The Problem Is . . . You See It AS A Problem

Commercial Real Estate Agent with Next Wave RE Investments LLC Bullhead City AZ Commercial RE Broker AZ BR 528507000


The Problem Is . . . You See It AS A Problem


If you notice that my blog has a crapload of broken links, I am aware. We had a database crash on one of my websites requiring recreation of the media library so that the image URLs can be restored. PITA but I ain't gonna dwell. It'll get fixed and I'm too busy to feed the frustration. This got me to thinking . . .



I talk to a LOT of people, daily, in the 2 businesses I run. And continually I come across folks who make huge deals out of small issues. ESPECIALLY in real estate. 

MOST of the time, ooooh, I'd say 99.99999% of the time, the problem isn't a problem at all, but something to be perfected, integrated, massaged into compliance. Or . . . nothing at all.

It's not really a problem if it can be solved, is it?

When I wrote astrology for the masses, one of the publications I worked at the longest (13 years) was Starscroll. Yep, those little rolled up scrolls you'd get at the grocery store checkout. Astrology writing is VERY formulaic. One of the 'rules' was:

Create a problem, then reveal the solution. 

This is often done in real estate as well.


We humans are little walking, talking computers, constantly in problem-solving mode. In order to 'justify our existence', we occupy our time WORRYING, fretting over what could be wrong in our otherwise blessed and bountiful lives.




Many people feel if they are not 'on the edge', iterating all the time all the time all the time, they may not anticipate something that could blow up in their face. Sure, it's good to think a few moves ahead on the chess board; that's what separates a good broker from a great one.

But equally important is NOT overreacting, jacking everyone else up. I see agents doing this to their own clients! 


I have a client in my spiritual counseling business who is always 'looking for patterns' that may indicate a disaster looming. And guess what happens? Disaster manifests. And she gets to pay me big bucks to essentially tell her to cut that shiz OUT!

When you vibrationally align with worry, 'that which you hath feared shall come upon you' and it's your own damn fault for creating it!


So, hotties, a little reminder. Be cool, see challenges as divine providence, laugh at what is broken and don't fix what ain't.



And for Goddess' sake, don't quit!!






🎵Every angle, every option
Checked my facts again and again
Tore it apart a thousand times
And stood it on its head
Went over it and over it
Considered different points of view
Put things in perspective
But I can't find the error
No ideas, no clues
Well, what the Hell am I supposed to do?

I've really got a problem here

Comments (33)

Krystin Mitchell, CPA CFE
KLSM CPA Firm, PLLC - Houston, TX
Strategic Accounting & Tax Solutions

Hi Candice - This was great! So many times we create our own problems by worrying about problems that aren't there. 

Oct 04, 2019 08:04 AM
Candice A. Donofrio
Vibrational alignment for better or worse!
Oct 04, 2019 08:31 AM
Gene Mundt, IL/WI Mortgage Originator - FHA/VA/Conv/Jumbo/Portfolio/Refi
NMLS #216987, IL Lic. 031.0006220, WI Licensed. APMC NMLS #175656 - New Lenox, IL
708.921.6331 - 40+ yrs experience

I agree Candice A. Donofrio ... as a whole our industry seems to fall into 3 categories just like Goldilock and the 3 Bears.  Those that OVERreact ... those that UNDERreact ... and those that react "just right" and fix things quickly and smoothly.  Never a dull day, right?



Oct 04, 2019 08:20 AM
Candice A. Donofrio
Yeah we have better ways of shaking it up when life is dull LOL, usually involves some kind of libation and music!
Oct 04, 2019 08:32 AM
Francine Viola
Coldwell Banker Evergreen Olympic Realty, Olympia WA - Olympia, WA
REALTOR®, In Tune with your Real Estate Needs

It's always good and refreshing to level-set and reframe what we view as problems, disasters, crises- thank you for this post! :-)

Oct 04, 2019 08:54 AM
Candice A. Donofrio
Grazie bella!
Oct 04, 2019 08:58 AM
Jeff Dowler, CRS
eXp Realty of California, Inc. - Carlsbad, CA
The Southern California Relocation Dude

Hi Candice:

You are so right in many ways!. Great advice here from someone who knows!

Have a great weekend!


Oct 04, 2019 10:59 AM
Candice A. Donofrio
You too!🌞
Oct 04, 2019 11:12 AM
Tom Bailey
Margaret Rudd & Associates Inc. - Oak Island, NC

Good post Candice. If the client sees it as a problem, then it is a problem even it really isn't. When it comes to potential problems, I try to live by a saying my late mother used"don't cross that bridge until you get to it son"!

Oct 04, 2019 11:05 AM
Candice A. Donofrio
I'm with your mom! I tell clients, "I'll tell you when to worry!" 🤫
Oct 04, 2019 11:43 AM
John Henry, Florida Architect
John Henry Masterworks Design International, Inc. - Orlando, FL
Residential Architect, Luxury Custom Home Design

... and then there is analysis/paralysis!    Good post and rant.

