A recent online post notes that if we ever worked with a knot of stress in our stomachs, we are not alone. We’re told it helps to put names to the heavy feelings we feel. And a lot of times, the post points out, these feelings can be traced back to anxiety.
“At the core of every anxiety is a fear,” said Tanisha Ranger, a Nevada-based clinical psychologist, adding later that “anxiety is a focus on the future, and it’s a fear of some looming disaster. You can’t name it; you’re not sure what it is. You just know that stuff’s about to hit the fan.”
The article asked different therapists about the work archetypes that are rooted in anxiety. The first step to counteracting our work worries, it’s suggested, is identifying where they come from.
- Perfectionism
We’re reminded that being a perfectionist is a popular answer candidates in a job interview give when asked about their biggest weakness, because having high expectations of ourselves and others is generally seen as an acceptable trait.
But being a perfectionist is actually a form of anxiety. Nikki Lacherza-Drew, a licensed psychologist, said that it’s the trait most people associate with anxiety.
“It is about control –– having it or being able to control who gets it if you don’t want it,” she said. “A big project that is supposed to be a team project might turn into a solo one for the person who has this trait as everything needs to go their way because they believe their way is the best way.“
We’re told that in reality, making everyone rise to our impossibly high standards will make us and everyone who works with us miserable. Lacherza-Drew said perfectionists are highly critical and can become defensive when someone, even a manager, attempts to offer constructive criticism of their work.
“Many individuals who have perfectionistic traits have low self-esteem or a fear of failure at their core,” Lacherza-Drew said. “They are desperately trying to not fail, and they believe the way to do that is to be perfect. It is actually ironic because perfection isn’t obtainable, and they will fail at that.”
It’s recommended that if we believe we are a perfectionist, we should try practicing self-compassion and consider reevaluating our standards to “good enough.”
- People-pleasing
Being the person who always agrees to help can make us well-liked, according to the post, but there’s a tipping point at which being a team player can start to do more harm than good.
“You’re the employee of everyone’s dreams. You say yes to all that is asked of you. Cover that event? Sure! Add this project to your to-do list? Absolutely! Get it done by tomorrow? Not a problem!” said Shannon Garcia, a psychotherapist at States of Wellness Counseling in Illinois and Wisconsin.
But if we notice that we say yes even when we don’t have the time or energy, we are people pleasers who sacrifice too much of our well-being for our jobs.
“People-pleasing is a form of anxiety because it comes from the worry of what others will think, say or do. If you said no to something your co-worker asks of you, will they be mad? Will they hate you? Will they never think of you as a helpful person again?” Garcia said. “Your anxiety encourages you to please people to the detriment of your own boundaries and well-being.“
To be less of a people pleaser, we’re advised to set boundaries on our time and decide if our desire to say yes is coming from a genuine place of wanting to help. Practice saying “I have to check my schedule” or “Let me get back to you on that” instead of impulsively agreeing right away to colleagues’ requests.
- Procrastination
If being assigned a project fills us with dread, we may put it off to avoid dealing with it. But professionals say it helps to recognize where our impulse to avoid hard things is coming from.
“If you find yourself avoiding certain people, places or tasks, it may actually be your anxiety taking over,” Garcia said. “You may avoid eating lunch in the break room because social situations cause anxiety. You may walk out of your way to not pass that one person’s cubicle who always wants to talk because you worry you’re going to be awkward. And worse, you may not go for a promotion because interviews make you uncomfortable.“
But the reality, the report stresses, is that avoiding difficult conversations and deadlines just ends up causing more anxiety.
“Something that I always tell my clients is anxiety feeds off avoidance. Avoidance is a temporary solution that, in the long run, makes your anxiety worse,” Garcia said.
If a project feels too overwhelming, we’re asked to try breaking it down into smaller tasks. “If I break it down into component parts, then I realize I can do each and every one of those things. I just can’t do them all at once,” Ranger said.
- Micromanagement
The report points out that if a person is dealing with anxiety, some of that may come out in the form of micromanaging. Similar to a perfectionist, a micromanager may have a strong need to control the tiniest details of every task, even if it makes them unpopular with co-workers who find them overbearing.
Ranger said that for anxious micromanagers, “your move is to try to control the environment, to try to make sure you’re on top of, in charge of, have a hand in every single thing that’s going to done. ‘If I don’t do it, it won’t get done, or it will get done poorly. And that will come back to me.’”
Ranger noted that these micromanaging fears can sometimes be traced back to childhoods in which the person was treated as a middle manager by their parents and caretakers, meaning they “had a lot of responsibility but no power,” she said. “When things went wrong, it felt very much like it was on you that it went wrong. When you grow up like that, whenever you feel a little bit anxious... or you can see something that might be going off the rails, you move to control the environment because internally you are freaking out. You may not be able to recognize that as an adult, but it’s happening.”
The post says that if we want to be better at knowing when a status check with a co-worker is warranted and when it’s actually unhelpful, there are questions we can ask ourselves. Kimberly B. Cummings, a leadership consultant and author said that micromanagers should ask themselves questions like, “What is this colleague’s track record of success?” “Have they completed their assignments on time?” “Do they demonstrate a full understanding of their role, the tasks and the projects?” before they decide to check in because they feel anxious.
- Busyness
Here’s another familiar trait. If we feel like we always need to plan happy hours and keep up with everyone’s social life to be the best colleague, we should reflect upon where our need to be in everybody’s business is coming from. Ranger said the desire to keep ourselves involved could stem from the anxious fear of not being liked and not being accepted if we don’t engage in these social transactions.
Ranger said that busybodies believe “If you’re OK, then I’m OK” and may have grown up in households where they felt like they had to earn love. “People only want you around insofar as you are a benefit to them” is a belief the needs-to-be-busy person may think, she said.
“What that person needs to see is that even if they’re not doing everything, people still like them, people still respect them,” Ranger said. “Let’s take this down to one thing: You can specifically be the birthday card person. You don’t plan the outings, you don’t plan the potlucks... you do one thing and see what happens. Because it’s going to show you that there are plenty of people who like you and care for you outside of what you do for them.”
In summary, the article states that if any of these personality traits sound like us, we shouldn’t panic.
“I think what’s important to note about personality traits is that they can be on a spectrum,” Lacherza-Drew said. “Just because we have a certain personality trait or predisposition for one doesn’t necessarily mean we will see it in action.”
Good advice. Identify our “conditions” and recognize we may or may not see them manifest. But we can learn how to handle if they do!
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