Bank of America Exec Starves to Death at REALTOR(R) Banquet

By
Real Estate Agent

Ralph Banner

Melbourne, FL Morton Massengill, Bank of America’s Chief of Loss Mitigation Relations, was rushed to Melbourne Memorial Hospital today after collapsing at a local Board of REALTORS(R) Installation Banquet.

Massengill, invited to the affair by outgoing President, Zola Klepp, spoke to attendees at length about Bank of America’s new EQUATOR (formerly Reotrans) short sale processing system. Attendees were skeptical, but hopeful that the new system would help to eliminate approval delays that have plagued the real estate industry for over 3 years. 

Table decorations were miniature beach cottages surrounded by fragrant frangipani blooms.

The bank executive apparently collapsed during a heated ‘round table’ discussion following meal service and officer installation.

Ms. Klepp explained that catering staff started serving meals to attendees long before Massingill was finished speaking, rather than waiting untill the keynote speaker was seated, as instructed. She went on to say “he apparently never got his meal.” Klepp assured reporters that the catering company would be stricken from the board's list of approved vendors.

The President of the catering company, Chef LeGay, denies any responsibility in the matter and told reporters “I find it unthinkable that anyone could starve to death in the midst of 250 pounds of filet mignon, hundreds of lobster tails, buckets of Ceasar salad and enough creme brulee to feed an army!” He went on to say “honey, something is fishy around here and it isn’t my lobster tails.”

Witnesses at the affair claim Mr. Massengill repeatedly asked about his meal after being seated, but seemed to get the “run around” in spite of advising wait staff he was “starving to death” and hadn’t eaten since 6:00 am.  Instead of food, he was reportedly served with a number of probing questions.

  • “Are you sure you sent your order to the right department?”
  • “Did you remember to click “initiate” meal after entering your table number?”
  • “Did you order the steak or the lobster?”
  • “Do you remember the name of your waitress?”
  • “Did you call 866-677-2516 to register your meal order?”
  • “Did you include all of your contact info?”
  • “Did you remember to initiate “other” in case a menu item was no longer available?”
  • “Was your 3rd party authorization menu form filled out properly?”
  • “Were you aware that if an order gets rejected three times in 7 days, the process starts over?

Mr. Massengill is expected to be released from the hospital Tuesday and fully recover after being treated for low blood sugar, slight dehydration and stress, according to officials at Melbourne Memorial.

A spokesperson for Bank of America refused comment and suggested reporters log on to the EQUATOR system for further updates.

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Rainmaker
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Wayne and Lynda Gomillion
Real Living Hagan Realtors | Pinehurst ~ Southern Pines, NC - Pinehurst, NC

served him right...

Mar 01, 2010 12:18 PM #1
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