Yesterday I received a call from my son and he was very upset. He had just learned that a girl he had dated in HS had been killed over a year ago. She died from a bullet between the eyes.
You may ask, who would do that? Was it a robbery? No. Or just a freak accident? No. It was her husband.
It turns out that she was in an abusive marriage. The odd part of it is that she had contacted my son about a week before she was murdered.
My son had kept in touch with her from time to time after graduating HS. After finding out about the abusive marriage, my son strongly suggested she get out of there and even offered her a place to stay at his home. Unfortunately, she did not heed his suggestion and now it is too late.
The reason he found out about her death a year later was because he had not heard from her in a long time and decided to contact her to see if she was OK. In doing research, he found her obituary. Looking into it even further, he found a blog from her mother asking for any information about her daughter and her relationship with her husband. Fortunately, my son kept the e-mails from her and contacted the mother.
My son offered her help because he knew about spousal abuse first hand and saw what it did. It was between my ex and me. Fortunately, I had the strength to leave, but not until my son and daughter were in college. I endured it for many years.
After leaving my marriage, I noticed that many others (women in particular) are in abusive relationships and are refusing to leave for one reason or another. I know exactly how they feel. I went that route myself. I stayed in my relationship for 28 years before I had the strength to leave and say enough. Part of it was because of fear. I didn't know what my husband would do if I left and didn't want to take a chance of him getting custody of my children. (He was a smooth talker.) Another part of it was my concern over what would he do to my animals. (I had my farm at that time with horses, cats and dogs.)
Fortunately, my out over the years was my horses and my children. Since I partook in many of their activities, I was not at home as much. I dreaded the moments I had to be home, especially if the children were not there. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoyed what I did and loved doing things with my children. The best things that came out of this marriage were my children and the strength that I needed to endure life's challenges. I am just sorry my children had to live through all of this hearing everything from their rooms. I am thankful that I had true friends that I was able to turn to in my hour of need.
So, why am I writing about this? Because abuse affects not only those that are in the relationship, but also those close to you, including your children. If you are in such a relationship, I urge you to leave before it is too late. You may not be so lucky and end up as my son's old girlfriend did.
I personally will never have anyone control my life anymore. We are all human and deserve respect and to be treated equally. Like my son, I, too, am willing to help anyone.
I thank God daily for protecting me over the years.
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