As I write this, the anger is leaching out, and the sadness is seeping in.
I know now (from asking) that our child has been scared to stay overnight at Dad's house because he is worried he will wet the bed - and be punished! I can only imagine the countless times our 4-year old must have woken up and been afraid that maybe he would be in trouble because he slept through his bodily urges! Thank Heaven they only stay one night per week!
My spouse and I have been separated for over 2 years. In that time our amazing and wonderful children (7 and 4) have had to deal with the issues. They have gone from spending quite a bit of time with their father, to only spending one overnight stay per week. The more time that separates us, the more he is able to separate from us.
Recently our 4-year old son started to refuse to spend the night at Dad's. He loves going for a "visit" but not an overnight stay. Granted, he is definitely a "Mamma's" boy, and I thought that he was just going through a phase, and then I found out the problem:
One evening the kids came back to our house because they forgot to take their favorite stuffed animals to spend the night at Daddy's. As it was late they were already in their P.J.'s. I hugged both of them and helped them find their favs for this trip, and said to my 4-year old son - "hey, don't forget to put on your pull-up before you go to bed!"
Both kids looked at me and said basically the same thing - "he doesn't get to wear a pull-up at Daddy's house." According to my 7-year old daughter (who does love to tattle, thank Heaven!) Dad has decided that he no longer needs a pull-up and he won't be wearing them at his house! Additionally, they have both been informed that if he does have an "accident" he will be punished!!!!!
All the pieces clicked, and I suddenly knew exactly why he did not want to spend the night with his Dad anymore. I was sick at heart and hugged my little guy tight and asked him if he wanted a pull-up - he said YES! I told him, lets just put your pull-up on right now, and then you can go out to Dad's truck. He smiled and agreed. I fixed him up and sent them both on their way. I learned that he did sleep with his pull-up on, and he told me he slept "real good."
When they came home the next day, I spoke with both of them and told them that a pull-up would go to Dad's each time they spent the night. And then we had a discussion about "letting Mom know about problems at Dad's."
Last night I again sent them off to stay with their Dad, pull-up provided; today I wait . . .
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