Dear Mr. or Mrs. Scammer
I'm sure I owe you some apologies:
- I'm sorry for replying that I am happy to engage in a bizarre business deal with you knowing full well it isn’t real.
- I'm sorry you had to print a horrible fake check.
- I'm sorry you paid $4.90 UPS’ing it to me overnight.
- I'm sorry for taking a few days to get back to you after I got the check just to ask you for your phone number which you can’t give me. I knew that and still I emailed you for the phone number.
- I'm sorry that I lied to you and said I couldn't find a western union office near me, making you look them up, emailing me a list and me telling you those two liquor stores are closed.
- I'm sorry that I lied to you about getting pissed-off at the western union office because they wanted $1.75 to cut a check and that I said that’s robbery and left in a huff. I actually never went there in the first place. Sorry for wasting your time that day.
- I'm sorry I lied the following day after you threatened to call the FBI and local police on me because I cashed your check and would not pay you. I knew you wouldn't, but I wrote you an email begging you not to call the police and that I would pay you tomorrow after I cashed the check.
- I’m sorry that I lied the next day and said the western union office girl was rude to me so I left in anger, again delaying your money by another day.
- I'm sorry I lied about sending the money to western union in your name vs the shipper so you could not pick it up. I realize this cost you a day or so.
- I am really sorry that I lied and said that the money order was at your western union, but off by 1 zip code making you drive 30 minutes to find out I am a liar.
- Your last email to me seemed justified. Obviously from the language you used, you were pissed. The fact that as you "YELLED” your grasp of the English language seemed to fade away like my Mom’s when she is livid showed me what a bad person I am. Truly bad. Mea Culpa.
- Your phone call from Africa? was upsetting because as you were trying to explain to me how to go down to western union and pay the $1.75 and you would pick up the fee, I realized how frustrated you were getting. I also lied about being hard of hearing and asking you to repeat yourself, over and over. Sorry.
All in all, I'm sorry for sucking up your bandwidth. I realize that my actions probably sucked up 6-10 hours of your time and kept you from fleecing some truly gullible person in America.
Please forgive me. Go ahead and send me another forged check and I will send you my cash to your shipper. Please try me again. Even though I lied you to about 15 times I won’t do it again. You can trust me this time.
Your friendly computer person.
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