THE DOG FOOD DIET
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena the
wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an
elephant? So since I'm retired, with little to do, on impulse, I told her
that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet
Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last
time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care
ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally
complete so I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story.)
Horrified , she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
Setter's butt and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was
laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!