placed a chair so awkwardly that the chair itself asked to be moved.

“As a REALTOR, Lew brags about ‘open floor plans,’ which is Twain-speak for ‘no doors, no privacy, and no escape.’

“Lew’s ambition is like a hot air balloon: full of gas, drifting aimlessly, and occasionally crashing into trees.

“If Lew wrote a listing description, it would read like a fairy tale—except the wolf wins.

“Lew flies drones like a man swatting mosquitoes—loud, erratic, and guaranteed to annoy the neighbors.

“I skewered pompous fools. Lew skewers himself by insisting he’s humble while name-dropping renowned geniuses like they’re his poker buddies.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Lew is the only man who can make mediocrity look like genius, and genius look like a punchline. He’s proof that ambition can outrun talent, but only if talent stops for a nap.

"He’s not Da Vinci, Franklin, Lange, me, or anyone else for that matter. He’s Lew—a man who insists on being compared to legends. But he is a man who is nothing more than a legend in his own mind. And somehow, he still manages to trip over his own brilliance. And that’s why we love him."

Conclusion

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve roasted Lew from every angle—whether he’s peddling houses, snapping photos, shuffling furniture, or crashing drones. Genius may strut around in borrowed feathers, but comedy never loses its plumage.

“Lew, keep chuckling at your own expense. Keep hawking homes, keep fussing with lamps, keep blurring photographs, keep dive‑bombing with drones—but don’t forget: my sharpest jabs were always reserved for the fellow staring back from the mirror.”