A LIVING agreement...kids transition to adults and living at home!

By
Real Estate Agent

Our 21 year old will be moving back home to finish up her last year of college...and our 17 yr old is counting the days til he's 18 and out of Highschool and is free to "leave" as he puts it. As I'm prompting him for why he's so anxious to depart what I feel is a loving family, he promptly shares that we have rules that he doesn't want to follow. As I dig I find out those rules have more to do with our foundational belief in God and our attempt to uphold boundaries and consequences accordingly. 

As our discussion amongst the three of us ensued in the jacuzzi I mentioned that even though he turns 18 if he's still living under our roof there will still be guidelines. We all agreed it would be a great idea to document those guidelines, #1 so were all operating with the same understanding.

So, I'm welcoming input from all and treasure those who have perhaps experienced this and you can let us learn from your experiences! 

Here's our start so far: 

1. There are rules and boundaries when living under our roof and will be consequences if not followed.

2. When you walk in our door there's the verse, Joshua 24:15 "...as for me and my house we will serve The Lord." ...read the sign when you walk in and if you don't choose to uphold that, walk out. (Courtesy of my husband who keeps things simple!)

3. Even if our belief/value system isn't the same, we will respect and honor each others.

4. You need to be engaged in something that furthers your ability to survive on your own; college, schooling, working, volunteering, etc.

5. You will contribute  to the household either financially or in household chores/upkeep.

6. Uphold the law. If illegal then also not allowed at home. Drugs, never legal. Alcohol, illegal til 21. At 21 will have to have discuss further.

7. You're in charge of your whereabouts but we need to be told if you're not coming home, or if leaving house at odark thirty share why/where.

8. When having friends over, if opposite sex then they need to leave house at reasonable time, 11pm. (Understanding exceptions will be made for different situations requested in advance)

9. Clean up after yourself after having friends over.

10. Drive responsibly and follow law. If not, no longer will you have the luxury of a car.

11. If working full time you pay for cell phone. If in school we pay but any over and above plan charges you pay.

12. Know that these guidelines are established in our family because WE LOVE YOU and want to position you to be responsible.

Please help contribute!

Comments (7)

Wayne Zuhl
Remax First Realty II - Cranford, NJ
The Last Name You'll Ever Need in Real Estate

Tracey,

this is a great list. I may need to post this for our 18 & 21 year old.

 

Apr 12, 2014 11:34 AM
Jane Chaulklin-Schott
TEAMCONNECT REALTY - (407) 394-9766 - Orlando, FL
TeamConnect Luxury Homes - Orlando, Florida, 32836

Lots of good wishes, Tracey. My husband and I had 9 children - now all adults. Their Dad, my husband died in 1989 from pancreatic cancer. We recognized the need for guidelines; although we all knew they were there, did not always work out. have lots of love, patience, openness and forgiveness ready. They do eventually grow to be wonderful people. Maturity is a learning experience and like anything worthwhile, there is usually a price tag.

Apr 12, 2014 01:49 PM
TRACEY KIRK-JOHNSON
Coto de Caza, CA
Making a Difference...One Family at a Time!

Thank you Wayne, Jean and Jane for sharing...life certainly isn't boring with our kiddos.

Apr 12, 2014 02:43 PM
Susan Goulding
Crown Key Realty, Inc; Tracy & Mountain House Sales and Property Management - Tracy, CA
Northern CA - Tracy & Mountain House Real Estate

GOOD LUCK.  I'm a reasonable parent.  I'm on the end.

29 year old moved out and once college was over never looked back. OF course he was a Grad from the USAFA and went straight into the Military.

our 26 year old moved in when he graduated from college.  Here he lived for 3 years.  I was tough, there were growing pains, he was used to be on his own, now he's back

Our 23 year old is still out.

Our 20 year is struggling the most, he never left, and wish he had.

Then there is the 17 year old watching it all....

 

It's hard they are adults, they are living in our house.... but they are adults.  Hard to write in a brick that's already backed and hardened.... I put my impression on my kids years ago... the rules got modified based on their age.

Apr 12, 2014 04:46 PM
TRACEY KIRK-JOHNSON
Coto de Caza, CA
Making a Difference...One Family at a Time!
Jane, your a hero raising that many kids...I have alot to learn from you! Susan...it is hard as the younger ones watch and learn but sometimes they also learn what not to do! Thanks for your insight! Hang in there!
Apr 12, 2014 10:33 PM
Dee Toohey
Innovative Realty Solutions Group - Longwood, FL
Broker, ABR, AHWD, CIPS, FMS, ePro

Tracey!  Good list.  I think you will have the courage to stick to it!!  Many don't have rules for fear of offending their teens. 

Apr 13, 2014 12:21 AM
Kristina Heili
Keller Williams Premier Realty - Woodbury, MN
Comprehensive Real Estate Services

Chuckle at this one: The gotta-get-otta-here kid strikes up his own pad away from home. A little while later he calls up mom to complain how expensive everything was. Mom tells him she understands. He complains back at her, "How would you know what it's like out here; you've never moved away from home."

Apr 13, 2014 05:55 AM