Over time, we learn to put up with all sorts of stuff - unmet needs, frustrations, crossed boundaries, chaotic situations, problems, other people's behavior, even our own behavior such as procrastination, unfinished business or projects, and lack of self-care.
There are many reasons for this. We tolerate stuff because we are not aware of how much it bothers us, we fear confrontation, or we don't know how to stand up for ourselves. Sometimes, it's just fear. In the process of moving toward our goal, when we get too close, we get scared - scared of change, of success, of what other people think of our success, whatever. The fear causes us put up roadblocks in order to slow us down. 
There is a cost to living with tolerations. They zap your energy, increase stress and anxiety, and produce anger or resentment. They keep people distant, decrease productivity and motivation, and keep you from achieving the success you desire.
There is also something you gain. Why tolerate something if it does not add value to you or your life? Because somewhere in your thoughts, you perceive there IS value or else you would make a different choice. For example, by not speaking up and confronting the bad behavior of another, there is something you gain; perhaps it's keeping the peace, being liked, avoiding conflict, or not rocking the boat. Whatever 
it is, subconsciously, you believe that saying nothing is better than confronting it.
The key is to become more conscious of what you are tolerating and why so you can consciously make better choices. Here are seven coaching tips to eliminate tolerations and become more effective and productive:
- Make a list of 50 things you are tolerating or putting up with. You have at least that many. Consider anything that is substandard and not bringing you joy. Consider your office, business, relationships, family, home, car, equipment, finances, income level, body, health, fitness, lifestyle, problems, frustrations, feelings, emotional reactions, any anger, old hurts/pain from the past, personal integrity, and stress. Don't stop at fifty if you find yourself writing more. And yes, you must write them down. There is something quite cathartic about writing the list rather than just thinking about them in your head.
- Study the list and identify the long term benefits of having each of these tolerations. What do you gain?
- Study the list and identify the costs for each toleration. What is it costing you?
- Decide if you want to eliminate the tolerations. Yes, you can choose to continue to live with them. You must perceive that the value of change is greater than the value of keeping the status quo. You are committed to something - either it is your pain or your future. Whatever you decide however, being at choice is critical for accepting responsibility for the quality of your life.
- Pick a toleration and eliminate it completely. That means not just getting rid of it, but getting to the source of it and making sure it doesn't happen again.
- Let people know what you are doing. Communicate your changes to others so they understand why something they do is no longer acceptable. It is okay to stop putting up with something even though the behavior was okay yesterday and all the days past. Just let people know about it; don't assume they are mind readers.
- Put systems in place and create new environments to support these changes. As you sensitize yourself to things that disturb and bother you, correct or address them right away so you no longer build a huge list of tolerations. As you clean house, keep your space clear and you will start to have amazing new experiences.
Tolerate less and you will achieve more.
Til next time, think good thoughts.
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie
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