Father Hines was 
the closest human manifestation to Santa Clause I ever saw. He had a wonderful white beard, rotund belly and a smile that made you glad to be in his presence. The resemblance was very important to me since when I first started my long spiritual journey our group of seekers were advised if you had no real god concept you could think of your higher power as a tree, or even the group as a whole....I chose my version of the most lovable image I had ever been exposed to ....Santa Clause. So when I went on my first silent retreat at the Cenacle in New Orleans I was dumbfounded when I realized Santa would be in charge.
The retreat consisted of a series of lectures, prayer, and guided visualizations. The exercise that I will never forget was one in which you are asked to imagine yourself a seed in the sack of a Farmer who is planting his field. The farmer cultivates the land, nourishes the soil and then lovingly plants you in the ground. He continues to take care of you weeding as you begin to sprout, making sure there is water enough to allow you to grow to your full potential. Still I do not know what plant I will be.
I begin to embrace the image fully and had the strongest desire imaginable that I would turn out to be a hot house orchid. So lovely, so 
rare and truly precious to all who see my gorgeous blooms. Totally wrapped up into the vision I feel myself growing .....I know I am about to mature and understand now is the time when I finally know what I am to be.
I am astounded when I peered down and see that I am most definitely not an orchid ..... .
I am not rare at all I am a luscious green stalk of corn. The picture of health, green, vibrant and swaying in the gentle breeze in the field of my mind is a stalk of corn.
Was I never to be the woman I wanted to be?
Was this my heart speaking directly to me or was it God?
I have never really reconciled that to my complete satisfaction but the message was loud and clear. Who I am and who I want to be might not always be the same.
Yes, there will always be a bit of the orchid girl in me...I will never escape wanting that ....but I also know there is that strong, down to earth inner core that will guide me and nourish others.....
and when I think of it know that I am just as down to earth as a stalk of corn......
but oh how I love orchids!
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