Admin

Diary of a Snow Shoveler --- Funniest Thing You Will Read This Season

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with Pocono Mountain Lakes Realty RB 066506

I was sent this two Christmas' ago by an old buddy. I laughed so hard I couldn't get rid of it so I saved it to share every Christmas Season with everyone! Enjoy!

Diary of a snow shoveler, probable location - North East
 
December 8 - 6:00 PM

It started to snow.
The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat  for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
I love snow!
 
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life!
 
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
Such a disappointment!
My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful!
Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again
I don't think that's possible.
Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
 
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so.
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.
 
December 15

20 inches forecast.
Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that's silly.
We aren't in Alaska, after all.
 
December 16
Ice storm this morning.
Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
Hurt like hell.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
 
December 17
Still way below freezing.
Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours.
I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
God I hate it when she's right.
I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
 
December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling!
Took all day.
The damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
Might have another shipment in March.
I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
I think he's lying.
 
December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white   shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August.
Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.
By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy.  I think the asshole is lying.
 
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today
And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
She says she did but I think she's lying.
 
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack.
If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.
I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.
 
December 25
Merry freaking Christmas!
20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -Snowed in.
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
God, I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she's an idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
 
December 26
Still snowed in.
Why the hell did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.
 
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
 
December 28
Warmed up to above -20.
Still snowed in.
The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
 
December 29
10 more inches.
Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard.   How dumb does he think I am?
 
December 30
Roof caved in.
I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
The wife went home to her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.
 
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house.
No more shoveling.
 
January 8
Feel so good.
I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?  

Comments(141)

Show All Comments Sort:
John Juarez
The Medford Real Estate Team - Fremont, CA
ePRO, SRES, GRI, PMN

New Year's Day...watching the Rose Parade on t.v., which originates in Pasadena, California, the following words echo across the Northeast.

"Grab the kids, honey! Pack the car! We are moving to California" 

Dec 19, 2009 02:26 PM
Christine Donovan
Donovan Blatt Realty - Costa Mesa, CA
Broker/Attorney 714-319-9751 DRE01267479 - Costa M

Too funny.

 

As a Southern California local, I couldn't imagine ever not loving a white Christmas, at least not until I had one in Pennsylvania that knocked out the electricity.  Who knew that electricity also powers the water and heating systems?  I always thought it was for lights and electronics and appliances, but well water and heating the house by heating the water in the pipes in the walls?

 

 

Dec 19, 2009 03:31 PM
Linda Christopher
Riverside, CA
Property Manager & Real Estate Sales

Soooo Funny because it's true. Thank you for making me laugh out loud.

Now I am going to steal it and email it to a client that moved back east to the snow.

Dec 19, 2009 04:37 PM
Sandy McAlpine
RE/MAX EXECUTIVE - Cornelius, NC
Search Lake Norman Homes For Sale - Lake Norman NC

That one had me rolling! I am from the deep south so I haven't had too much of the snow to deal with but I have heard stories from my dad (growing up in Penn).

Dec 20, 2009 06:16 AM
Linda Graves Arnold
Coldwell Banker Gundaker-St. Louis, MO - Chesterfield, MO
St. Louis Real Estate Pro - 314-422-2762 - Referr

How hilarious!  I laughed out loud....  those little white flakes seem so innocuous don't they??

Dec 20, 2009 07:56 AM
Joy Carter & Jeff Booker Brother and Sister Team
Keller Williams Parkland/Coral Springs Realty-GreatFloridaHomes Team - Coral Springs, FL
Trust Your Family's Move To Our Expertise!

Tears are rolling down my cheeks!  That was too funny!'

Not to be mean, but I LOVE to watch the news and hear of all the awful weather up north.  The worse it is the better our sales are here in the coming months. 

Clients say, I'm done!  Not one more year of shovelling snow!

It is actually cold here now, got to 59 degrees today.  I had to put a coat on.  Might go into the 40's tonight...I'll have to stay in.

