Caring for Aging Parents
It's pretty typical for us "Boomers" to be somewhere in the process of caring for our aging parents. Since my husband and I are in the midst of this with our parents (his mom and my folks), I am here to tell you that it can feel like a weird time. Emotions run high on all ends, and your role changes and evolves -- sometimes several times a day.
When my husband's mother was recently hospitalized, his sister was trying to address our concerns about his mom still living alone, especially as her health issues were slowly becoming more serious. His mom was very frightened, but it came out as anger and pouting.
Be ready to flip back and forth from being "the kid" to becoming "the parent." My mother-in-law's reaction to anything she didn't like was a very nasty, "Yes, Mommy." Of course, we know it was because she felt her independence and control slipping through her fingers, but it makes for some very trying conversations.
Reach Out!
Don't try to do figure this out all on your own. Reach out to your parents' doctors, the local senior center, others who are in this situation. There is a whole network out there, and you can tap into it. Right now I'm looking for an in-home trainer or physical therapist for some specific mobility issues, and each person I call tries their best to refer me to the right person.
Go to The Doctor
Assign someone to go to doctor's appointments with them, if you can. Since I have a natural inclination toward project management (my friend says I "do process stuff in my sleep"), I was surprised that no one is really playing quarterback as my dad made the rounds to his various doctors. My expectation was that the internist was supposed to "manage" the care of the other specialists. What I found out is that they try, but they can't be at all the other appointments and get all the details, ask questions etc. Be your parent's eyes and ears, and speak up if you see conflicting suggestions or treatment plans.
Being the Caregiver vs. Arranging Care
A long time ago a teacher said to me, "You are not responsible for being the caregiver for your parents. It's your job to make sure they are well cared for....and that could mean bringing in help." I am forever grateful to him for that mindset, and I try to make sure I know what the boundaries are in this grand adventure.
This is an interesting journey, and I will continue to blog as I make my way through it. If you have any tips to share, please post them! We're all in this together.
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