What Happened To Loyalty Among Friends?

Real Estate Agent with Realty One Group

Today I was talking with a friend that I have had since grade school and found out that he and another mutual friend bought a house with another agent. I was at a loss for words when I found out this news.

I did not know whether to be angry or be hurt by this situation. I mean what happened? I thought for sure they would have used my services to buy a home. I have been offering them my services for the last two years I have been an agent. And I figured that being good friends with them would guarantee me their business. I had to ask them why they chose someone else.

When I began to probe I got them to tell me they had been looking for a while, and that they looked at over 20 homes with the other agent. Also, the agent had 15 years of experience. I guess that might be one reason they used another agent. Given this is barely my second year in Real Estate. Maybe they preferred a more experienced agent to help them with there purchase.

This only seemed to bother me even more. I began to think about all the training and support I receive in my company that I felt a little betrayed by my friends. For example, I went to school, took my tests and passed my national and state exams. From there I took all the classes my company offered and chose my office because my broker was the top producer of the company.

So, I may not be a 15 year veteran of the game but I know what I am doing and I am confident in my abilities as an agent. With the support of my office I could have easily handled their purchase with little to no problems.

Well I do see a silver lining to this gray cloud. And it is that if something goes wrong with this transaction (which in all honesty I hope goes well) it will be the other agent on the hook and not me. That agent will be held responsible, and he/she will have to deal with their unhappiness.

Personally I do not think they got a great deal. For what they paid for that home I could have gotten them into a brand new home. And I believe I could have done the same job or better than the other agent provided them.

Am I bitter? Mad? Sad? YES. Will I get over it? Thanks to AR I am now.

I would like to ask my fellow Active Rainers a few questions. Has this happened to any of you? If so, how did that make you feel? How did you handle the situation? Is this common? Should I get used to it? Am I overreacting?

Any input you have will be appreciated. I would like to hear other stories from other on AR.

Comments (11)

Bob & Carolin Benjamin
Benjamin Realty LLC - Gold Canyon, AZ
East Phoenix Arizona Homes

If you stay in the business more years it will undoubtedly happen to you many more times. There is no "sure thing" of getting business from friends. Just remember karma comes around. You do not need to be mad, angry or sad. Karma does come around. Hang in there.

Aug 17, 2008 06:26 PM
Christine Hart Howlett
Painesville and Eastern Lake County - Painesville, OH
Keller Williams Greater Cleveland NE

Ulises, unfortunately it probably has happened to all of us!  Quite honestly, even though I try to move on, I can't help but wonder what sort of friendship I had with this person to begin with.  It's not so much that I'm bitter; it's more that if they don't feel I'm good enough professionally, how do they really feel about me as a person, a friend. 

I sincerely hope you can move on and still remain friends.  This business does enlighten you, though, to people's real intentions and character.   A true lesson about human nature.

Aug 17, 2008 06:30 PM
Richard Dolbeare, R(B)
eXp Realty - Wailuku, HI
R(B), ABR, CRS...Hawaii Multi-Island Specialist

How do you feel about mixing friendship with business?  Some may be a little uncomfortable with it as a good friendship could be ruined.

Aug 17, 2008 06:41 PM
Pam Jank
Coldwell Banker Schneidmiller Realty - Coeur d'Alene, ID
Your Coeur d'Alene & North Idaho Real Estate Pro

Believe me... this may have been your 1st but it won't be your last.   Even"Seasoned" agents have had this happen.  Agents that are in the top 1-5% have had this happen.  Sometimes friends are afraid to do business with friends.  They have no problem asking you for your excellent advise whenever they need it, but when it comes to actually doing the deed.... they will sometimes opt for a stranger.   In their mind... it is better not to mix business with friendship.  They would rather deal with a stranger that does not have their "Best Interest" at heart.  A stranger that will not fight the "Hard Fight" for them.   Does it any make sense?  No... but they will still do it.  It's kind of like that saying "Bite your nose off to spite your face"  It doesn't make much sense either.

Chin up, It will all work out.


Aug 17, 2008 06:46 PM
Dale Terry
Yadkinville, NC

The public can be brutal. But we also have to look at ourselves before we make judgments about our friends. Our efforts at promoting our friends may be lacking, so a way to possibly change this or stop it from happening again is to look at your circle of friends and business acquaintances.  Do they run a business, are they self employed, and more importantly, do you use their business services or products.  Sometimes we forget.

Aug 17, 2008 11:06 PM
Victor Montalvo Bilingual Realtor Sí, hablo español
Exit Realty Associates - Austin, TX

I have learned from the past that mixing friendship and family with business can be very dangerous water. A lot of people do not like to discuss their finances with a close friend or family member because they do not want to criticize by you or might think of them. This is why, I do not work with family members and friends. I have learned this from my past. You have to take it as a lesson learned. You could ask them why, but you might find out the real reason (this might hurt more).

Good Luck and I'm sure there are many other people who can become you client. Those are the ones who will refer you the more deals and can build a good friendship with them, too.

Aug 18, 2008 02:45 AM
Ann Allen Hoover
RE/MAX Advantage South - Hoover, AL
CDPE SRES ASP e-PRO Realtor - Homes for Sale - AL

Hi Ulises!  I have definitely felt your pain, and it does hurt!  Especially starting out, when you need support from friends and family....but it can be a strain on the relationship if everything doesn't go as smoothly as everyone would like.  I have tried to focus on remembering that, and it helps!

Best wishes!  I am sure you will be very successful!

Ann Allen Birmingham Realtor

Aug 18, 2008 02:56 AM
Yolanda Hoversten
Self Employed - O'Fallon, IL
Referrals for O’Fallon, IL & the Metro East

Hello, Ulises!  I can honestly say that I feel your pain. This has happened to me more than once, and you'll get over it eventually.  This business requires you to acquire thick skin, otherwise you'd be in therapy for a long time.   LOL  I'm not in therapy yet, but you learn not to take it personally.  You see from the comments here that we've experienced the same, and this is not going to be the last one either.  Just keep your focus on doing a great job and people will notice.  Best to you!

Aug 18, 2008 03:13 AM
Ulises Romo
Realty One Group - Phoenix, AZ

Thanks to all of you for giving me perspective on my situation. I am glad you took the time to respond to my post. It has been very helpful for my sanity. LOL. Honestly, I feel a lot better now that I got that off of my chest. I guess I should prepare myself for the inevitability of losing another friend(s) or relative(s) business. Regardless of the reason I am glad it happened now so I know how to deal with it later. Thanks again folks.

Aug 18, 2008 12:45 PM
Bart Whitmore
Keller Williams- Louisville - Louisville, KY
Real Estate Agent

It has probaly happened to every one of us. It does hurt but you have to get over it. There could be any number of reasons from finicial to how long you have been in real estate. Maybe when they go to sell thier home in the future you will be able to help them. Good luck and hang in there---Bart

Aug 21, 2008 01:09 PM
Ulises Romo
Realty One Group - Phoenix, AZ

Bart: Thanks for the encouragement. Let me say that I am now officially over it. I was hurt and upset the first day, maybe even the second. But I feel better knowing that I am good at what I do for a living. I will hang in there. If there is a next time I will be prepared.

Aug 21, 2008 02:13 PM