humor: 41 REally Weird Money Facts That Just Might Blow your Mind
- 05/24/10 08:54 PM
Do you think you know a lot about money? Maybe you do. Maybe you don't. But let's see if any of the following facts are in any way surprising to you: 1. More of our fantasies are about money... than sex. 2. If we could have any luxury in the world (and money didn't matter) more of us would choose to spend money on a butler and a maid than anything else. 3. 90% of Americans who own pets buy them Christmas gifts. 4. Money is the leading cause of disagreements in marriages. 5. 65% of Americans would live on a … (5 comments)
humor: Intalling a Husband, Humor for the Ladies
- 06/03/09 03:18 PM
INSTALLING A HUSBAND Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1 . Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. … (3 comments)
humor: The Amish Elevator
- 04/14/09 02:35 AM
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this, Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a 'large' old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a … (6 comments)
humor: Psychopath Test - Not a Trick Question
- 04/05/09 08:31 AM
Psychopath Test Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads. No one I know has gotten it right. A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a man who she did not know. She thought he was 'amazing'. She believed him to be her dream partner so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister. Question: … (6 comments)
humor: The absolute best Little Johnnie joke
- 04/05/09 07:57 AM
The absolute best Little Johnnie joke Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad … (2 comments)
humor: The Nun and the Preist go Golfing
- 04/05/09 07:41 AM
THE NUN & PRIEST GO GOLFING A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "Shit, I missed." The good Sister told him to watch his language. On his next swing, he missed again. "Shit, I missed." "Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly. The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual … (5 comments)
humor: Just in case you need a laugh
- 09/04/08 08:43 AM
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a … (3 comments)
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.
When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!"
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder. "You Sign! You sign!"
Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.
The next day he … (7 comments)
humor: Why did the chicken cross the road?
- 08/19/08 05:36 PM
This is good for a laugh, no matter what side of the road you are on! Why did the chicken cross the road? BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change! JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road. HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from … (9 comments)
humor: How to Save the Airlines
- 06/17/08 02:54 AM
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane … (3 comments)
humor: ON THE FIRST DAY
- 06/12/08 09:45 AM
ON THE FIRST DAYOn the first day, God created the dog and said:'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes inor walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only tenyears and I'll give you back the other ten?'So God agreed.On the second day, God created the monkey and said:'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll giveyou a twenty-year life span.'The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twentyyears?That's a pretty long time to perform. … (0 comments)
humor: Forms of Marketing
- 06/11/08 05:07 AM
MarketingTwo women are talking; one asks the other for a definition of 'Marketing.' Her answer: You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, 'I'm fantastic in bed.' That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, 'She's fantastic in bed.' That's Advertising. You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, 'Hi, I'm … (0 comments)
humor: Dictionary of Performance Evaluation
- 05/06/08 07:32 AM
Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.Active socially: Drinks heavily.Alert to company developments: An office gossip.Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.Average: Not too bright.Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.Consults with supervisor often: Pain in the ass.Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.Deserves promotion: Create new title to make him feel appreciated.Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to … (0 comments)
humor: Just what a mothers wants
- 05/06/08 07:26 AM
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute … (2 comments)
humor: Doctors Advice
- 04/02/08 03:13 AM
I have spent a lot of time thinking about this subject lately, and have some advice for those of you who may still be in search of an answer. Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.. don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut … (1 comments)
humor: Realtionship Humor Joke
- 03/21/08 12:07 PM
GENDER ITEMSZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons … (5 comments)
humor: Humor for the ladies
- 03/21/08 11:59 AM
The MR. RIGHT Rejection LetterDear [____rejectee's name here_____],I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:[Check all those that apply]___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.___ Your last name is objectionable. … (2 comments)
humor: Have a nice weekend
- 03/21/08 11:48 AM
A new sales assistant was hired at a large department store. On his first day, the sales manager took him around to show him the ropes. They were passing by the gardening section, when they heard a customer asking for grass seed. The sales manager stepped in.Sales manager: Excuse me, but will you be needing a hose to water your lawn?Customer : I guess so. I'll take one.Sales manager: And how about some fertilizer and weed-killer?Customer : Um, okay. Sales manager: Here's a couple of bags. You'll also need a lawn mower to cut the grass when it starts growing too … (5 comments)
humor: Some more Real Estate Humor
- 03/21/08 11:30 AM
Ask for a raise "I have to have a raise in my commission," the agent said to his manager. "There are three other companies after me." "Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?""The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company." Commission CheckAn agent who was being paid by the week approached his office manager and held up his last paycheck.'This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,' he said. 'I know,' the manager said. 'But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained.' 'Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake,' … (6 comments)
Do you think you know a lot about money? Maybe you do. Maybe you don't. But let's see if any of the following facts are in any way surprising to you:
;)
;)
