DIVING IN

I do not dive gracefully.  For some reason, my entrances are all somewhat awkward.  And as I slice through the water, it shocks me, as if the water is slicing me instead.  Always. 

 In that split second, my body recognizes that temperature change as not me (foreign) and worse (danger), it covers me perhaps to tether and suffocate me.  The split second of panic on contact (whoosh) stiffens my body and ruins the dive.  I must gasp quickly and fight to quell the panic that would rise up burning in my throat.

Then slowly I begin the repetitive motions that propel me forward.  I don't like to put my face in the water but I must.  It takes all of my concentration in those first few seconds to begin the swim, to shed the panic.  Each stroke warms the muscle and the next is a little faster, truer through the water, As the motions turn and repeat, I slowly carve the water and gradually I cool to the environment, more comfortable with each minute.

 My ability to control the fear comes from the knowledge that I can float.  I mean, float like nobody's business, really world class.  Of course it helps that I am a floater but that's not all it is.  Years of operatic training means I breathe down to my soul.  It is the power to completely relax, release all tension from my body, breathe hugely and start to rise to the surface.  Once there, I can stay there. Indefinitely, forever, each slow calm breath confirming my absolute conviction in my ability to float.  

 Such a contradiction.  So much shock on entry but once adapted, I can outlast them all. 

 Real life doesn't shock me.  Instead I seem to shock everyone around me.  Just for a minute until they adjust to the fierce cold water of my being.

 Now I have stepped off the edge and dived into real estate sales.  The motions to propel me forward are awkward, unnatural.  I write and email with fluidity but stiffen when I must pick up the phone and call.   It does not yet feel fast and true.  Once I get past the initial shock, I know that with a deep breath, I can begin my rise to the surface.  The Active Raindrops will feel good on my face.