WHEN A YOUNG PERSON PASSES...Remembering Loss.
This is a very sad moment to the real estate community here in Southampton Village today as we watch a Mother in grief and a family go unwillingly into mourning.
One of my fellow agents and a close neighbor of mine, Kimberly, just had the horrifying experience of finding her 29 year old daughter dead in her bed...after not getting a response when she called her name several times Sunday morning: "Time to get up Heather---let's get ready for church!' No answer and she went to the upstairs bedroom where her daughter slept and was devastated when she found she was not breathing...Nothing prepares a Mother for what Kimberly found there that day...and nothing makes it easy to deal with the loss.
Where does one go for instructions on how to help this family deal with the loss? What does one do to try to help this suffering Mother handle the horrible thing that has just happened?
I can't say what anyone should do but I can certainly say what one should NOT do:
- Do NOT interfere with the families private time--let them prepare for the future by facing the incident on their own terms initially. This is a very private matter.
- Do NOT give advice as to how this Mother should feel or act. DO NOT try to make the family believe that you know exactly what they are going through--because you don't!
- Do NOT ever invade the privacy of the wake with too many people at one time; make your sincere condolences and move on--No one at a time like this, when you are so turned-inward, needs to hear another's sad story. Pleasant memories of the loved one's life are a meaningful thing for the family to hear.
- A loss of this magnitude, the loss of a child, is beyond comprehension and needs to be recognized as such. Do NOT make yourself the "grieving" soul who needs comfort--strength and compassion are the ingredients needed to help the family deal with the loss.
This is going to be a long day and I am so unsure of just what to say to Kimberly when I see her at the wake; but I am sure the words will come and the emotions will flow as they should.
Loss of a family member is a familiar one to me since, as one of six children, I have lost 2 sisters when they were in the most promising time of their lives--and it is such a loss. But, nothing can describe the way the Mother feels--nothing can look or feel like a typical way to handle such a loss.
My Mother was never the same after losing one of her 5 beloved daughters; but on the occasion of the second loss of another one of her "Brood", she was absolutely emotion-less.
I will never forget her face, unmoved and tear less during the wake.
That was the MOST devastating thing to witness--there were no emotions available to her at the time...there was no human way possible to deal with it. That is how she handled it---and she went on from there; having outlived 2 of her children by 30 and 40 years.
Thank you for reading this---I had to write something here just to help let it unfold before I go to the wake to day at 2:00.
You see, this is not written for any other purpose than to help myself get through this massive loss--all over again. That is what grieving is: Remembering Loss