Pungent, At Best....My Most Outrageous Real Estate Story (To Date...)
My Most Outrageous Real Estate story isn't funny, at all. It's, well...pungent. At best.
It begins with some first-time homebuyers - sweet couple, young, full of hope for their first home...
They had a small budget and understood that they would have to look at "fixers." They were actually excited about this prospect - they were handy and their parents were going to help out with the down payment and the improvements.
We had spent a couple of days looking at some pretty dismal properties, but their enthusiasm wasn't dampened. They knew what they were getting into, they told me.
Ok, I said, let's keep looking.
On this particular Saturday we met at a house that was in a pretty good location, and the interior pictures the listing agent had put in the MLS didn't look too bad at all. My buyers wanted to see this one because it was close to both sets of parents.
And wouldn't you know...both sets of parents showed up with my clients to see this property.
(I'm going to digress for a minute. My husband and I have been buying distressed properties and renovating them for 12 years. I've seen some properties in pretty bad shape - comes with the territory. Not much, so far, has surprised or disgusted me. I've always thought that I had pretty thick skin and a pretty strong stomach. I was wrong...)
So here we all are standing in front of this home - all 7 of us. I tell my audience that the listing agent told me the house had been rented, but the renter moved out 3 weeks ago and the house is vacant. I tell them I was told it does need "a little" work. And then I unlock the front door.
Immediately we smell it. Whew. Still, in we go.
We step into the entry and take several steps into the kitchen. The aroma is now approaching eye-watering 
territory. And the kitchen is stacked HIGH with dirty dishes...every flat surface is covered and the sink is stacked so high I'm not sure how the dishes didn't crash to the floor. We all stood there for a couple of breaths (shallow breaths) and then backed up. Into the "dining room."
That's when we saw the dirty women's underwear strewn across the floor.
I looked at my buyers (and their parents) to gauge reactions...and to ask if they wanted to continue.
At this point I think it was morbid fascination that led us on.
I opened the door to what I correctly guessed was the cellar..and THINGS SKITTERED DOWN BELOW. I jumped away from the door...
And that's when we noticed the cats.
THERE. WERE. CATS. EVERYWHERE.
In the middle of the living room was a dirty mattress and scattered women's clothing and shoes. The bathroom was just grosser (is that a word?) compounded by the fact that we had counted (at that point) 3 REALLY FULL litter boxes throughout the first floor. (The source of the aroma?)
The drywall in the bathroom was destroyed and the cats were IN THE WALLS.
The second floor was in similar shape...half hung drywall, cats disappearing into walls, and 3 more VERY FULL overflowing litter boxes. (I had to wonder, why bother? The litter boxes weren't serving a purpose any more...)
Trash, cats, dirt, destroyed walls, cats, dirty underwear, cats, dirty dishes, skittering things (which I'm sure were cats)...I was already past disgusted (Me! Who isn't easily disgusted!), unable to breath properly and feeling a little queasy because of the stench. And getting angrier by the minute at the listing agent, who assured me the house was VACANT. My poor young buyers (and their parents) were wide-eyed...and finally decided they'd seen enough. We headed post-haste out the door.
Which wouldn't shut behind us.
After telling my buyers to head home, I called the listing agent to inform him that I could not secure the door. "How long has it been since you've been here?" I asked. "Oh, just a couple of weeks," he replied. "The house is not vacant." I said. "It was supposed to be," he replied. "How did it go?"
I'm ashamed to say, I let loose. "How did it go?!?! It is NOT vacant...the kitchen is stacked HIGH with dirty dishes, there is dirty underwear all over the floor, and there have to be AT LEAST 3 DOZEN CATS and 6 full litter boxes inside! The odor is overwhelming! It was not a pleasant experience! I would suggest that you take a drive over here and check out your listing!!!"
"Oh," he says, "the owner's niece was supposed to move out 3 weeks ago, but I guess she didn't." (You guess?!? Wait...the owner's niece???) "So...how much do you think it's worth?"
How much do I think it's worth? That's all you have to say? Are you kidding me? "Less than half what you have it listed for!!!" was my (shouted) response.
This was a year and I half ago. That house has sat vacant the entire time...until 2 months ago when someone purchased it...for less than half of what it was listed for. There's been a crew fixing it up. I cringe when I think what they encountered inside (Me. Who doesn't easily cringe...) after all this time and wonder what it's going to be like when they're done with it.
Morbid fascination.
It's just another day in the glamorous life of this real estate agent.
Photo credit: Helga Weber http://www.flickr.com/photos/helga/3264983583/
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