I know what you are thinking. You're thinking that I have entered myself in every "Win a Dream Date with Sarah Palin" contest that ever existed. Just believe me when I say this, she ain't my type. Now my producer, Chris Heidelberg swears that Palin and I are going steady. Chris I have a newsflash for you buddy, Sarah Palin is married. Yes, her husband carries a gun. I'm sure Sarah Palin, in addition to exercising her Second Amendment rights, also carries a gun and is flanked by a phalanx of gruff and tough security guards. Whatever the case is, I'm not getting within ten feet of Mrs. Palin nor do I want to. In other words, we won't be dating. Now let's get to the subject matter at hand, shall we ?
It is the custom of the Discovery Network, before it releases one of its television blockbusters, to show a preview of all its shows during its annual sales conference for ad buyers. This year one of those shows was Sarah Palin's Alaska. According to insiders at the Discovery Channel, who I will assume want to remain anonymous, a lot of potential advertisers were concerned. If you ask me, I would say the word perplexed is a better fit here. I'm guessing all those potential advertisers mysteriously ran out of money after Sarah Palin's screening. Come on. Would you risk your job betting on Sarah Palin? Well those rascals at the Discovery Channel have. Anyway after the viewing, there were a lot of sharp concerned whispers among the head honchos at the Discovery Network. When I say viewing, I am not talking about a funeral but I'm sure the atmosphere was funereal.
Here's what I can't figure out about those brilliant executives up there at the Discovery Channel. They preview the show to potential ad buyers who are less than impressed. Instead of just cancelling the show, which I would have done once I found out it was Sarah Palin, they decide her show should be placed in the back of the room somewhere in a cruddy time slot. Instead of watching this buffoon prance around the wilds of Alaska during prime time hours, I will be stuck looking at Mrs. Palin and her crooked rectangular glasses at two o'clock in the morning, probably on a Saturday when I just returned from a night of carousing. At this time of night, I will probably already be "half in the bag" and then I will be faced with a choice between Sarah Palin's Alaska and the Psychic Friends Network. Boy, what a dilemma.
There's one thing I am not totally sure about and some of you out there have to clear this one up for me. Is Sarah Palin a bona fide celebrity or not ? We've all heard of the phrase "15 minutes of fame." Sarah Palin has stretched that fifteen minutes into three agonizing weeks. Let me give you an analogy, in terms you can understand. Sarah Palin is like an obnoxious house guest who stays an extra week. The first week is fine because you are genuinely reconnecting with the person. During the second week, the one that you didn't anticipate, your house guest does little annoying things like leave the jar off the sugar or takes a swig of milk directly from the carton. I would say if I had to liken Sarah Palin to any of these scenarios, it would be taking a swig of milk directly from the carton and then putting it back in the fridge.
I'm not really a TV guy, but I try to act like it. It would seem to me that just because someone has been on television a lot doesn't mean that a large segment of the American Public is happy about it. I would say that Sarah Palin falls into that category. The only thing I want to ask those nice people at the Discovery Channel is "what were you thinking ?"
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