I LOVE FLORIDA!!!!   Joy

Dec 20, 2009 08:48 AM
Kathleen Ann Pacheco-Corbett
(FIRST Exclusive Buyer's Office Providence-RI) - Providence, RI
Realtor, RI-MA, CEBA, Master, e-Pro, ABR, ABRM, GR

As I read your blog I kept saying enough is enough. We were just left us with 20inches of that beautiful white stuff and my husband is out re-shoveling what he had shoveled earlier. We have been Rhode Islandersfor our entire lives and now we are seniors I have been trying to convince my DH that now should be the time we move to closer to our grandchildren in SC.  I could be ready in a split second, This funny but practically true blog needs to be read by my significant other when he comes in.

Dec 20, 2009 10:37 AM
Debe Maxwell, CRS
Savvy + Company (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
The RIGHT CHARLOTTE REALTOR!

Rick,  Be careful what you wish for, right?!  Thanks for sharing this--I'm still smiling after reading!  I think someone is going to be REALLY saying that this year, since we're expected to have the worst winter ever!   What's this I keep hearing about global WARMING?!

Have a great week...

Debe In CharlotteMerry Christmas

Dec 20, 2009 04:40 PM
Lottie Kendall
Compass - San Francisco, CA
Helping make your real estate dreams a reality

You're right--I'm laughing as I read. I'm sending this to my daughter and son-in-law in Boston.

Dec 20, 2009 11:06 PM
Jon Sigler
Coldwell Banker Realty - South Windsor, CT
Sigler Sold Another! 860-306-8029

Thanks for the laugh!  We all hunkered down for the storm that wasn't over the weekend (but it sure did hit elsewhere!)

Dec 21, 2009 01:16 AM
Dennis Puckett
Adams,Cameron & Co. - Deland, FL

That is just too funny. You made my day...

Dec 21, 2009 03:14 AM
Kathy Opatka
RE/MAX CROSSROADS - Ocean City, MD
Serving Ocean City, MD, & The Delaware Beaches

Very clever!  Luckily, we only got 1/8 of an inch of snow and it melted by mid-day!

Dec 21, 2009 05:08 AM
Mike Henderson
Your complete source for buying HUD homes - Littleton, CO
HUD Home Hub - 303-949-5848

We've already had two snowfalls of twenty plus inches twice already.

Dec 21, 2009 01:21 PM
Rebecca Levinson, Real Estate Marketing and Online Advertising Consultant
Real Skillz-Clear Marketing for Your Real Estate Vision - Lake Geneva, WI

Rick,

Thank you for the laugh.  I saw this as an re-blog on Margaret Rome's blog and re-blogged it myself.  Thanks for sharing.

Dec 21, 2009 02:00 PM
Judy Jennings
Top Agent Plus - Middleboro, MA
Tap into Judy's real estate expertise & resources.

Rick - This was very funny. Most people would have cracked long before this guy. HA HA

Dec 21, 2009 10:31 PM
Marilyn Harrell
Better Homes and Acres - Beaverton, MI
Wixom Lake - Beaverton MI

Very funny - very very funny!

Dec 26, 2009 04:27 AM
Sonja Adams
Keller Williams Realty - Purcellville, VA

Omg...that is too funny...we had record snowfall in VA and shovelled numerous times as well....

Dec 27, 2009 01:43 PM
Liz Moras Migic
Chilliwack, BC
Chilliwack, British Columbia - Realtor
Truly hilarious - thanks for allowing us to re-blog!
Dec 30, 2009 03:33 PM
Joan Whitebook
BHG The Masiello Group - Nashua, NH
Consumer Focused Real Estate Services

I saw this shortly after moving to New Hampshire and it is way too True!  Happy New Year and enjoy those white pills.

Jan 02, 2010 02:12 AM
Dana Devine
Charles Rutenberg Realty - Apollo Beach, FL

why do i have to comment   cant i just sit here and laugh

Jan 06, 2010 06:41 AM