Cards not in Hallmark

Real Estate Agent with Century21 City View
Cards You Will Never See In Hallmark

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."

2. "How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"

3. "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."

4. "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you."

5. "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?"

6. "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."

7. "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

8. "As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

9. "Thanks for being a part of my life!!!I never knew what evil was before this!"

10. "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

11. "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

12. "Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with boobs that are bigger than mine."

13. "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...Almost Lifelike!

14. "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

15."I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

16. "We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits."

17. "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."

18. "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"

19. "You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

20. "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday ---so we're having you put to sleep."

21. "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Arkansas)

Comments (21)

Gary J. Rocks
Juba Team Realty - Jefferson Township, NJ
Thanks because of you i just found out that A/R has a comedy Club
Apr 12, 2007 03:04 AM
Rich Schiffer
Swarthmore, PA
Referral Agent, e-PRO

Marcus, even busy Realtors need a good laugh now and then...some of them even more than others...

Yahaira, you should include this in the The Lounge at Active Rain group, as well.

Here's some to add to the list, that do have a Real Estate tie-in:

22.  "Congratulations on your new home.  Too bad you paid so much for this dump."

23.  "Thank You.  I appreciate you wasting my time at the open house last Sunday."

24.  "Thanks for your business.  But please don't refer your family to me, I had a hard enough time dealing with you."

25.  "Referrals are my lifeline.  If you ever get any friends, refer them to me.  I will talk some sense into them."

And one to pay tribute to current events:

26.  "Apologies didn't work for Imus, so why do you think you will get one from me?" 



Let me apologize now if any of the above statements offends anyone.  I dont want to loose any clients over a "comedy bit." 

Apr 12, 2007 03:27 AM
Nicolette Ceballos, Fountain Valley Now Serving all of California
Bilingual Escrow Officer - Fountain Valley, CA
These are absolutely great! LOL
Apr 12, 2007 03:59 AM
Colorado Springs Real Estate
Colorado Springs, CO

Those are really funny! I like number #2 and #16, very good.

Apr 12, 2007 04:07 AM
Yvonne Brown
Century 21 Northwest - Gilbert, AZ
Thanks for a much needed laugh this morning! Sometimes its nice to break a break and be a little silly :)
Apr 12, 2007 04:47 AM
Todd Clark
eXp Realty LLC - Tigard, OR
Principle Broker Oregon

We need our own line of Realtor Greeting Cards - That would be wonderful!


Apr 12, 2007 05:02 AM
Ashley Drake Gephart
Drake Intel Group - Albuquerque, NM

Very funny. # 8 was great! Rich love the RE card ideas I could send several of those a week particularly # 23.

Apr 12, 2007 05:34 AM
Dianne Barody
Century 21 AmeriSouth Realty - Pensacola, FL
Pensacola Florida Real Estate
Very funny...........we all need a laugh now and then
Apr 12, 2007 06:52 AM
Debbie Malone
Londeree's Real Estate & Property Management - Lynchburg, VA
From Lynchburg To The Lake (434) 546-0369

Thanks for the chuckle Yahaira! I loved Rich's additions especially 24. "Thanks for your business.  But please don't refer your family to me, I had a hard enough time dealing with you."

Can you imagine handing a difficult client a card printed with that???LOL! 


May 10, 2007 03:02 PM
Luisa , Orellana
Greater LA Escrow - Los Angeles, CA
Greater LA Escrow
LOL! Fantastic post! Thanks for sharing. And WE ALL need a laugh. That's what life is all about. Laughter keeps us healthy. Hope more Rainer's loosen up. We love AR because of Real Estate, but getting to know the rainer's on a more personal level is even better. Great Post! Keep up the good work! Wink, Wink ;) 
May 11, 2007 05:26 AM
Charles G. Hennebeul

This was great..comedy has always been my Umbrella on rainy days that we all have in our lives.

Charles G. Hennebeul


American Cash Solutions Inc.


Mar 25, 2008 02:57 PM
Rob Wesler
Harborview Financial Partners, LLC - Land O Lakes, FL
Thanks Yahaia, good giggle for sure. Someone above needs to lighten up....
Mar 25, 2008 03:27 PM
Kim Dean - McKinney, TX
Simply Texas Real Estate - Broker/Owner
I love #18! Thanks for the giggle!
Mar 27, 2008 04:04 PM
Kerry "Ski" Polakowski
Big Sky Properties of Montana - Kalispell, MT


Thank you for lightening up the day! As most of the respondents have mentioned, we all need some humor in our daily lives.

Oh, and I think you just might have caught Marcus on a bad day.

Have a great weekend!

Mar 28, 2008 05:34 AM
Steve Loynd
Alpine Lakes Real Estate Inc., - Lincoln, NH
800-926-5653, White Mountains NH
Love the uncle / Dad card that has red neck written all over it.
Mar 28, 2008 08:09 AM
Lindsey Hasford
Edina Realty - Elk River, MN
Bringing you home...
So funny. so funny. I do like the real estate add-ons! Seems like it'd be appropriate sometimes....
Mar 30, 2008 07:58 AM
Gary Woltal
Keller Williams Realty - Flower Mound, TX
Assoc. Broker Realtor SFR Dallas Ft. Worth
Yahaira, you are way too funny. You found a bunch of good ones.
Mar 30, 2008 08:07 AM
Elaine A. Cook
Connect - Bellingham, WA
Bellingham Real Estate
Those were great...if we just had the guts to actually send cards like that!!! 
Mar 30, 2008 08:21 AM
Kristal Reid
Coldwell Banker Bullard Realty - Zebulon, GA
Zebulon, GA
These are great!  Think I may have to use one or two of them :)
Mar 30, 2008 04:23 PM
Elizabeth Cooper-Golden
Huntsville Alabama Real Estate, (@ Homes Realty Group) - Huntsville, AL
Huntsville AL MLS
Yahaira, Those are so funny! Great list. Thanks for a much needed laugh today!  Elizabeth
Mar 31, 2008 04:57 AM