✨ THE VIEW FROM HERE — Friendships Shift
Friendships are funny things. Some begin when we’re young and somehow stretch across more than 50 years, thousands of miles and countless versions of ourselves. Others begin almost incidentally—through a mutual friend, a business relationship or even an online community—and quietly become something far more meaningful than we ever expected.
And then there are friendships that change, soften or simply become less present in our everyday lives.
The older I get, the more I understand that friendships shift. That doesn’t necessarily mean something went wrong. Sometimes life simply moved—and we moved with it.
One of my dearest friends lives in Lake Havasu. We have been friends for more than 50 years, and although many miles separate us, there are moments when she feels as close as the person sitting beside me.
After my recent surgery, I was finally released to begin putting weight on my leg again. Naturally, about three days later, I overdid it. Apparently, being told I can do something and exercising restraint while doing it are two entirely different skills!
By the end of the day, I was tired, hurting and not remotely interested in making dinner—which is saying quite a lot because I LOVE to cook.
Then my phone buzzed. “Check your front porch.”
There it was: a Spoonful of Comfort care package from my friend across the country. She hadn’t seen how tired I was. I hadn’t told her that cooking dinner felt like one task too many that evening. She just knew. As any good “sister” would.
That is one of the gifts of a friendship that has lasted for decades. You may not be involved in every detail of one another’s daily lives, but somewhere along the way, you learned each other’s hearts. Time and distance may change the rhythm of the friendship, but they don’t necessarily change its depth. Then there are the friendships we never saw coming.
One woman came into my life because she was a dear friend of my best friend. For years, I knew her largely through that relationship. Then, during the past 15 years, she also became my client. Somewhere along the way, the connection shifted.
She was no longer simply my best friend’s friend or a client I enjoyed working with. She became my friend—someone I trusted with many of my secrets, someone whose presence in my life I now treasure and someone I never expected to know in quite this way. What began as a friendship once removed became a beautiful relationship all its own.
And then there is the Rain.
When most of us first arrived on ActiveRain, we expected to learn more about real estate, improve our businesses and meet other professionals around the country. I’m 100% sure that we never expected to find genuine, lifelong friendships here—but, that is exactly what happened.
In 2014, Ray and I had just finished building our home and hadn’t even settled in yet. Nevertheless, 15 or so of some of my dearest friends—all friendships formed right here in the Rain—traveled to Charlotte for a meet-up that lasted a couple of days.
Think about that. Fifteen people who first came into my life through an online real estate community traveled to my city, show up at my doorstep and gathered in our brand-new home. By then, they were no longer merely names beneath blog posts, profile photographs on a screen or colleagues exchanging comments. They were dear friends. ActiveRain may have introduced us, but friendship is what made them come to Charlotte.
That gathering remains one of my favorite examples of how friendships can begin where we least expect them. A shared professional community became something personal, lasting and real. Over the years, we celebrated successes, supported one another through difficult times, shared plenty of laughter and became woven into one another’s lives.
Perhaps that is one of the loveliest surprises of getting older. We may assume that our closest friendships have already been formed, that the circle is more or less complete and that anyone new will remain somewhere near its edges.
But life occasionally introduces someone and says, “You’re going to need this person.” And sometimes, it is right.
Of course, not every friendship grows closer. Some become quieter. Some change because of marriage, children, careers, caregiving, illness, retirement or geography. Some belong beautifully to one chapter of our lives but don’t follow us into the next one in quite the same way.
That doesn’t mean those friendships weren’t real or important.
Perhaps we place too much pressure on friendships when we expect every one of them to remain exactly as they began. We change. Our circumstances change. The amount of time and energy we have to give changes. The friendships that surround us naturally change, too.
Some friends are woven through our entire story. Some arrive in the middle and become indispensable. Some step back but never entirely leave our hearts. Some begin as a photograph and a name in the comments section of a blog. And some appear on our front porch—metaphorically or quite literally—at exactly the moment we need them.
The view from here is that friendship isn’t always measured by proximity, frequency or how neatly someone fits into our lives. Sometimes it is measured by history. Sometimes by trust. Sometimes by the miles someone travels to celebrate with us. And sometimes by a perfectly timed act of kindness.
Friendships shift. And every now and then, when they do, they become something even more beautiful than we ever expected.
Comments(26)