MY JOURNEY WITH MY DAD
Sitting beside his chair watching his breaths come less frequent and shallow. I prayed and prayed out loud, in his ear reading scriptures and pleading with Jesus to come take him, no more suffering. That's it I rose, will he breath again? Nothing, then a gasp.
I started thinking of the past few days, my conversations with my Dad. My Dad was a man of few words, a loner, not easy to talk to. I asked my Dad hard questions about my childhood, things I have wanted to know since I was a teenager. Did he regret giving me his name? Did every-time he looked at me did it remind him of the past? You see I am not my Dad's biological child and I wonder was that painful for him, like it was for me?My Dad's words to me was, you was the most beautiful little thing I had ever saw in my life, you have brought me so much joy into my life ever since. God brought us together not man!
Since my Dad's death I have struggles with, Did I pray enough with him? Did he know he was never alone I never left his side. Did I kill him?? by giving him to much medicine, I should have called the nurse in the middle of the night and ask her, was the medicine suppose do this to him. Yes, I knew my Dad had a terminal disease and was dying, but nothing can prepare you to watch your father grasping for air, and there was nothing I could do ,I was helpless. That hurt was unbearable.
My Dad never seem to want much simple clothes, simple things, he lacked in "etiquette" society would say. That is not what I will remember, I will remember he loved me regardless. He choose me
So, Thank you Dad for excepting me just as I am and loving me in your own way. Thank you Dad, for helping me to redirect my life back to God. Thank you, for helping me see, my past is my past from this day forward.and I will not allow anyone to hurt me with it again. Scripture says he throw it in the sea of forgetfulness never to be remember. So when someone close to me uses my past, I will stand strong on your word.
My past has made me a strong woman, a great mother , a awesome wife, terrific mother-in-law and a loyal friend.
So Dad our journey has ended, but mine has just begun.