thursday funny: Thursday's Humorrrss - 02/22/12 10:11 PM
My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those tablets that 'help' get an erection. You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills! I'm still looking for a place to live. … (4 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday'ss Funnyyyyy - 02/16/12 01:41 AM
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?**** The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.' The guy left.**** A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked,**** 'How long before I can get a haircut?'**** The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.' The guy left .**** A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut? **** The barber looked around … (3 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday'ss Funnyyyy - 02/09/12 01:51 AM
A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. 'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten. I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want. You juss ask. Whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her. … (0 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday Funnyyyy - 02/02/12 01:56 AM
A lady complained to the builder of the house and told him that whenever a train passes by in the nearby station, the house shook and that day she almost feel off the bed. The builder thought that she was exaggerating things and went to her house to find out. The train was due in a few minutes and she asked the builder to lie on the bed to experience it. Just then the door opened and her boxing husband entered the room to see a man on the bed. He asked his wife: "What is the meaning of this? What … (3 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday'ss Funnyyy - 01/26/12 01:46 AM
Drinking At Work Here's a few great reasons to allow drinking in the workplace... 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would … (3 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday's Funnyyy - 01/19/12 01:30 AM
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the "good old days. "Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our twenty-fifth anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. … (2 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday'ss Funnyy - 01/05/12 01:32 AM
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big … (2 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday'ss Humorrrs - 12/29/11 01:36 AM
This happened on a flight getting ready to depart for Detroit . Jack was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck -- pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear. "What's the matter?" Jack asked. "I've been transferred to Detroit ; there are crazy people there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate in the nation." Jack replied, "I've lived in Detroit all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your … (4 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday's Funnyy - 12/22/11 01:17 AM
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.' The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating' Sally raised her hand.. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was 'fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, That was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.' Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned … (7 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday's Humorrrs - 12/15/11 01:21 AM
A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?' 'Yes I am' replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?' The drunk replies, 'No, I haven't.' The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the … (2 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday Humorrr - 12/01/11 01:36 AM
A guy and a girl met at a bar. They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink. A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands. He then took off his socks and washed his hands. The girl looked at him and says: 'You must be a dentist!' Flabbergasted, the guy responded 'Yes, that's amazing how did you figure that out ?' The girl said: 'Easy .... you keep washing your hands' One thing led to another, they migrated to the bed and things became more passionate. … (2 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday Humors - 11/17/11 02:46 AM
 
The HISTORY OF NEW MATH1. Teaching Math In 1960s (when I was in school)A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ? 2. Teaching Math In 1970s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? 3. Teaching Math In 1980s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit ?  Yes or No4. Teaching Math In 1990s A logger sells a truckload … (5 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday Humor - 11/10/11 01:19 AM
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although  not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She  motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to  read her book. The peace and solitude are  magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'isn’t that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs … (2 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday's Humor - 11/03/11 03:05 AM
A Drunk man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol whereupon he asks the drunk'Are you ready to find Jesus?'The drunk shouts 'Yes I am!'So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.He pulls him up and asks the drunk 'Brother have you found Jesus?'The drunk replies 'No I haven't found Jesus.'The preacher shocked at the answer dunks him into the water again for … (2 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday's Chuckles - 10/27/11 03:10 AM
 
 
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thursday funny: Thursday's Funnies - 10/13/11 03:02 AM
A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.There is a hush within the congregation.... no one wants him to leave.Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and proclaims, ...."If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!" The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, ...."If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation … (9 comments)

thursday funny: Thursady's Funny - 10/06/11 02:56 AM
 
Meaning of... 'potentially' and 'realistically' A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad … (3 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday's Funny - 09/29/11 01:51 AM
Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio … (9 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday Funny - 09/15/11 02:05 AM
 
SMART ASS ANSWERS according to Reader's Digest Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub." Smart Ass Answer #4: A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, … (6 comments)

thursday funny: Thursday Funny - 09/08/11 02:21 AM
A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with … (4 comments)