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Kids Are So Different Today!? Really?...Is it them or is it us?

By
Real Estate Agent with Better Homes & Gardens | The Masiello Group

Almost daily you hear someone speak about how different today's kids are from when they were kids.  Every time I hear such a statement, I can't help but wonder is it really the kids, or is it us?

video gamesSome people love to lament the technology available to today's children and how kids were oh so much more polite when they were young.  I would say that if these things are a problem we should look at ourselves instead of wondering what is wrong with today's kids.

Who gave those tech toys to the kids and lets them play for hours on end?  Who taught them their manners?  Who lets them watch those violent programs?  Who lets them spend hours on violent video games?  Who schedules ALL of their time until they have no idea how to amuse themselves when left alone for a little while?

The kids?  Nope!  It would be more accurate to talk about how parents were different when we were kids.  Sometimes in good ways, and sometimes in not so good ways.  This is most likely true of every generation. 

I would not lament about this either, since we are the ones with the power to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

Case in point:

On my little street, most of the children do not have access to that much television.  Not because we are anti-TV folk, but because cable is simply too expensive and it has been the first thing people discarded around here in this economy.

Super QuinnWhen I arrived home for lunch today, I was greeted by Super Quinn on his Q mobile, Ecto-Erick, and Super Fire Man.  It is amazing how much fun kids can have with an old shirt, old quilt, some paper, and markers!  I wish I could show you photos of the other superheros, but I don't have their mother's permission yet to post those, so Super Quinn will have to do for the moment.

Apparently the Superhero shenanigans had been going on all morning.  This just shows that when left to their own devices, kids will simply be kids...in the same ways we were when we were younger.

With the exception of my son, the kids call me by my first name.  Not because they are rude, but because I let them.  If I had asked them to call me Mrs. Wheatley, they would have.  They say "please" and "thank you" regularly, not because they are old fashioned, but because their parents taught them to do that and they adopted the habit.

If my son starts acting out or saying things I do not approve of, I think it is all too easy and convenient to fall into the trap of blaming this on some other child that he must be picking it up from...or perhaps these times we are living in.

I'm the parent, right?  My son may not be perfect, but he is mine and I choose to empower myself to be the parent I want to be instead of lamenting "modern times."

Kids are still a hoot to watch.  They are still loads of fun to listen to and they can still pluck our last nerve when they want to.

Kids will be kids...if we let them.

 

 

Posted by

The Maine Real Estate Network - Kristen Wheatley - Lewiston-Auburn Maine Real Estate

Maine Realtor Kristen Wheatley  

Kristen Wheatley is a Maine Realtor working and living in Central Maine.  She specializes in the sale of residential and investment property in the Lewiston-Auburn area and surrounding towns.  Kristen uses the latest tools and mobile technology to provide a superior experience and results for her clients and enjoys sharing these technology skills and teaching other real estate professionals and local small business owners.

The Maine Real Estate NetworkKristen Wheatley, Associate Broker
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34 Center Street - Auburn ME 04210
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Kristen Wheatley
Better Homes & Gardens | The Masiello Group - Brunswick, ME
Supporting Success - Best Job in the World!

That is so awesome!  It shows that the right words from the parent can empower the child to make better decisions. 

Aug 27, 2010 09:44 AM
Charles Edwards Bentonville
Coldwell Banker Harris McHaney & Faucette 479-253-3796 - Bentonville, AR
AR REALTOR, Bentonville Real Estate Agent and Broker

You are great Mom! There is a bigger picture and you are seeing it in time to steer your family in the right direction. KUDOS! I know I don't have to say it but I will, ENJOY IT it is the MOST precious time.

Aug 27, 2010 10:39 AM
Scott Hayes
(512) 786-8300 - Austin, TX
Realty Austin, Broker Associate

Well said. It can be a matter of what they eat, how they exercise or the tv thing- kids always follow what the parents do.

Aug 27, 2010 11:25 AM
Jack Mossman - The Nines Team at Keller Williams in Lodi
The Nines Team at Keller Williams in Lodi - Lodi, CA
The Nines Team in Lodi

Kristen - Thanks first for accepting the responsibility that parenting (or lack of it) produces the kids of today.  Parents are first and foremost the ones who need to make changes in a child's life to produce the attitudes that lead to character values.  It is far too easy to let society be the blame, or some early life trauma, or too much sugar ....

Thanks second for the observation, that when left to their own imaginations - kids become the kids they have always been ....

Aug 27, 2010 02:49 PM
Kristen Wheatley
Better Homes & Gardens | The Masiello Group - Brunswick, ME
Supporting Success - Best Job in the World!

Thank you Charles and yes, we are enjoying every minute of it...even the hard times.  They do pass all too quickly.

