Driving through Southeast Portland today I noticed the camelias are looking gorgeous.
I saw bright red, white and pink blooms glowing in pale light. Their deep green leaves have been thoroughly cleaned by wind and rain, the storm that blew through last night. I felt a pang, and realized I missed my red camelia. The one that stood by the back door for the five years I've lived in my house.
It's gone because I tore it out last summer. Camelias are messy. They fade and drop brown blooms, get wet, turn black and mucky over time. I kept tracking fragments into the house, so I cut it back and asked the yard guy to pull out the roots. I laid some Pritchard rock and the little area looks really nice.
But today I found myself thinking, the camelias are so pretty - maybe I should have kept mine.
Do you ever do that? Have second thoughts about a decision you've made?
I'm reminded of the purges I periodically carry out in my closet. I get rid a a few things I'm not wearing any more and give a batch of clothing to the Goodwill, or a shelter. And almost the next day I find my self looking for a certain black jacket. I haven't worn it in a year, but all of a sudden I want it to wear with my jeans, now, today! And I think, maybe I should have kept that black jacket!
Or the pruning I've done on my mailing list. Someone I thought belonged in the A category, and at some point I'm purging my list - checking in via phone calls and I don't reach them. I leave a message. I put them on my call back list, or the pop-by and chat list. And for what ever reason I never connect in person. They don't check back with me and I say to myself - well they were sort of marginal and I guess it's time to drop them to a B list, or maybe off the list entirely. So I do that.
And a few months later I run into them, we chat and they tell me they have just moved. Or maybe I get an email, 'We've Moved, here's our new address!" And I think, maybe I should have kept them on my mailing list.
I do. Have second thoughts that is. But I also have third thoughts.
My third thoughts go like this:
The crimson camelias are lovely, but they are messy. I love my new mini-patio. It was the right decision.
I missed the black jacket, just for a moment. I hadn't worn it in a year, and I know that even if it had been in the closet - I would have passed it by. I had done that for at least a year. It was the right decision.
And as for the mailing list purge? Now that is something to ponder! I did know them, but didn't have a deep relationship. I hadn't maintained the kind of contact that creates a deeper connection. It was an acquaintanceship that didn't mature. There are people with whom I do estabish solid relationships. Why not with them? For what ever series of reasons after I met them, I hadn't continued to express interest in them, their lives and concerns.
Should I have kept them on my mailing list? Only if I was going to create a relationship. The reasons why I didn't? There are always reasons, and may have beens and might have dones. They don't matter. What does matter is my knowing that the connection wasn't established. It was the right decision - for them.
Black jacket clip art from PDClipArt.org and used with permission. Ancient Alphabet List from Karen's Whimsey and used with permisison.
Comments(12)