Oct 04, 2019 11:50 AM
Candice A. Donofrio
And other forms of mental self-pleasuring that are rarely pleasurable LOL
I suppose there may be those who dig it, they just don't fly on my broom!
Oct 04, 2019 12:04 PM
Margaret Goss
Baird & Warner Real Estate - Winnetka, IL
Chicago's North Shore & Winnetka Real Estate

I know it sounds crazy, but I try to anticipate problems - not create them. At least I'm ready when and if they happen.

Oct 04, 2019 12:56 PM
Candice A. Donofrio
Not crazy, part of being experienced. You've seen what can happen, and you make sure it doesn't happen again. LOL
Oct 04, 2019 01:07 PM
Patricia Feager, MBA, CRS, GRI,MRP
Selling Homes Changing Lives

Candice A. Donofrio - This is a terrific post and one that is long overdue. I don't recall anyone addressing the issues you described and nobody could explain it as well as you. You received many good comments, i.e., Bill Spears.

With your expertise, you could write a series! As they say, misery loves company, it's familiar territory and people who live in misery have developed a learned behavior and worry constantly. This line of yours is priceless: "In order to 'justify our existence', we occupy our time WORRYING, fretting over what could be wrong in our otherwise blessed and bountiful lives."

Oct 04, 2019 02:29 PM
Patricia Feager, MBA, CRS, GRI,MRP

Candice A. Donofrio - Always!!!

Oct 04, 2019 03:11 PM
Candice A. Donofrio
Thank you for being so good to me!
Oct 04, 2019 02:42 PM
Anna Banana Kruchten CRS, CRB, Phoenix Broker
HomeSmart Real Estate BR030809000 - Phoenix, AZ

Hi Candice A. Donofrio I have long thought many people make mountains out of mole hills. It's all popping up for a reason and people either see a simple solution or not. Some people ask me how I see things so positively and know there's a solution. Because I've only done it over and over thousands of times for years.......and there is always a solution.  It has a way of keeping everyone much calmer in the process of buying or selling - or life!


Love love love your post!!! Divine, yup!

Oct 04, 2019 03:26 PM
Candice A. Donofrio

Right! ALWAYS a solution or workaround.

Like my eternal flame Harvey Specter said, when someone has a gun to your head . . .


Oct 04, 2019 03:55 PM
Anna Banana Kruchten CRS, CRB, Phoenix Broker

Always!  That reminds me of the movie with the guy from Australia.  That's a knife - hahaha - this is a KNIFE!!

Oct 05, 2019 04:32 PM
Nick Vandekar, 610-203-4543
Long & Foster Real Estate Inc 610-225-7400 - Devon, PA
Tredyffrin Easttown Realtor, Philly Main Line

What a great post and congratulations on the well deserved feature. Yes, so many people create a problem where there isn't one. I never knew you wrote horoscopes, or have another business with spiritual counselling. Interesting, at least to an outsider.

Oct 05, 2019 08:53 AM
Candice A. Donofrio

42 years! Someone just said this week, 42 years? That would make you . . . (how old) . . .?

My answer was . . . "that would make me . . . abundantly blessed!"

Oct 05, 2019 08:59 AM
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

I love your take on this age-old situation.

Some people seem to thrive on drama - creating problems where none exist. Phooey on that!

Oct 05, 2019 10:23 AM
Candice A. Donofrio

And fretting, fretting, fretting . . . I don't want the wrinkles!

Oct 05, 2019 11:14 AM
Mimi Foster
Falcon Property Solutions - Colorado Springs, CO
Voted Colorado Springs Best Realtor

You should use your former writing career to enter this month's challenge (if you haven't already).

Our market seems to be flipping to one of "problems where there are no problems" . . . We would have made an offer but there was a water stain on the kitchen ceiling . . . duh, the house has a new roof, is that not worth something? We'll paint the friggin' thing. Great post. Stupid people. 

Oct 05, 2019 10:42 AM
Candice A. Donofrio

LOLLL! Silly wabbits! We price something below market so it will move, and we get low offers because 'look what all is wrong' . . . well we kinda accounted for that!

I'm still trying to be a Mimi and finish the 10 books I have in draft for 20 years! LOLLL


Oct 05, 2019 11:16 AM
Mimi Foster
Falcon Property Solutions - Colorado Springs, CO
Voted Colorado Springs Best Realtor

Best advice I discovered to "be a Mimi" was to stop editing! In other words, start with the skeleton. Don't go back and add flesh and organs until the skeleton is COMPLETED. Believe me, you'll rewrite that first sentence dozens of times before you get to the second page if you keep editing. When you're done with the skeleton, the "pretties" will come, but you have to have a whole story to edit before you can make it pretty.

Working on taxes this weekend. {gag me} Let's talk soon!

