PET RULES-To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door, pet nose height.

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with RE/MAX 1st Olympic Lynchburg Va

Dear Dogs and Cats: ANOTHer beautfiul baby  ANOTHer beautfiul baby
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom.. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

Comments (58)

Morris Childs
PEP source - Spartanburg, SC

I really liked the one about you can sell their kids.

Apr 01, 2009 05:13 PM
Pat Whitehouse
RE/MAX 1st Olympic Lynchburg Va - Lynchburg, VA
Broker/Owner

Hi James amd Amy-Glad you like them. Sorry I missed your comment.

Jackie-Glad it made you smile. I have to do that for mine as well

Hi Morris-That is a goodie for sure.

Apr 06, 2009 03:16 PM
Ronelle Schroeder-Hill
Vacaville, CA

How can I teach my kitties to read this so they can learn the rule regarding "It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible" they sooo don't get that!

Apr 06, 2009 06:25 PM
Lisa Hill
Florida Property Experts - Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Beach Real Estate

This is the best blog I've read in a long time. I love it! I may have to use a few of the anecdotes with some people who are currently working my last nerve! I just turn around a look at my kitty sleeping peacefully on the couch behind me, and I feel much better, after dealing with mean, snarky comments from so-called friends. =^.^=

Jun 10, 2009 04:03 PM
Pat Whitehouse
RE/MAX 1st Olympic Lynchburg Va - Lynchburg, VA
Broker/Owner

Hi LisaThank you so much. I completely understand and I have people like that too. That is why I like animals better than most people :-) I like your kitty smile,te

Jun 11, 2009 08:25 PM
April Solomon
Keller Williams Professionals - Swannanoa, NC
Broker/Realtor/GRI

Your post is toooooo funny.  I especially like the Kiss me first then go smell the cat or dog's butt.  I am with you 100% I like my pets better than most people. 

Above is a picture of my cat Serobi she is a Savannah Cat.  She is 16 pounds of puddy cat that terrorizes my minature dachshund. 

 

 

Sep 02, 2009 11:38 AM
Aaron Vaughn, REALTOR© 830-358-0455
eXp Realty - Canyon Lake, TX
My knowledge is your power | eXp Realty

I am an official crazy cat person, according to most members of my family. Sure, we have 4 cats, 2 dogs, and about 10 fish.

Nov 10, 2009 12:32 PM
Gary Swanson
Century 21 Harris & Taylor - Grants Pass, OR

Hi Pat, what an incredible blog.  It left me and my wife laughing all afternoon.  I hope you post it again soon, more people need to see it!

Jan 31, 2010 07:22 AM
Gail Sterback
Coldwell Banker Select Professionals, Lancaster PA - Mountville, PA
LancasterRelocation Specialist

Pat - new to Actiive rain, but loving it more and more each day.  Thanks for a great blog, can't wait to share it with my husband when he gets home tonight.  Thanks

Mar 03, 2010 06:08 AM
Lisa Hill
Florida Property Experts - Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Beach Real Estate

LOL. You won't "continue" sleeping on the couch? HAHAHA! I would never "start" sleeping on the couch. I love my pets, but when I'm sleeping, I love it more =P

=^.^=

Mar 05, 2010 03:21 PM
Jerri McCombs, Broker/Owner
Dogwood Real Estate Services - Hendersonville, NC
Hendersonville NC Relocation

OMG you are so funny. This made my day!

Sep 19, 2010 03:41 AM
Gay E. Rosen
Julia B. Fee Sotheby's International Realty - Larchmont, NY
As Real as Real Estate Gets!

Dear Pat: Very funny...  adorable.... I  have no privacy and allow my cats into the bathroom at the same time.. It amuses me that we all have the same bathroom calling times... Best, Gay

Oct 17, 2010 10:56 AM
Michele Myers
Prudential Homesale Services Group - Harrisburg, PA
Harrisburg/Hershey Realtor

Wish pets could read this . . it's funny and on the mark.  Being a pet lover, it is difficult for me to work with the folks on the other side of the fence, the pet haters.  I have always been suspicious of people who do not like animals.

Jan 29, 2011 07:16 AM
Jerri McCombs, Broker/Owner
Dogwood Real Estate Services - Hendersonville, NC
Hendersonville NC Relocation

What a great post. I needed that laugh so thanks! I can elate with two cats and a lab! My queen is never big enough!

May 13, 2011 02:33 AM
Ann Allen Hoover
RE/MAX Advantage South - Hoover, AL
CDPE SRES ASP e-PRO Realtor - Homes for Sale - AL

If you want a comfy spot on our bed you've got to claim it before the cats do!

Jun 27, 2011 08:46 AM
Pat Whitehouse
RE/MAX 1st Olympic Lynchburg Va - Lynchburg, VA
Broker/Owner

Thank you everyone

Jul 04, 2011 03:53 PM
Lisa Friedman
Great American Dream Realty - Essex, VT
30 Years of Real Estate Experience!

Oh I absolutely just love this post! Pat, you are a terrific writer and full of humor!

Sep 27, 2013 11:02 AM
Pat Whitehouse
RE/MAX 1st Olympic Lynchburg Va - Lynchburg, VA
Broker/Owner

Thank you Lisa

Oct 15, 2013 01:32 AM
Linda Greco Rich, ABR, SRES
Exit Preferred Realty - Bel Air, MD
Harford County Specialist

So true. I sandwich myself between my dog and cat in a king size bed every night

Mar 23, 2014 12:56 PM
Emily Medvec
eXp Realty LLC - Santa Fe, NM
Realtor | Serving Santa Fe & Northern NM

Adding #12 to your cat and dog list - they love you unconditionally!

Nov 30, 2015 09:22 PM