Scott:  They are little sponges!  Without the TV and video games, they tend to run around and play all day.  By running around and playing all day they tend to eat a lot.  When the only choices for food are healthy ones, they eat those and enjoy.  When the family participates in growing their food or takes an outing to get it from the farm, they learn the value of good food.  The magic formula is a simple one.

Jack:  Thank you.  One of the things I love about my little street is that the families of these children are very different from one another.  We all have different beliefs, different manners of doing things, and different traditions, but somehow the children are all very much alike in their playfulness and pleasant demeanor.  It just shows that there can be many different ways to achieve the same goal.

Aug 27, 2010 03:27 PM
Jay Lloyd
Cape Coral Florida - Cape Coral, FL
Allpro Home Inspection

Hi Kristen, I agree with Jack, parents have changed not kids. Super Quinn looks super happy. ps: I like the changes to your page very cool.

Aug 27, 2010 04:54 PM
Kristen Wheatley
Better Homes & Gardens | The Masiello Group - Brunswick, ME
Supporting Success - Best Job in the World!

Hi Jay:  Yes, Super Quinn is a happy camper. :)  and yes, it is time for parents to realize they are not powerless to change things for their children.

I'm glad you like the new page.  It has been feeling a little like fall already here (one of my favorite seasons) so I had a little fun.

Aug 27, 2010 06:51 PM
Roger D. Mucci
Shaken...with a Twist 216.633.2092 - Euclid, OH
Lets shake things up at your home today!

You are right on the money Kristen..........parents need to take a better look at themselves.  Kids only know what they are taught, so many parents feel it's up to the teachers to "teach" their kids manners and basic social functions...........so not true.  You are a great Mom, enjoy Super Quinn, he's an adorable little man.........and you seem to be doing all the right things.

Aug 28, 2010 12:37 AM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Good morning Kristen,

I'm with Roger..you are right on the money! It is the parents who need to take a look at their priorities..Super Quinn is adorable..it is apparent you are letting him be a kid and he is enjoying it!!

Aug 28, 2010 12:53 AM
Liz and Bill Spear
Transaction Alliance 513.520.5305 www.LizTour.com - Mason, OH
Transaction Alliance Cincinnati & Dayton suburbs

Kristen, You're one of those that "gets it"!  I'm always amazed at how often we go through a home and each kids room has it's own TV, XBox or equivalent, DVD player, PC, etc.  They need to just get on their bikes, playing tackle football in the yard, maybe DO some yardwork (and God forbid, NOT get paid for it).

Kids will do, or NOT do, what we expect of them.  We've just got to be willing to make the effort.

 

(And also love the new theme for your page!)

Aug 28, 2010 01:23 AM
Kristen Wheatley
Better Homes & Gardens | The Masiello Group - Brunswick, ME
Supporting Success - Best Job in the World!

Roger:  Thank you.  I do think that majority of parents know that these things are their responsibility, but somehow in the hustle and bustle of daily lives and constant reports of this study or that study of the causes of behaviors, they start to feel powerless.  All of these behavioral studies are important, but unfortunately instead of creating understanding, there is something lost in the translation and people start to view behaviors as predetermined instead of as a series of choices.  Kids need to make choices and make mistakes in order to learn from those mistakes and learn to make better choices.

Dorie:  Thank you too.  We have a blast with Quinn.  We had the benefit of being together a long time before Quinn came along.  Lots of time to ponder what type of parents we wanted to be.  Even with that, it is all a learning experience.  One that we are savoring.  He is one of those kids that thrives with a lot of self-directed thinking and exploration time.  It was an eye opener when he was younger to realize that this is his childhood and not mine.  I can't fill it up with the things I think he should want to do.

Aug 28, 2010 05:01 AM
Kristen Wheatley
Better Homes & Gardens | The Masiello Group - Brunswick, ME
Supporting Success - Best Job in the World!

Liz and Bill:  What I'm noticing is that there are a lot of parents who get it.  Chances are that has always been the case and I am just noticing it now.  Kind of like when you see an orange car you like and then all of sudden you seem to notice them everywhere.  They were always there, we just didn't notice before.  In some ways, this economy has helped parents to stop providing "stuff" and start simply enjoying time.

I guess I'm feeling a little awkward and didn't intend for this to be an "I'm such a great mom" post.  I'm far from perfect.  I just have the benefit of owning my own mistakes.  I think our culture has this twisted version of what a great parent should be.  So much so that when we can't live up to that, many just give up or get caught up and don't realize that it is all "quality time."  We don't have to stuff it full with what we think other people expect us to do.

I'm definitely of the no TV, phone, computer, etc. in the bedroom variety.  Bedrooms are for sleeping.  I think setting up that concept early helps tremendously once kids become teenagers and prevents a lot of issues.  So many parents understandably want to provide their children with all the things they feel they missed in their own childhood.  Ironically, the one thing most kids seem to really want is just time to be and time to explore.  The wanting of stuff passes with each new craze, but the wanting of time and attention is always there.

