Open Letter to the Red States

By
Real Estate Agent with Galleria International Realty

Note:  This is not a politically correct post.

 

My cousin in AZ forwarded this email to me earlier and I got a good laugh out of it.  I don't know if it's all factual so let me state that as a caveat upfront.  It's good for a laugh though.

 

 

Dear Red States:

If you manage to steal this election too, we've decided  we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country, and we're taking  the other Blue States with us. In case you  aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial  to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New  California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.  We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get  Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from  Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and Lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90%  of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all of our remaining living redwoods, sequoias and condors,all the Ivy League and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38% of  those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution  is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you  crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we so called lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace!  --Blue States

 

I was sold on the wines!

 

 

Comments (27)

Florida Management and Consulting Group Inc.
Florida Management and Consulting Group, Inc. - Coral Springs, FL
Real Estate Brokerage and Property Managers

Actually I think BOTH the red state AND the blue state people would be happy with this arrangement! Is it possible this is something we can all agree on???? Gasp!!!!

Nov 15, 2008 02:40 PM
Nogui Aramburo
Linda Craft & Team, REALTORS® - Raleigh, NC
Real Estate Professional in the Raleigh Area

The Northeast-Mideast now includes the new Blues States of NC and VA, and we can officially move the Mason Dixon line to South of the Border- Pedro anyone?

 

Nov 17, 2008 12:18 PM
Gene Wunderlich
1st Action Real Estate - Murrieta, CA
Realtor & Legislative Liaison

Here's hoping Harlan doesn't kick your butt off AR for re-posting an email that is not your original content. Harlan can be a bit of a biyotch at times. Watch out.

Secondly, as a Californian I would welcome you to take this place. You can have the beaches but you also have to take our surplus of liberal wackos running our legislature, You have to take our $24 Billion deficit, our dysfunctional governator, our envirnmentalists who shut off water to 80% of the state to save a non-native, non-endangered smelt, our egomaniac movie 'stars' who consider themselved political illuminati,our antiquated and underfunded transportation systems, our gas prices that are typically .20 - .40 higher than our neighboring states, our wildfires and earthquakes, our #1 ranking in sales tax and personal income tax - yeah this sure is an enlightened place out here. If the rest of the blues are half as good, you can have 'em all. Thanks. Fortunately or unfortunately, we'll get most of them back in 4 to 8 years.

Nov 17, 2008 06:08 PM
Cheri Smith
Prudential Gary Greene, Cypress TX - Cypress, TX
Realtor Prudential Gary Greene

I have to disagree with the "best beaches" part. The Pacific ocean is not all that great in my opinion. Having lived in Seattle and having taken a few trips to the coast while there I can say that the beaches in Washington were dirty, cold and miserable. Then I visited LA, SAn Diego, San Francisco and Palm Springs and I can say that those are all nasty too. California does have nice warm fires and earthquakes to rock you to sleep at night. Of course New York has rats the size of dogs to cozy up to. If they aren't willing then you always have the Haight Ashbury lovers who will cozy up to just about anyone of any sex if you can find one who isn't infected with some disease from their habits. Or course there are those lovely match box houses in the blue states that cost you 5 times what a very nice home costs in the south. But you get the views with that $500,000 match box.....riots, mayhem, mobs, garbage floating in the bays, gay pride parades stopping the already congested traffic etc. My personal fav is the graffitti all over LA and the gang members daring you to look at them. New york does have that one little patch of green. You can look out your apt. window and see the latest rape or mugging going on.

Yeah, hold me back. I kind of like your deal. Take em all. We don't need em. Besides, we have all the oil. You guys enjoy your fiy infested fruit, get drunk on your nasty wines while your homes burn to ashes or fall off in the latest mud slide and keep telling yourselves it's great. One day you may believe it.

Me....I'll take the south over the F888 you blue states. The people here are kinder. I'll have a margarita with my fajitas and use a few gallons of SOUTHERN gas on my boat on lake Travis while the UT boys and girls sing me a lullaby like no HARVARD snob would ever LOWER himself to do. I won't have to worry about earthquakes, fires, mudslides, blizzards or gangs. It's called peaceful living. We enjoy it and you should try it.

Nov 18, 2008 01:35 AM
Jason Sardi
Auto & Home & Life Insurance throughout North Carolina - Charlotte, NC
Your Agent for Life

I'm not sure if the intent of this post and the following comments was meant to be tongue in cheek or just another example of the divisive nature of our country.  I'll step out on a limb and guess at the latter.  Serenity now...

Nov 18, 2008 01:45 AM
Michelle Chamberlain
Above All Financial Services -Pennsylvania Mortgage Broker - Secane, PA
Suburban Philadelphia Mortgage Broker

Does this mean I have to relocate?

Nov 18, 2008 03:19 AM
x Bye Bye
x - Bay Minette, AL
Delete Account

Some people in your blue states may not like the idea, This is a county by county map of the 2008 election.

By county

But the post is an example of the Democrats elitist attitudes. 

Nov 18, 2008 04:41 AM
Cheri Smith
Prudential Gary Greene, Cypress TX - Cypress, TX
Realtor Prudential Gary Greene

Jason, tongue in cheek.

