The Secret Diary of a Cat....a little Friday Humor

Real Estate Agent with Keller Williams
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding on the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed (again).

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.

But I can wait; it is only a matter of time....


Comments (8)

Chris Dowd
Windermere Gig Harbor - Gig Harbor, WA

Sounds about right> :)

Jul 25, 2008 07:05 AM
Joel Weihe
Realty World Alliance - Wichita, KS
Helping you to use your VA home loan benefits

LOL. Love it! You do have to wonder what is going on in those cute furry little heads sometimes.

Jul 25, 2008 07:14 AM
Peter Nikic
Broad & Bailey Realty LLC - Valhalla, NY

Susan, very cute :-)

Jul 25, 2008 08:06 AM
Holly Lynch
Keller Williams Greenville Central - Travelers Rest, SC

Good stuff my girl. My kitten has become the Alpha cat of the house and it's hilarious to watch her beat up on the "former" diva of the household. I guess we're keeping her..she's such a cutie

Jul 25, 2008 10:49 AM
Mike Saunders
Lanier Partners - Athens, GA

Susan - ROFLMAO, this describes virtually every cat I have ever known

Jul 25, 2008 12:15 PM
Not Yet Licensed

LOL  Very funny.  That sounds about like our cat, when he was a kitten.  Friday Humor is good!  :)

Jul 25, 2008 12:59 PM
Hugh Krone
Weichert Referral Associates - Hamburg, NJ
Realtor, Sussex County NJ

Susan, Sounds like just about the reason I,'ve never had a cat. Very cute post

Jul 25, 2008 03:39 PM
Susan McQuaide
Keller Williams - Simpsonville, SC

Hugh, you don't know what you're missing! They are really very cool little creatures. I have 2 and they are very entertaining......when they are not planning my death....

Jul 25, 2008 10:02 PM