Real Estate Agent with Keller Williams Greenville Central
This is for all of out there who have started a work out regiment and felt like this. 
I only hope this makes you laugh half as hard as it made me.
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local 
health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 
43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified 
herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.



Started my day at 6:00 a.m.  Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she  conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is
going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!




I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.



The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to
steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it
would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap too.



Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny witch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
_________ _ _____________________


I hate Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little witch. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the stupid barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?



Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.





I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little brat) will choose a gift for me that is fun --
like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Comments (10)

Vickie Nagy
Coldwell Banker Residential Real Estate - Palm Springs, CA
Vickie Jean the Palm Springs Condo Queen

Okay, I got a cackle out of this post! I had seen this joke (or something very similar) a few years back...but ain't it the truth?

Aug 28, 2008 12:20 PM
Charles Buell
Charles Buell Inspections Inc. - Seattle, WA
Seattle Home Inspector

Crystal, while I don't believe this for a moment:)----it is funny as all get out and its getting flagged:)

Aug 28, 2008 12:36 PM
Chuck Carstensen
RE/MAX Results - Elk River, MN
Minnesota/Wisconsin Real Estate Expert

Thats good stuff. I love being "killed" by a trainer...best feeling.

Aug 28, 2008 12:40 PM
LS Rogers Realty
LS Rogers Realty - Richardson, TX

This is cute.  I've had a year like that. And I'm sure I will again.

Aug 28, 2008 12:40 PM
Justin Ukaoma
Vizion KC - Kansas City, MO
Kansas City Real Estate Investments

Very comical progression this is why I can't work with a personal trainer.

Aug 28, 2008 01:08 PM
A. J. Fischer
Keller Williams Ft Myers & The Islands - Fort Myers, FL

Thanks for sharing, it was a hoot and many of us can relate, it is nice tolaugh about it.

Aug 28, 2008 01:55 PM
Tim Marose
Primary Residential Mortgage Inc. - Gaithersburg, MD
Maryland Buyer & Refinance Specialist

I read another email from it years ago, and laugh as hard now as I did then.   I think it means more now that I went back to a trainer at the beginning of this week and cannot get up from my chair right now without assistance.   I hate that sob as well:-)

Aug 28, 2008 02:47 PM
Thomas Hargreaves
TriStar Financial Services - Eugene, OR

That is pretty good.  I have heard it before, but it is much better with the pictures..   :-)

Aug 30, 2008 05:49 PM
Bill Kennedy
Keller Williams Realty - Greenville, SC
Homes For Sale Greenville SC

Sounds like my experiences with trainers.  Gotta love 'em... then you hate 'em.  I can't start the day without my Dr. Pepper anyway... so keep out of my path until 10am!

Aug 31, 2008 01:54 PM
Tracy Soussi
Charlotte, NC
NC & SC Broker - Large Bank Foreclosures

Great post, love the picture of the dog on the couch

Sep 01, 2008 08:55 AM

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