Oct 05, 2019 11:33 AM
Mimi Foster


Oct 05, 2019 12:08 PM
Candice A. Donofrio


Oct 05, 2019 11:35 AM
Candice A. Donofrio

And I know you are right! I started out AS AN EDITOR and now we know why I edit myself out of existence! LOLLL

Oct 05, 2019 11:35 AM
Lynnea Miller
Bend Premier Real Estate - Bend, OR
Premier Real Estate Service in Central Oregon

Hi Candice A. Donofrio . I have one of those agents in our brokerage who is always asking about "what if" situations.  It is enough to drive me crazy.  Every conversation with her (and she runs everything by me) takes at least 1/2 an hour.  I have had to get to a point of anticipating her questions and driving her back to the "what is" rather than the "what if." We cannot anticipate every possibility in a real estate transaction as we cannot know all there is to know about the property nor the mind set of the principals involved. All we can do is offer options based upon our experience and expertise. And know to whom to refer our clients when their needs are beyond the scope of our license.

Oct 05, 2019 11:51 AM
Candice A. Donofrio

Amen to that! I have a short threshold for long repetitious conversations, LOL! 

Oct 05, 2019 11:56 AM
Kathy Streib
Room Service Home Staging - Delray Beach, FL
Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224

Candice- love, love, love your post and so happy that it was featured. If we're out looking for the problem, one will pop up.  So many times we go through life making major mountains out of teeny molehills, and for what?  

My favorite and true line of yours...We humans are little walking, talking computers, constantly in problem-solving mode. 

Oct 05, 2019 12:12 PM
Candice A. Donofrio

Yeah, or trying to force a result that the Divine already has handled! 

Oct 05, 2019 12:23 PM
Sham Reddy CRS
H E R Realty, Dayton, OH - Dayton, OH

If you focus on problem than solutions, you will be disapponted & annoyed! MOST of the time, ooooh, I'd say 99.99999% of the time, the problem isn't a problem at all, but something to be perfected, integrated, massaged into compliance. Or . . . nothing at all.

It's not really a problem if it can be solved, is it?


Oct 06, 2019 04:22 AM
Candice A. Donofrio
I think some people even get high from generating that kind of anxiety.
Oct 06, 2019 06:19 AM
Debbie Gartner
The Flooring Girl - White Plains, NY
The Flooring Girl & Blog Stylist -Dynamo Marketers

Oooh I love this. Such great perspective. 


So yes, self fulfilled prophecies can happen.  So I'm going to manifest makeing $25,000/month on my blog.  I can do it, right?  By the spring.  I think it's achievable.  It was my birthday last week, so I wished for it w/ the candles.  It sill happen.

Oct 06, 2019 02:19 PM
Debbie Gartner

Yes, it must happen.  my baselne is around $20-$21.  a tough few months ahead, but will push forward.

Oct 06, 2019 02:42 PM
Candice A. Donofrio
Yes you can and you have! So unless you stop you will! Happy birthday sister!
Oct 06, 2019 02:22 PM
Sharon Tara
Sharon Tara Transformations - Portsmouth, NH
New Hampshire Home Stager

Yup....been there and still doing that.

I'm getting much better....anxiety has been a life long thing....runs in my family.

It's sad how much time is wasted on things we have no control over.

Oct 07, 2019 06:10 AM
Candice A. Donofrio
A lot of us. Anxiety can be transmuted though, into 'creative worrying', it's really just two sides of the same imaginative coin. Directions are relative, and to the same degree that you can fear, you can also overcome.
Oct 07, 2019 06:18 AM
Debe Maxwell, CRS | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
The right Charlotte REALTOR!

Oh, I SO know what you're talking about here, Candice! I am one who thinks several moves ahead but, as you mentioned, it is to keep things flowing smoothly. That said, rarely does anyone else know how far ahead I am...until I have to make the next move.

I think those agents who disrupt transactions by making a big deal out of NOTHING, just WANT the other agents to think they're on top of their game. I've seen this in the older agents the most. While you'd think they'd peacefully go about their deals, they are oftentimes THE most obnoxious.

One agent, in particular, in my area is known for her nastiness. Everyone hates to see her coming and I've actually heard agents say that they have encouraged their sellers to take other Offers because if they take her buyers' Offers, she'll make their lives hell for the next 30-60 days! How sad to have that reputation?

Oct 07, 2019 06:49 AM
Candice A. Donofrio

We have a couple of those. I call them 'Coyote Ugly' as most would rather chew off an arm than deal with them!

Oct 07, 2019 08:05 AM
Sheri Sperry - MCNE®
Coldwell Banker Realty - Sedona, AZ
(928) 274-7355 ~ YOUR Solutions REALTOR®

Hi Candice A. Donofrio

I don't even like to acknowledge the "p" word.  I think of issues as challenges and there is always a solution. The universe will help you manifest what you put out there, whether it is positive or negative.  

Oct 07, 2019 07:09 AM
Candice A. Donofrio

Yes, yes and yes yes yes!!!

Oct 07, 2019 08:03 AM