I happen to like visitng various parts of the country. There's more variety of beauty here than any other country that I have seen either in person or photos. I just wouldn't live in a lot of areas. Nice to visit, glad to get home.

I think the original is insulting so I gave it back tongue in cheek.

Nov 18, 2008 04:46 AM
Cheri Smith
Prudential Gary Greene, Cypress TX - Cypress, TX
Realtor Prudential Gary Greene

IF I didn't think Tchaka could take it after dishing it out...I'd have just rolled my eyes and moved on to the next blog.

Nov 18, 2008 04:50 AM
Tchaka Owen
Galleria International Realty - Hollywood, FL

Scott - I was saved by the election!  I get to remain here.  :-)

Mike - Moving to New Zealand might not be a bad idea, I hear it's gorgeous...though sheep outnumber humans 3:1.

Pam - You're already in good shape.  There's a reissling from back home that I miss............

Dave - Perhaps that could be the start of Obama's notion of reaching across the aisle.  LOL!!!

Nov 18, 2008 04:51 AM
Tchaka Owen
Galleria International Realty - Hollywood, FL

Nogui - LOLOLOL!!!  Good one.  I don't think most people not on the East Coast or Mid-Atlantic get that one.  I was just joking about that yesterday (moving it to the SC border) but I didn't use the South of the Border reference.  I like it.

Gene - Reposting is fine, particularly if you're not plagiarizing.  I made it clear it's an email forward and it's for laughs.  I assume even Harlan cracks a smile once in a while.  :-)

As for the rest, we only want wine and technology.  We'll take Napa, Sonoma and Silicon Valleys.  You get San Fernando.  LOL!

Cheri - You do make a good point.  Although the beaches aren't so bad, that cold water just doesn't work for me.  I had to wear a wetsuit in Hermosa - and it was June!  And you'd be surprised what a Harvard snob would do for a pretty woman.  Hehehe.

Jason - You stepped on the wrong limb - it's definately for fun here.

Michelle - You get to stay of course, but you have to attend monthly BPP meetings to get acclimatized to the New Blue PA.  ;-)  Ok, maybe that wasn't all that funny.

Nov 18, 2008 05:15 AM
Gene Wunderlich
1st Action Real Estate - Murrieta, CA
Realtor & Legislative Liaison

I don't know if Harlan ever cracks a smile - I know he cracks my a** once in awhile. BTW I loved that map up above. That means my area of California is OK, my area of Colorado is OK - I may have to get a visa for my area od Hawaii.

Nov 18, 2008 05:39 AM
Mike D
Henderson, NV

I think Brian's map even makes it better!  This just shows we get the best of the best.  We get San Francisco, Los Angeles and Las Vegas without Barstow and Winnemucca.  YES!!!

I can't tell by the map though...do we get Gilroy in California?  We need garlic.  If we don't have Gilroy...I'm sure we can find something to make a trade.  Maybe that one dot we have in the middle of Kentucky...Republicans like Kentucky.  

IT'S A JOKE!!!  Man....people get so up tight on these things.

Nov 18, 2008 05:42 AM
Jason Sardi
Auto & Home & Life Insurance throughout North Carolina - Charlotte, NC
Your Agent for Life

Tchaka - Thank Gosh, you never know with politics around here.  "Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms."  In that case, I'm going red.  You can't beat a combo of single moms and catholic schoolgirl outfits:)

Nov 18, 2008 06:01 AM
Tchaka Owen
Galleria International Realty - Hollywood, FL

At the risk of being bopped over the head by Jennifer, I announce you as having the best comment on AR this week, Jason!! 

Nov 18, 2008 06:09 AM
Cheri Smith
Prudential Gary Greene, Cypress TX - Cypress, TX
Realtor Prudential Gary Greene

Don't forget the margaritas that are popular here Jason.

Nov 18, 2008 06:11 AM
Stephanie Pitel
Smart Referral Network, LLC - Glendale, AZ

Would the blue states promise to leave the red states alone?  It seems that people leave blue states with oppressive tax rates, move to red states and then start electing people in their new homes that will raise taxes!!!  We're still red here in Arizona, but as more people move here, it seems at risk.  I love good wine and cheese - can we set up some trade agreements?

Nov 18, 2008 06:37 AM
Michelle Chamberlain
Above All Financial Services -Pennsylvania Mortgage Broker - Secane, PA
Suburban Philadelphia Mortgage Broker

Tchaka - I'll stay and attend the BPP meetings, as long as I get to wear this shirt, without getting beat up or arrested.

Women's V-Neck T-Shirt

Nov 18, 2008 08:22 AM
Richard Weeks
Dallas, TX
REALTOR®, Broker

You forgot to mention you get Ted Kennedy, so that trumps everything else.

Nov 18, 2008 08:28 PM
Dave Roberts
Healdsburg Sotheby's International Realty - Healdsburg, CA

Where the population isHave a look at a congressional representation map that actually shows where people live to compare to Brian's map. You can see that the big red states in the west vanish down to one square that represents their actual population size. The little red 1 above the map is for Alaska. The two blue squares beneath are for Hawaii.

Dec 30, 2009 11:08 AM