Happily Ever After

Her smile was simply dazzling when she pulled out her notebook at lunch the other day. A simple black leather journal overflowing with paint chips, fabric swatches and dozens of torn out magazine pages tucked loosely between the sheets. Her first house was just about to close and she couldn’t wait to show me the myriad plans she’d made for her new home. She flipped animatedly through her collection of ideas when one unintended scrap fell to the floor. A picture of a wedding dress. I just smiled.

There are no wedding plans on her horizon. Though I surmised from her flimsy explanation that this house represents the first step toward her goal of finding and marrying Mr. Right. She has a vision and I admire her for that. She’s the kind of girl who takes deliberate steps and plants the seeds required to make her dreams blossom. Vivid colors of wedding bouquet will emerge in full bloom in her new backyard before the seasons change. She knows exactly what she’s doing and does so without any fear of consequences. Whoever HE is, he’s a very lucky guy.

When the heart takes a sudden left turn, the landscape we call happiness changes entirely. All that is needed is a modern kitchen, some land and a mountain view. With a toss of her hair, she informs me that she is thrilled at the prospect of rediscovering life after divorce. The mountain on her horizon represents the hope she’d squandered back at the alter. Possibilities she couldn’t entertain while trapped at sea level. She feels younger out here in this untamed space. More alive. Hopeful. Whoever SHE is, she’s a very lucky girl.

Perhaps all the intensity I witness in those newly committed to the idea of whatever is simply accidental. As I take a deep, clean breath, I wonder at the prospect of finding genuine happiness. Whether that means being safely tethered, or whether it means being unconditionally free. I am genuinely curious about happiness - who has it and when, who has it and why. I am capable of pouring my purest self toward an empty space if I believe it holds some happiness for me. Though I could never pre-define what that bliss might entail.

A fast silence lives within me and refuses to tell me where I should go next. A gentle breeze carries the answers but I let it drift on by. If only I could clear a straight path towards what is undeniable, I would have my own set of happy blueprints in clear view. Knowing me, I would toss them in the fire and wait for the persuasive call of the next surprise. My happily ever after is comprised of not knowing what comes next. Or in imagining it. Which I find myself doing these days.