Last night I had a friend call. He was in despair and sounded very bad. I hadn't heard from him in awhile. so I was surprised by the call. He just wanted to talk. I cannot reveal the entire issue. It seems he was betrayed by those very close to him and he was, to put it bluntly--devastated.
For me, it's hard to listen without wanting to help someone FIX their situation. As a former counselor, I learned that one of the major strategies for healing is just to let people "talk it out" without any conditions attached, and without giving instant advice. I could really kick myself, sometimes because sometimes I am too slow to hear and too fast to talk.
Listening is not just sitting like a lump on a log and absorbing the sound of the other's voice. It is a dialogue--but the listener should only ask questions that allow the other person to speak more and dig deeper into his issue. We really have to LISTEN. Not be distracted by anything else, our problems or thinking about what's for dinner.
What does this have to do with real estate. Let me share a couple of examples:
A Realtor gives her presentation and the prospective client is resistant to the PRICE range she's given with supporting evidence. They don't want to "give their home away."
But, is that always the real issue? Often, we don't ask more questions, Instead, we show them a "timing chart" that is suppose to convince them that if the price is right, their home will sell faster.
Could there be other reasons for their resistance? Maybe there's a strong emotional attachment. They just can't let the home go. They may have lived in it for 20 years with a spouse. The spouse died. They know they must sell, but they just can't let go. Why? Because they are finally faced with cutting lose all the memories.
Or, how about walking in and telling them--you need to stage your home. You need to throw this out. You need to do this or that--(like the two realtors on HGTV--just look at the expressions on some of their clients' faces--these two are grating) They need Socrates.
Socrates was a wise man. He asked questions. Socratic questioning opens the mind. Here's a very rough Staging dialogues--(1) "Can I ask you, would it offend you if I made some suggestions that could make this room look bigger? or (2) "Would there be any reason we couldn't move the couch out of the room (with all cigarette burns and rips and tears which you don't say) or is their some strong reason that would prevent us from doing that?"
The clients says: " YES, the couch is covering a very worn area of carpeting--we moved it there last month--and we don't have the money to replace carpeting--" You say: "Well. would you consider letting me show you a way we could resolve that situation without it costing you very much money?
Perhaps these aren't the best examples, but my point is--and I am reminding myself more than anyone reading this--to Ask Questions. Listen. And not be so fast to talk or offer advice without knowing as much as you can know.
Clients are smart. They already know a lot of the answers--they have to come to their own conclusions.The best thing is to gain the cooperation of others, in your effort to serve them; that is, they come to good solutions willingly--not resisting, not kicking and screaming.
There is always the danger for us to pontificate and be the expert, savior and deliverer. Let's not forget--that for most of us-- change is not always welcomed. Change in circumstances, health, wealth, habits, personal relationships and our own personal development can be uncomfortable and even painful.
Sometimes, we need to be allowed to "grieve the loss" of the things that have become a part of us.
The one thing I love about cognitive-behavioral therapy is it's elegance and simplicity: Ask the questions. Allow the other person to reflect and answer fully. Listen without judgment. Ask more questions. Listen more. THEIR solutions and conclusions surface. They own them. You just facilitate--Ask, Listen.
The older I get, the less I seem to know.
BeBlessed today.
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