A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

By
Real Estate Agent with Keller Williams Greenville Central
This is for all of out there who have started a work out regiment and felt like this. 
I only hope this makes you laugh half as hard as it made me.
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local 
health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 
43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified 
herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.


My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

    ________________________________

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m.  Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she  conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is
going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

 


__________________________________________

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.



_______________________________

WEDNESDAY:


The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to
steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it
would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap too.

_______________________________

THURSDAY:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny witch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
_________ _ _____________________

FRIDAY:

I hate Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little witch. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the stupid barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

 ________________________________

SATURDAY:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

 

 


________________________________

SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little brat) will choose a gift for me that is fun --
like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Comments (10)

Vickie Nagy
Coldwell Banker Residential Real Estate - Palm Springs, CA
Vickie Jean the Palm Springs Condo Queen

Okay, I got a cackle out of this post! I had seen this joke (or something very similar) a few years back...but ain't it the truth?

Aug 28, 2008 12:20 PM
Charles Buell
Charles Buell Inspections Inc. - Seattle, WA
Seattle Home Inspector

Crystal, while I don't believe this for a moment:)----it is funny as all get out and its getting flagged:)

Aug 28, 2008 12:36 PM
Chuck Carstensen
RE/MAX Results - Elk River, MN
Minnesota/Wisconsin Real Estate Expert

Thats good stuff. I love being "killed" by a trainer...best feeling.

Aug 28, 2008 12:40 PM
LS Rogers Realty
LS Rogers Realty - Richardson, TX

This is cute.  I've had a year like that. And I'm sure I will again.

Aug 28, 2008 12:40 PM
Justin Ukaoma
Vizion KC - Kansas City, MO
Kansas City Real Estate Investments

Very comical progression this is why I can't work with a personal trainer.

Aug 28, 2008 01:08 PM
A. J. Fischer
Keller Williams Ft Myers & The Islands - Fort Myers, FL
CDPE, CRS, ABR, GRI, ASP, CREA, SFR

Thanks for sharing, it was a hoot and many of us can relate, it is nice tolaugh about it.

Aug 28, 2008 01:55 PM
Tim Marose
Primary Residential Mortgage Inc. - Gaithersburg, MD
Maryland Buyer & Refinance Specialist

I read another email from it years ago, and laugh as hard now as I did then.   I think it means more now that I went back to a trainer at the beginning of this week and cannot get up from my chair right now without assistance.   I hate that sob as well:-)

Aug 28, 2008 02:47 PM
Thomas Hargreaves
TriStar Financial Services - Eugene, OR

That is pretty good.  I have heard it before, but it is much better with the pictures..   :-)

Aug 30, 2008 05:49 PM
Bill Kennedy
Keller Williams Realty - Greenville, SC
Homes For Sale Greenville SC

Sounds like my experiences with trainers.  Gotta love 'em... then you hate 'em.  I can't start the day without my Dr. Pepper anyway... so keep out of my path until 10am!

Aug 31, 2008 01:54 PM
Tracy Soussi
Charlotte, NC
NC & SC Broker - Large Bank Foreclosures

Great post, love the picture of the dog on the couch

Sep 01, 2008 08:55 AM

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