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Diary of a Snow Shoveler --- Funniest Thing You Will Read This Season

Real Estate Broker/Owner with Pocono Mountain Lakes Realty RB 066506

I was sent this two Christmas' ago by an old buddy. I laughed so hard I couldn't get rid of it so I saved it to share every Christmas Season with everyone! Enjoy!

Diary of a snow shoveler, probable location - North East
December 8 - 6:00 PM

It started to snow.
The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat  for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life!
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
Such a disappointment!
My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful!
Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again
I don't think that's possible.
Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so.
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15

20 inches forecast.
Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that's silly.
We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16
Ice storm this morning.
Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
Hurt like hell.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing.
Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours.
I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
God I hate it when she's right.
I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling!
Took all day.
The damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
Might have another shipment in March.
I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
I think he's lying.
December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white   shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August.
Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.
By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy.  I think the asshole is lying.
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today
And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack.
If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.
I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.
December 25
Merry freaking Christmas!
20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -Snowed in.
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
God, I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she's an idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in.
Why the hell did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -20.
Still snowed in.
The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
December 29
10 more inches.
Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard.   How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
Roof caved in.
I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
The wife went home to her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house.
No more shoveling.
January 8
Feel so good.
I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?  


Marie Riddell

This is what it was like the first winter I moved to PEI...

Mar 03, 2017 04:43 AM
Betty M McClanahan

Hello, my wonderful doc that I drive from Mississippi to see! There isn't another doctor better than you. PS:I have to share your Snow Tale.

Nov 01, 2017 03:36 PM

I received this years ago. It still cracks me up! Thanks for sharing 😂

Dec 13, 2017 02:36 PM

This is the funniest snow story I have ever read. It is hilarious and every word could be true to us living in the mountains. I laughed so hard I woke up my husband who was sleeping late having used the snow blower for an hour yesterday. Today he is resting.

Dec 26, 2017 07:08 AM

I thought it was funny and know my friends will too.

Feb 10, 2018 06:48 PM

Good on.

Oct 16, 2018 10:37 AM

Living in Vermont I understand what this poor sap had to endure! We can easily get a snow fall that leaves up tp 3 feet of snow. The temperatures in January and February can be a balmy o degrees during the day and -20 at night. We are so lucky! Feel bad for the people living in Florida.

Oct 24, 2018 08:26 AM
Darlene Biggs

I also seems rid n post it everywhere every year. It is so funny I hate to have someone not read it. Its funnier every time I read it. Know n e more?

Nov 15, 2018 04:44 PM
Darlene Biggs

seemed me anything eke Luke this

Nov 15, 2018 04:46 PM

Oh great, another stupid boring story!!!!!! But what the hell. I started reading it and holy s - - t was it funny . Glad I read it. made my day. Laugh out loud funny.😂

Nov 16, 2018 07:02 PM

I was transplanted to the U.P. (Upper Penisula) of Michigan for a project for a year. They BOAST over 330 inches on average ( ON AVERAGE ) here, being in the top 5 for snowfall in the United States. This is something they are PROUD of! Haven't quite figured that out yet. Good thing I ensured the landlord was responsible for plowing b/c I would be the guy in this diary! I am also thanking the good Lord that he blessed me and that my permanent residence is in S. Florida!

Jan 31, 2019 04:20 AM
Steve Elliott

Are you glad you live in Tucson or do you want to go back to Milwaukee. Mom

Feb 13, 2019 07:48 PM


Feb 26, 2019 01:33 PM

I laughed til I cried. Now I have to redo my makeup. Hilarious!!!!

Mar 07, 2019 12:03 PM

That's hilarious!

Aug 27, 2019 04:07 AM
Bill Moores

That is a good laugh but so close to the exact truth.

Jan 18, 2020 07:45 AM
Michelle O’Toole

Thanks for the belly laugh. It came at a great time. I’m in Mount Pearl, NL and we are still under a date of Emergency since Jan 17 after the Snow storm of the Century. We had 93cm of snow with winds up to 160km. 6 days later and we are still digging out and a few cities are still shut down. Looks like the State of Emergency will be lifted by Saturday Jan 25. I’m not tied to the bed yet!!!! LOL

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