Introvert Tip #2 - Always Offer Your Hand First

Education & Training with Sell with Soul

Any extrovert reading this is gonna go "HUH? Well, DUH" (extroverts can be so well-spoken - said with a smile).

However, I bet some of you Ntros are going to relate.

Have you ever been introduced to someone... who didn't offer their hand in greeting... and you didn't offer yours... and the relationship went downhill from there?

It happens to me all the time and I hate it. Maybe I just wasn't versed in the social graces as a child, but I really think that it's due to my Ntro personality. I almost always wait for the other person to initiate a handshake and usually they do.

Great! Onward!

But... sometimes, the other person is also an Ntro and waits for ME to get the social ball rolling. And when I don't, oooooh... it's painful. Awkward. Uncomfortable. And it doesn't get any better with time.

So, the obvious simple solution is to remind yourself to always extend your hand in greeting until it becomes a habit.

Great! Onward!


copyright Jennifer Allan 2007

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Jane & Jeff Daley, PhD
Luxury Valley Homes Scottsdale - Scottsdale, AZ
Scottsdale Real Estate Arizona

Never even thought of it that way Jennefer.  Coming from the coporate world, social style training was a mandatory class for all executives.  It's called a lot of different names but in essence you identify the other person social style and then emulate that syle to a degree to have the most positive understanding and communication experience.

My style proved to be a driver - expressive personality so extending a hand is the most natural thing in the world to me.  Perhaps that's why I never saw this as you have through your eyes. An interesting perspective.

Jeff Daley


May 04, 2007 02:37 AM #1
Jamie Carlson~Prince Albert, SK Real Estate
Century 21 Conexus Realty Ltd. - Prince Albert, SK
I have had this happen to me so many times.  I'm learning (SLLLOOOOWLLY!) that in a lot of situations, people will not offer their hand.  It is up to me.  I still feel awkward doing this sometimes, but, as with anything, as you practice, it gets easier.  Thanks for pointing out how this one tiny thing can create an uncomfortable relationship.
May 04, 2007 02:56 AM #2
Dianne Barody
Century 21 AmeriSouth Realty - Pensacola, FL
Pensacola Florida Real Estate
You are so right Jennifer, sometimes I forget.
May 04, 2007 02:58 AM #3
Yvonne Brown
Century 21 Northwest - Gilbert, AZ
Thanks for the reminder. I like to pretend that I'm not an introvert, but I think really I am just a great actress!
May 04, 2007 03:09 AM #4
Richard Parr
ADT Security Services - Slidell, LA
Home Security Specialist - Greater New Orleans, Louisiana

This is from one of your well-spoken Xtros....HUH? Well, DUH! 

I know that you are laughing.

May 04, 2007 03:15 AM #5
Jennifer Allan-Hagedorn
Sell with Soul - Pensacola Beach, FL
Author of Sell with Soul
Richard - I usually offend at least one person with my blogs - glad it wasn't you this time!! Thanks for making ME smile too.
May 04, 2007 03:41 AM #6
Richard Parr
ADT Security Services - Slidell, LA
Home Security Specialist - Greater New Orleans, Louisiana
I don't offend easily.  I like to be the Devil's Advocate and tend to irritate some people with my posts and comments too.  Glad that I was able make you a smile.  Enjoy.
May 04, 2007 04:14 AM #7
R. B. "Bob" Mitchell - Loan Officer Raleigh/Durham
Bank of England (NMLS#418481) - Raleigh, NC
Bob Mitchell (NMLS#1046286)

Anthropologists believe that shaking hands came from the practice of early humans extending their hands to show that they were carrying a weapon.  Kind of a, "Hey, I'm not going to hurt you" sort of thing.  This evolved into a means of greeting one another and showing respect.  

Neither of these things is a bad thing to do be you an ntro or an xtro.

Hand shake


Bob Mitchell


May 04, 2007 05:22 AM #8
Anne-Marie Castillo
Keller Williams Realty - Greensboro, NC

My father taught us to always extend a hand AND make sure it was not a weak, flimsy shake.  He does this with even the smallest children.  :-)

Good reminder, but also beware that there are some cultures that do not shake hands.

May 04, 2007 10:08 AM #9
Beth Bastian
Rosemont Financial Inc - Simi Valley, CA
Simi Valley Real Estate
I have never thought of that, I will make a point to offer my hand first.
May 06, 2007 11:50 AM #10
Jeff Henard
Prudential Georgia Realty - Woodstock, GA

Being raised as a southern gentleman I was tought only to shake a lady's hand if she offers hers first. Oh boy! Now if I meet a lady and she's a Ntro, oh dear, I'm sooo confused! I guess I will have to remeber this is the year 2007.

Ok ladies if I offend you by offering my hand first, sorry! :)

May 07, 2007 04:12 AM #11
Karen Rice
Davis R. Chant, REALTORS - Hawley, PA
Northeast PA & Lake Wallenpaupack Home Sales

I hate, hate, hate flimsy, weak handshakes!  they actually creep me out!


May 08, 2007 01:10 AM #12
David A. Podgursky PA
THE PODGURSKY GROUP @ Re/Max Direct - Boynton Beach, FL
THE PODGURSKY GROUP - Make the Right Move!

handshaking is a science

I agree - first is best

but do it right as well...

Ladies - a handshake is not a palm down squeeze my fingers type thing.  That's considered standoffish in business etiquette..

Ntros... if you get offered a handshake by anyone palm down, that is a dominant action so step 1/8 step to your right and the hand will need to shift sideways to reach you where you can grab a level handshake (vertical!)

Ntros can get dominated easily for not knowing how to counter!

May 11, 2007 02:13 AM #13
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