 

Aug 28, 2010 05:14 AM
Susan Haughton
Long and Foster REALTORS (703) 470-4545 - Alexandria, VA
Susan & Mindy Team...Honesty. Integrity. Results.

I could not agree with you more on this post...I have seen many parents - who came from limited circumstances, sacrificed, worked hard to become successful - who were so determined to provide all the material things they didn't have.  What they have denied their children - unintentionally, of course - is the opportunity to replicate that ethic and hard work.  Or to know how to make certain sacrifices.

It's not about the toys, the games, the stuff, no matter what parents think they hear from their children...the stuff becomes a substitute for what kids really want, as you said, TIME.

Good things can come out of a bad economy - and this is, indeed, a great side effect. 

Aug 28, 2010 12:10 PM
Liz and Bill Spear
Transaction Alliance 513.520.5305 www.LizTour.com - Mason, OH
Transaction Alliance Cincinnati & Dayton suburbs

Kristen, None of us our perfect, but you're doing a great job!

Despite what Phly wrote today, I have my ogre moments!  The engineer/ex-military can be a deadly combination to picking up on other people's feelings and needs.  Honestly, working real estate has helped me tune in better, force some of the introvert to speak out.  I'm still no expert at small talk in real life... perhaps the blogging/AR type environment is optimal for me!  An opportunity to "speak" after thinking, only engaging in conversations I selected to participate in or initiated via post. A step at a time in the journey!

Bill

Aug 28, 2010 01:06 PM
Lanre-"THE REAL ESTATE FARMER" Folayan
Samson Properties - Bowie, MD
I don't make promises.I deliver results.SOLD HOMES

Kristen some kids bad behavior can be attributed to many things. Having a single parent or no parents,parents giving them too much freedom,no home training etc. List goes on and on. Some parents do their best to raise their kids but society and peer pressure make some kids feel like they have to do this or that if they want to be accepted. God help us all.

Aug 28, 2010 01:46 PM
Lanre-"THE REAL ESTATE FARMER" Folayan
Samson Properties - Bowie, MD
I don't make promises.I deliver results.SOLD HOMES

By the way this blog Kristen Wheatley (Keller Williams Realty Mid Maine) Deserves a Gold Star or more 

by Brian Rugg Sun City Texas brought me to this blog. Have a great weekend. Great post.

 

 

Aug 28, 2010 01:49 PM
Kristen Wheatley
Better Homes & Gardens | The Masiello Group - Brunswick, ME
Supporting Success - Best Job in the World!

Susan:  Yes, I guess this is the sunny side of the recession. :)  There have also been a lot of men out there who have been laid off from their jobs and are ending up being the ones staying home looking after the kids for the first time in their lives.  Interestingly, many of them are realizing that they can do it when they never realized how nurturing they could be.

Lanre:  Yes, there are kids in all sorts of circumstances.  Some are strong enough to make it through no matter what, and others will find it difficult.  Even kids in the same family can have such different personalities that what worked for one doesn't work for another.  I guess that is just nature's way of keeping us parents on our toes. :)

Peer pressure and the weight of society is a tough one.  The battle for peer pressure resistance is an ongoing one that starts when children are very young.  I have seen great parents end up with very difficult situations when these things have crept in.  Probably the best thing parents can do to help their children resist peer pressure is to live happy lives themselves.  I think many times parents feel that they must do "everything for the children" and they forget to pursue their own dreams and desires.  Ironically, modeling this behavior would go a long way to helping their children.

Aug 28, 2010 03:08 PM
Kristen Wheatley
Better Homes & Gardens | The Masiello Group - Brunswick, ME
Supporting Success - Best Job in the World!

Bill:  I can't picture you as an ogre!  However, the whole not picking up on the feelings of others isn't just an engineer/ex-military thing, its a MAN thing.  Before all the men jump on that comment, I have to admit they we women tend to think we are being totally obvious about our feelings when perhaps it is not that obvious.

We'll have to check in with Liz after a while.  I bet after a year of blogging you'll be a master conversationalist!

Aug 28, 2010 03:26 PM
Liz and Bill Spear
Transaction Alliance 513.520.5305 www.LizTour.com - Mason, OH
Transaction Alliance Cincinnati & Dayton suburbs

Kristen, I think you broke the WOMAN code by admitting that even though both genders speak English, we may be speaking two entirely different languages! :)

Bill

Aug 28, 2010 03:58 PM
Kristen Wheatley
Better Homes & Gardens | The Masiello Group - Brunswick, ME
Supporting Success - Best Job in the World!

Oops. :)

Aug 28, 2010 04:17 PM