If you've spent any time online lately, you're familiar with so-called "listicles" — those irresistible lists of trivial facts that pass for "online content" these days. You know what we mean: "13 Cute Cat Videos to Watch Now," or "27 Hot Celebrities Who Overcame Teenage Acne," or even "5 Redesigned Acme Products That'll Help Wile E. Coyote Murder Roadrunner." Listicles may sound like something new, but they've actually been around since Moses came down from Mt. Sinai. And who are we to buck such a popular trend? So here, for your reading pleasure, are "Eight Quotes About Taxes to Put A Smile on Your Face":
"If the Lord had meant us to pay income taxes, he’d have made us smart enough to prepare the return."
"I have no idea what was in my federal tax return. Like 93 percent of all U.S. taxpayers, I just sign it and send it in. For all I know, it states that I am a professional squid wrangler."
"The Opera reminds me of my tax audit. It was in a language I didn’t understand. And it ended in tragedy."
Chris Cassatt and Gary Brookins (‘‘Jeff MacNelly’s Shoe’’)
"Most voters would rather have their purse or wallet stolen than be audited by the IRS."
"Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form."
Laurence J. Peter (the "Peter Principle")
"Like many Americans, I face a patriotic dilemma: how much cheating can I get away with? It's important to pay your taxes but it's just as important to pay as little tax as possible. Think of it as putting government on a diet."
"Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution."
"Government can’t deliver a free lunch to the country as a whole. It can, however, determine who pays for lunch."
Look, we realize any one of David Letterman's "Top Ten" lists is probably funnier than a collection of tax quotes. But can David Letterman give you a plan for paying less tax? We didn't think so!
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