My Dad giving me my life back

By
Home Stager with J.Williams Home Staging LLC.

 

                                                MY JOURNEY WITH MY DAD

Sitting beside his chair watching his breaths come less frequent and shallow. I prayed and prayed out loud, in his ear reading scriptures and pleading with Jesus to come take him, no more suffering. That's it I rose, will he breath again? Nothing, then a gasp.

I started thinking of the past few days, my conversations  with my Dad. My Dad was a man of few words, a loner, not easy to talk to. I asked my Dad hard questions about   my childhood, things I have wanted to know since I was a teenager. Did he regret giving me his name? Did every-time he looked at me did it remind him of the past? You see I am not my Dad's biological child and I wonder was that painful for him, like it was for me?My Dad's words to me was, you was the most beautiful little thing I had ever saw in my life, you have brought me so much joy into my life ever since.  God brought us together not man!

Since my Dad's death I have struggles with, Did I pray enough with him? Did he know he was never alone I never left his side. Did I kill him?? by giving him to much medicine, I should have called the nurse in the middle of the night and ask her,  was the medicine suppose do this to him. Yes, I knew my Dad had a terminal disease and was dying, but nothing can prepare you to watch your father grasping for air, and there was nothing I could do ,I was helpless. That hurt was unbearable.

My Dad never seem to want much simple clothes, simple things, he lacked in "etiquette" society would say. That is not what I will remember, I will remember he loved me regardless. He choose me

So, Thank you Dad for excepting me just as I am and loving me in your own way. Thank you Dad, for helping me to redirect my life back to God. Thank you, for helping me see, my past is my past from this day forward.and I will not allow anyone to hurt me with it again. Scripture says he throw it in the sea of forgetfulness never to be remember. So when someone close to me uses my past,  I will stand strong on your word.

My past has made me a strong woman, a great mother , a awesome wife, terrific mother-in-law and a loyal friend.

So Dad our journey has ended, but mine has just begun.

Comments (5)

Wanda Richards
Shows Great Home Staging and Web Solutions - Roanoke, VA
Shows Great Home Staging

Joannie - What a beautiful tribute to your Dad.  I am sure he was very proud of you.  God certainly had a plan for you and your Dad.  I wish you the best as you begin your new journey.  

Jan 28, 2009 07:20 AM
Kathy Nielsen
http://atlantahomestaging.net - Marietta, GA
Atlanta Georgia Home Stager

Joannie - I'm so sorry for your loss.  And yes, I believed you prayed enough.  Yes; he knew you had never left his side. Know that in your heart, he knew you were there with him. He had chosen you for a reason, a very good reason.  May you forever be strong.

Kathy

Jan 28, 2009 07:25 AM
Michelle Molinari
FEATURE THIS... Real Estate Staging & Interior Decor - Lafayette, LA
Feature This Real, Estate Staging & Curb Appeal Concepts

Hi Joannie,

I am sorry that you have to go through the loss of a parent. I am absolutely sure God intervened in your life when you were brought to know your father, when you prayed together, when you administered his medication, when he left this earthly existence, and even now as you let yourself grieve for the want of your father's nearness.

No one knows if they are doing the right thing when it comes to being present and accounted for when a loved one is passing on. It's such a strange and otherworldly event. But please be assured in your faith and in your loving bond that he felt your love then,  and your father still feels it now.

~Michelle

Jan 28, 2009 08:08 AM
Angela Y. Baker
The Staged Perspective LLC - Greenville, SC

Joannie, nothing can ever prepare you for the loss of a parent. I lost my Mom in October 2008. Just like you, my sisters and I knew she would not make it. I'm thankful that I was there when she took her last breath. You just have to have peace in your heart that your Dad is no longer suffering. You'll think about him everyday. Not a day goes by that my Mom is not on my mind. Cherish the good memories and try not to worry yourself with doubts. It was his time to go. Focus on the good memories instead.

Jan 28, 2009 09:46 AM
Bruce & Mary Smith
Savannah Lakes Homes - McCormick, SC
REALTORS, Savannah Lakes Village McCormick SC

Joannie - What a nice tribute!  You are blessed!  I miss my parents every day!

Jan 29, 2009 11:22 PM