When I first went into the Marine Corps at age 17 I was about 160 lbs. Soaking wet. It was hard keeping any weight on with all the running and the lack of time to eat. I think the first two weeks in I survived on split pea soup and milk. We would get into the chow hall and get every think you ever dreamed of eating. Stakes, chicken, mash potatoes, chocolate milk piled high on your tray. The problem was getting the time to eat it. Our drill instructor would have each table standing at attention waiting for his instructions to sit. Then he would give the command "ready seat". If we didn't sit exactly at the same time he would yell "get up, get up, get up. This would go on until he was satisfied with the sound of our butts hitting the bench. Then he would go down to the next table and so-on and so-on. When we were all seated he would command "Ready Eat". This process would sometimes take quite a bit of time and time was something that was not to be wasted or at least in the eyes of the DI. So guys would start to dig in sparks flying, teeth grinding, chow gulping and within a couple of second you would heard "Get Out". With all the running, crawling, jumping, push this and pull that it was hard to keep weight on. Things got a little easier as time went on. We only had to run three miles at 3 pm and do our pushups, setups, step-ups before we were allowed to go on liberty. Not bad.
When I got married at 19 and was just out of the Corps I was about 185 lbs. No running, no all the stuff I use to do and let's say I'm a little over 185 lbs. My wife Debbie use to dance with the service men at the Service Man's YMCA in Honolulu. That's where we met. She told me when she first saw me walk in her sister said "he wouldn't be half bad looking if he would put a little meat on his bones. Well their wish was my command.
I've said all this to bring to your attention an article I read yesterday. It seems soap is in a large degree the culprit for my indiscriminate weight gain. There is a chemical that is affecting the testosterone levels in men. Hallelujah! It's not all the French fries and whoppers I've been swallowing. That's right men change you soap and watch the weight wash away. No running, no nasty weight lifting, this could be an answer to prayer. Now let me see I wonder if it's because they smell so girly. I think there is a plot here. You know they want us to be in touch with our feminine side. Some female chemist has come up with a way to hood wink the entire male population by us just taking a bath. "Brilliant". That's it I'm done. I don't care if the dogs won't lick me and they try to bury me while I'm asleep. I haven't smelled any soap lately like the stuff grandma use to make. That stuff would take the hide off of a rhino. So repeat after me "I swear not to cave in to the female persuasive allurements and never take a bath again". So help me God.
In Your Service, Russ Prothero
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