jokes: Joke of the Day: When a woman Lies
- 04/18/12 12:25 AM
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jokes: Friday Funnies :Retirement is Different for Everyone
- 08/26/11 03:59 AM
RETIREMENT IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass, Millie, Nelda, Elma, Lacey, Sippy and Rosie. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me, and I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator. 'Do you know there are six ladies … (14 comments)
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jokes: Friday Funnies : What is it
- 07/22/11 02:55 AM
Friday Funnies: What is it Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but doesn't use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Obama is one. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women.. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi's. What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good ) A Last NAME What Did You Think It was? Get your Mind Out of the Gutter!!!! author unknown
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jokes: Friday Funnies :Ever Wonder Why
- 07/08/11 03:40 PM
EVER WONDER .....Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? I like this one!!!If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
author unknown sent in by Marlene … (13 comments)
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jokes: Friday Funnies:Caution When Raising Children
- 06/16/11 05:24 PM
Caution When Raising Children 2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children. 3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young. 1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up. 4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said 5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own 6. We childproofed our homes, … (19 comments)
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jokes: Friday Funnies: A Few Drinks Two Aspirins
- 06/10/11 05:14 AM
A guy is out with his buddies. He has a Few drinks, gets in the mood but true to His wife goes home. When he gets home he finds her sound Asleep in bed with her mouth wide open. He gets two aspirin and drops them into Her mouth. Of course, she chokes but recovers and Asks, "What did you put in my mouth??" He says, "Two aspirin". She replies, "BUT I DON'T HAVE AHEADCHE
"That's what I wanted to hear.
sent in by Cynthia Wexler
Author Unknown
Selling or Buying a Home is No Laughing … (10 comments)
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jokes: Friday funnies: Stand up Teachers
- 05/20/11 03:22 AM
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!” After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, “Do you think you're stupid, Larry?” “No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself” sent in by Arnie from Delaire Landing author unknown Selling or Buying a Home is No Laughing Matter!
I get the job done with a smile and experience!
HelpfulHannah
Agent at Re/Max Eastern inc 215 953 8800
215 820 3376 cell phone
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jokes: Friday Funnies: Man Oh Men
- 05/13/11 02:22 AM
Man Oh Men
A couple is lyingin bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world...' The woman replies, 'I'll miss you....... ---------------------------- 'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' 'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied. ------------------------------------------- Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor ------------------------------------------- Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to … (16 comments)
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jokes: Friday Funnies:Suicide Hotline
- 05/06/11 02:48 PM
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."
Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land." Today, Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land! I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc . … (11 comments)
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jokes: Friday funnies: "Fifty Bucks is Fifty Bucks" Ken and Edna
- 03/25/11 06:16 AM
Ken and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, And every year Ken would say, 'Edna,
"I'd like to ride in that helicopter' Edna always replied, 'I know Ken, but that helicopter ride is
"fifty bucks is fifty bucks" One year Ken and Edna went to the fair, and Ken said, 'Edna, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance' To this, Edna replied, Ken that helicopter ride is,and
"fifty bucks is fifty bucks" The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal.
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jokes: Friday Funnies: Only Great Minds can Read This
- 03/11/11 03:18 AM
Only great minds can read this!
This is weird, but interesting!
If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can … (15 comments)
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jokes: Friday Funnies: Women Drivers
- 02/25/11 01:23 AM
This morning on the freeway,
I looked over to my left and there was a Woman In a brand new Cadillac Doing 65 mph With her Face up next to her Rear view mirror Putting on her eyeliner. I looked away For a couple seconds... to continue shaving And when I looked back she was Halfway over in my lane, Still working on that makeup. As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped My electric shaver Which knocked The donut Out of my other hand. In all The confusion … (20 comments)
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jokes: Friday Funnies: Tax Tax Taxes
- 02/04/11 02:29 PM
Tax his land, Tax his bed, Tax the table At which he's fed. Tax his work, Tax his pay, He works for peanuts Anyway! Tax his cow,
Tax his goat, Tax his pants, Tax his coat. Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink, Tax him if he Tries to think. Tax his car, Tax his gas, Find other ways To tax his ass. Tax all he has Then let him know That you won't be done Till he has no dough. When he screams and hollers; Then tax him some more, Tax him till He's good and sore. Then tax … (15 comments)
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jokes: Friday Funnies! Woman get Face Lift at Fifty year old
- 01/28/11 04:20 AM
A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th
birthday.
She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my
asking, but how old do you think I
am
'About 32,' is the reply.'
'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter
girl the very same … (10 comments)
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jokes: Friday Funnies: What is a Grandparent?
- 01/14/11 03:16 AM
WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT? Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds. You'll love it: Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other peoples.' A grandfather is a man & a grandmother is a lady! Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money. When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. … (13 comments)
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jokes: Friday Funnies:Phila Pa Employee Boss Raise
- 12/10/10 04:57 AM
Employee:: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?Boss: Sure, come on in.
What can I do for you? Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.Boss: Yes. Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have
four companies … (20 comments)
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jokes: Friday Funnies:The Blonde and the Milkman
- 11/26/10 04:23 PM
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, 'I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?' The blonde said, 'No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take … (20 comments)
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jokes: Friday Funnies: We laugh At your Blonde Jokes
- 11/12/10 04:35 AM
we laugh at your blonde jokes! One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma ...' And they say blondes are dumb... --------------------------------------------- A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.' The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...' ----------------------------------------------- 'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says … (12 comments)
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jokes: Friday Funnies: Fair is Fair
- 11/05/10 11:11 AM
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar And stared up at the TV. The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story Of a man on the ledge of a large building
Preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, The guy … (17 comments)
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jokes: Friday Funnies: Larrys School Day Questions
- 09/24/10 04:49 AM
The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!' Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked, … (15 comments)
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