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Is It Difficult to Tell Others the Truth?

Real Estate Agent with Coldwell Banker

According to Mike Robbins, author of "Focus on the Good Stuff," it is important to tell others the truth.  Sometimes we think that appreciation is all about being "nice." It's really about recognizing the value of someone or something and about being able to empower ourselves and others. It is also about coming from a place of gratitude, respect, and truth in our relationships with the people around us. Giving people honest feedback can be one of the best ways to appreciate them and let them know we that we care about them.

Before you give someone honest feedback you must have a foundation of trust and appreciation in your relationship with them. It's also important to ask their permission and make sure it's okay with them before you launch into your feedback.

It takes real courage to speak your truth to another person. In addition, understand your intention.  If your intention is to make a difference for that person, "clear" something that might be in your way with them, or help them see something they may not be able to see - you're coming from a place that can empower and ultimately support that person. However, if your intention is to be superior, to show them how wrong they are and how right you are, or some version of either of these two things, then you are coming from your ego and your "truth" that will most likely push them away.

Regardless of how we go about this, in the end it's almost always better for us to speak up than not. We learn more about ourselves, get closer to the other person, as well as grow in the process.

When someone speaks a "hard truth" to you, you may have a tendency to push back and defend yourself initially. Try to hear the feedback and learn from it.  More importantly, appreciate the other person's willingness and courage to say something honest and potentially vulnerable to you.

Look at your relationships, especially the most important ones. Where are you not telling the truth, not giving feedback, or worried to say something honest? What would it take for you to be willing to tell them the truth? What are you afraid of? What would be possible in your relationship with them if you spoke up?  Speaking your truth to the most important people in your life is a great gift and will strengthen your relationships.  Remember to speak your truth with appreciation, honesty and kindness.

Comments (5)

Kathy Knight
Intracoastal Realty Corp - Wilmington, NC

It is difficult sometimes to tell the truth - especially when it hurts someone.

You are right however that it is a great justice to someone to tell the truth in a kind way if it is something they might not want to hear.  I have done it in the past and although difficult - it is worthwhile. Thanks.

Nov 30, 2008 12:36 PM
John Walters
Frank Rubi Real Estate - Slidell, LA
Licensed in Louisiana

I never lie to my clients.  I have lost business being honest.  I give it to them up front like it or not.

Nov 30, 2008 12:53 PM
Valerie Springer
Benchmark Mortgage nmls 2143 - Birmingham, AL
Home Loan Officer AL, FHA, VA, Conventional and Re

Honesty is the best policy.  Wishing you much success in your business.

Nov 30, 2008 01:16 PM
Goodbye Active Rain
Out of Real Estate


Great post.  Everyone wants to speak up but rarely do because they fear they will lose a relationship.  However, this should make both people stronger by getting it out in the open and discussing it.

Thank you!

Nov 30, 2008 01:27 PM
Mary Douglas
United Country Ponderosa Realty, Red Feather Lakes, Colorado - Red Feather Lakes, CO
REALTOR, Red Feather Lakes, Colorado

Hi Jane,  Thank you for the great post. I totally agree with you, like Tony, I think many people don't speak up because they fear they will lose a relationship. But I think true relationships are only made when both parties are always honest and upfront with one another. Those are golden.

Nov 30, 2008 01:55 PM