No, it's not Halloween, folks, but prepare yourselves for a year's-end freak-show. The Blooper Scooper is back with some real head-scratchers from the MLS and local ads. Thanks to my friends, Patty da Silva of Davie, Florida, and Jane Peters of L.A. for their great finds. Check out these winners-from-losers who have already had a bit too much Christmas "cheer":
Listing Go Boom!
“Newc on market” (That explains the load of uranium in the front yard.)
“Ham made kitchen cabinets” (Hence the term, "bringing home the bacon.")
“Credit for the mob” (In Jersey, we call that “paying Tony Two-Fingers the vig.”)
“Near L.A. metro lime” (L.A. bus drivers and tequila shooters - an obvious pairing.)
"Not shoe during naptime" (Did your laces get tangled in your ankle monitor?)
“Cow pastor” (A preacher who milks his sermons and cuts the cheese in the pulpit.)
“Clear view of mountain rum” (Apparently Uncle Virgil is face-down in the still again.)
Career Go Boom, Too
“No pets over 450 lbs” (Warning for those who have wildebeests as pets...)
“Drawing for ticklets to Book of Norman” (As in Nor-man-should-be-this-stupid?)
“Drawling for new Sams song phone” (Maybe Sam can teach you the Alphabet Song.)
“Last house going downhill” (How did you teach the house to follow your career?)
"Moon-in now” (Oh, I thought that hairy thing was your sheep dog wearing shoes.)
“Shed and tool included” (If I wanted a tool, I'd still be married.)
Debra and Miss Piggy Make Boom Boom
“Debra will be cleaned up Thurs.” (Apparently the 2nd Fleet is due to arrive…)
“Walter damage in bath” (Walter should aim at the john and not at his beer can.)
“Great view if not odor cast” (Ad for Break of Dawn – Long Island’s ever-popular garbage barge ride.)
“Nice place with room to glow” (I might be interested if I were a koi.)
“EZ sow” (Wrote Kermit under his drawing of Miss Piggy on the men's bathroom wall.)
And The Dubious Distinction Award Goes To:
“This one will knock your sacks off” (Proudly offered by Neuter Realty, Inc. Their motto: Who ya gonna call? B__lbusters!)
That’s it for this year, folks. Have a wonderful holiday season and a joyous, prosperous, and healthy New Year. I'll be back in 2013. Until then - Remember: Spell well and sell!
Please visit me at www.gwenbanta.com, or visit www.victorylodgeinfo.com to see my magnificent listing: "Reduced: $14,900,000 Log Cabin Estate" and "Whitley Heights Investment Properties - $3.3M" @ http://youtu.be/PW6lstI9Yug . Thank you!
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