And Out Come the Wolves

What is it about the rain that brings the mischievous out to play? 

Real Estate sales is the type of racket that leads one to bump bellies with all manner of folk.  Over my years in the industry to date, you might say I’ve been sheltered.  For all of the horror stories that float about a brokerage regarding the customer from hell, or the underhanded agent that shafts a fellow colleague out of a deserved paycheck, the instances in which I have encountered such REALTOR kryptonite have been few and far enough between to defy instant recollection.  Challenges and difficulties, to be sure, but no readily recounted tale of woe regarding a true American consumer psycho.  Either the good people of Scottsdale, AZ are simply of good stock, or my conscious decision not to hand out business cards at the dog track every Saturday afternoon as a central component of new client acquisition was prescient.

When the downturn in the market that first became evident in 2007 gave way to a full-fledged nosedive, however, a bunch of loose cargo in the back of our plane and overhead storage bins unloosed itself.  Ending up in the aisles and on the laps of well-behaved passengers, we find ourselves wading through the cretinous stowaways in attempt to pull the decent home buyers and sellers from the acrid wreckage.  Wouldn’t you know those oily ne’er do wells always seem to reach the emergency exits first; whooping it up as they slide to safety wearing a stolen oxygen mask.  Don’t worry about granny in seat 46C.  She can hold her breath for up to 18 seconds at a stretch.

To answer a few of the more “creative” questions I have fielded recently, I figured I’d simply draft a response to which all such future inquiries may be pointed.

No, I will not help you tie up a property with a straw buyer until such time that you can amass your down payment and/or financing.  It’s a fraudulent offer, and one made in bad faith.

No, I will not write offers on 15 short sale properties at once for the same buyer.  Short sales are frustrating, but it’s not just a numbers game.  I will not grease the wheels to a seller's foreclosure by tying their property up with an offer you have no real intention of seeing to fruition.

No, I will not give you a guestimate on how long you can live in your house rent-free before your mortgagor initiates foreclosure proceedings.  There are more than enough homeowners in need of  loan modification or short sale assistance.  I cannot in good conscience help you game the system and further bog the process down for those in true need of help. 

No, I will not help you buy a property as a primary residence if I know that you have no intention of ever occupying it.  There will be many dubious, and potentially fraudulent purchases made in the rush for the tax credit, but I won’t be a part of any of them.

No, I won’t secure a tenant for the property upon which you have stopped paying your mortgage.  That “free money” that goes in your pocket until the bank forecloses and boots the unsuspecting tenant out carries a steep price.

No, I will not be party to any side agreement pay-out in a Real Estate transaction that does not appear on the settlement statement. 

Rationalize such schemes all you like, but a treacherous climate does not excuse treachery.  Not only does potential harm fall on specific parties, but on the greater good as well.  Don't look to me to make my own biological contribution to the cesspool we’ve been forced to bathe in for many moons now.  Moral and ethical constraints aside, for no deal is it worth ruining a hard-earned reputation and future livelihood.  This is how I feed my family.

Your shenanigans are not worth my license. 

Now, if you would kindly hurry up and slide into the waiting arms of the authorities below, there are good people on this plane who need my help.

 

 

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